Down Down Down

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And without further ado, let's get on with the day's episode. (gentle music) (gentle music) - Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table, starting with Zachary. - What's up, my name is Zachary and I play Blemund Elmar, Rufa the Third. - And Karen. - Hi, I'm Karen and I play Joe, the Human Cleric. - And Lisa. - Hey, I'm Lisa and I play Vella, the Minotaur Rogue. - And Jameson. - Hi, I'm Jameson, I play Larg. - And Jamie. - Hi, I'm Jamie, I play Tatiana, the Human Rogue. - So let's do a couple of things here.

I'd like to take stock of some things because for a while now, at least a few sessions you've been in this tower and there's been forward progression, kinda. Like it doesn't feel like forward progression 'cause it's just kind of vertical and you kind of don't get a chance to see what's outside, what's going on. The rooms get a little more expansive, but it's not the same as like hiking to a place, making your way to a destination. And that's usually what most of the groups do and probably what you guys have the most experience doing. What I'd like to do is one, I wanna do a little hit point check.

How's everyone doing hit points wise? - Topped up. - Right here. - Uh-uh, I'm a little low, but. - We might fix that. Put a pin in it. We might fix it. I just wanted to gauge. So the entire group is standing in front of a set of double doors right now. And as you guys kinda get close to it, you've been shepherded into room after room and hallway after hallway. It's kind of been like go, go, go, push, push, push. 'Cause you can't really go back down and you're just kind of in a spot where it's, you know, do or die. But when these double doors open up, you're going to be funneled into a clear tunnel of a hallway.

It's basically showing you all of the outside at once. So as you guys stand here, you can see straight through. It's like one of those weird Japanese office buildings that are like a fish tank and you can look down and it's just a hundred floors or something. Like one of those weird things that I would never fucking ever, ever go to in a million years because it just freaked me out. But you can look down and you can see, you know, you're over halfway up this thing. Like you're, you know, hundreds of feet in the air at this point. And as you walk through, there are these like flying critters like big, almost skeletal insect things.

And they'll kind of like buzz and hoave around the outside of this thing. And they'll kind of reel back and smack against the side of this and you'll kind of hear like a rhythmic, like a boom, like you can feel it, but it doesn't feel like there's any risk of them breaking through this thing, right? Like it just feels like this is the scenic route, I guess. Is what you could say. And being able to see clear, you know, if there's these huge canyons and everything, it's obviously like a terrible landscape and you could see, oh, if we were walking, that would be a problem.

And that thing, those over there, like you can kind of chart your way. It's like, ah, shit, okay. Like I can see where it would be difficult. But you also get a much clearer view of everything in one go. Can I get a perception check from everyone, please? Oh, wow. Ah, hmm. - Top notch, top notch. (laughing) - Tatiana terrified of heights. She suffered a fall a little while ago and ever since has just had a really bad aversion to heights is actually grasping on to Joe's arm as we walk across. - Like it's almost invisible. It's so clear. Like it's almost like, yeah, I wouldn't do well either.

At least that fall was like one story. Like that wasn't too, too bad. Unless you count the fall down here, like that's different. - Right, it'd be much worse to fall from here. - Blevins, Josephine. Off in the distance, you're going to see this kind of a pinprick of light. Like it's almost like someone's like holding up a mirror and trying to signal you every once in a while. But like, you kind of clock it and it's like, okay, there's a bit of a rhythm to that. And I can, like it's like every, it's like one, two, three, shine, one, two, you know, you can kind of track it.

And there is this rip. It looks like a tear rate in the air itself. And it looks like that, you know, again, this is obviously miles away, but like you can see it's large enough that there is some sort of hole in the air. There's this kind of a wavy, this wavy shine to it. And what that kind of twinkle is, is you'll see something large enough, some sort of critter or creature, like you're not exactly sure. It definitely doesn't have a humanoid shape, but there are things every three seconds trying to pitch themselves into this and they just burst into flames and fall down.

But you could definitely see that that is not stopping them from trying over and over again. And if you were to kind of suss it out, it's like, okay, maybe that's, that might've been where we were supposed to go. Maybe those things aren't powerful enough to get out or there's a trick to it and they just don't. But like that, that looks like how many tears in hell could there be, right? That's gotta be like something. And probably another 20 or 30 yards is another set of double doors all the way at the other end of this big clear tube that you're in. Do you relay any of this information to the rest of the group?

(soft music) - I feel like Blevins, he might just because he likes having a point of conversation. So he just might point to the hellish hole and say, I say, Blevins spot something down yonder. - Do you speak in the third person now? - Does he? (laughing) - I feel like I would have noticed that before. - It's just to be polite. So we know which one of them is behind the wheel. - Oh, yeah. - That's good. - Blevins thinks of this and Darmoth thinks of this. - I love it. - And you just start licking the glass on the side. - Oh God. - You get like a little hand puppet of each of them.

- Yeah. - Is that right? - Is that right? - Yeah, Joe would be like, you're, it should like point to it. Should be like, you're talking about that, right? Like it looks like a tear. - Yes. Good eye, almost as good as old Blevins. - Just kind of look at it. Cause he's like, he's obviously like older than her and it's like-- - Way older. Good Lord. - You probably need glasses. That kind of look. Nothing wrong with glasses though. - Oh, I'm glad you didn't say that. Cause you would have like knocked the glass hallway. - Oh no. - I got you beat. - Don't fucking touch that.

If this thing breaks. - Would that be hilarious? - I can get hit from the outside, but from the inside, that's where it's really-- - Very fragile. Yeah. - Well, we're going to background is like tapping his acts against the side. - Does this look like a crack to you guys? - I mean, what's the worst that could happen? We die. Like, I mean, you know, the thing right here, I could split it clean in half guys. - What a poorly designed hallway. - Shotty workmanship in hell. (laughing) - That makes sense. - It's where all the terrible carpenters went. So. - I liked that.

- So I assume our only recourse would be to be keep dredging down the hallway, regardless of what we spot. Unless you guys are trying to break the system, break the matrix right now, just, you know. - Is there a way to study the blinking? Like once it's pointed out, can we all see it or? - Yeah, totally. Like I think it's, you know, it's one of those things where like if someone points out, it's like, hey, check that out. Like you may have to, it's like, oh no, it's above that canyon next to the, yeah. Next to the bone pit. Yeah. Next to the skin dinosaur.

Yes. That thing. - It's like a graveyard. - Right. Must never go there. But like, I think it'd be, I think it'd be one of those things that, you know, what's crazy is I wish I could just say, oh, you guys have like a spyglass or something, but in this world, those are a thousand gold. So I don't know why, but honestly, you could all see it. It's more of a curiosity than like, you know what I mean? Like a point of interest. - A stop on the road trip. - You said it's just like blinking rhythmically. It's not like maybe trying to send a message or something or - I don't think, like you wouldn't guess that.

It's more like you could see things jump into it. Like you can watch like almost as if they have no control over it. Like, - Like it's sucking them in? - Like a bug zapper. - Like maybe it's sucking them in, but it looks like they're, you know, at least some of them are jumping. Like some of them are large enough, you can see that they're moving toward it. You know what I mean? Like a couple of them are small and you know, you guys are pretty good clip away. - Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah. That's super interesting. Let's keep it moving. Maybe we can look at it from over there.

- The doors at the end of the hallway are going to open and there's a, yeah, there's a pretty faint glow coming over, like from over there. And there's a vibe that you're getting, which is like, all right, keep it moving. Like there's, it's, but it's like a feeling that kind of washes it. It's like, let's go, come on. Like, like you have a thing to do, let's go. Like that type of thing. (soft music) - Tatiana is cautiously continuing down the path. - I guess we just keep going. - It's still grasping the people around her. - Deathclaw grip on someone's shoulder.

- Is that person Blevins? - No. - Oh, okay. (laughing) - He would not be Blevins. - More sturdier than you think. - He's frail. - What if he was the last one in the hallway though? Like what if he was the only option? - When he's staring right at you. - She'd crawl. - That's fair. - I don't want Darmok touching me. - That's fair. If everybody moves to the end of the hallway here and they walk into this room, where there's a glow coming from the outside of it, when you walk in, it is almost pitch black. And there's a very strange vibe you get when you walk in.

It's a sound like, you ever walk into a very carpeted room and it kind of mouples everything, like a thick shag carpet type of thing, where you walk in, it's like, like it just feels seventies in here. Like at feet, you know what I mean? Like it, you know, you're gonna walk in and there's gonna be kind of a subtle squish. Like, like, like that was like solid glass you were walking. So it's very level and, you know, like absolutely clear of any debris or anything. You know, it felt sturdy. You walk in here and like your footsteps are all uneven as you're walking on something.

And it feels like you're walking on something alive because the floor itself is kind of swelling and then ebbing and then swelling in different spots. So there's a vibe where you step in here and you're like almost, oh, I need my sea legs. Like I'm not like, you know what I mean? You're kind of like getting the feel of this room and those doors are gonna start to shut behind you. And as they do, that light is going to get thinner and thinner and just kind of, you know, paler in here. But there are these green spore like things that give off a bit of almost like a glow stick glow, like very faint, like glow in the dark thundercat pajamas from New York to...

Like that kind of glow in the dark, you know, like that. Like that it's very faint, but it's like, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like a fuzzy glow in the dark, yeah, I can picture it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. (soft music) - So Blevins, as things are getting darker and darker, he's going to have a look of like a little bit of worry about him and he is going to instinctively kind of latch onto his beautiful powdered wig and give Tatiana a dirty look. - What did Tatiana do? - You know what they're going to do. - I'm not going to snatch you. - We don't know, we don't know.

You know things of value. So kind of like back up and like kind of find like a wall to wallflower on. - Walls... - Oh yeah, are there walls? - They're not so much walls as like, they're like the entire thing has kind of a subtle slope upward and the entire room itself feels like it's constricting and expanding. Like it feels like it's breathing almost. - I also read something stomach. - Gross. - So Larg's axe I think has a fire characteristic. Can I use that to like basically impromptu a torch? - Shit yeah, let's do it. - So he goes, whoosh. (laughing) And just starts kind of waving around that stuff to see if he can illuminate anything of note here.

Specifically, I guess the first question is what exactly did the wall and floors look like? - So as soon as you spark this up, right? I imagine it's almost like a tap it on the ground type of thing, almost like Gandalfian, but it's on fire. So yes, very metal. So this thing's going to go up and the walls itself are going to like pull back a little bit and everything's kind of going to go. Like it was like, whoa, like loud enough that like, it's what an earthquake might sound like, you know what I mean? Like slowly wise, it's like, okay, it's not going to shake you violently, but it's going to like kind of tremble a little bit.

And looking around here, what it looks like is diseased skin. Like it looks like kind of pale or blemished, bruised, stretched out skin with kind of almost like black kind of pussy infection lines going. You never see like a zombie movie, someone gets bitten and it kind of, you know what I mean? Like that type of thing, but it's kind of like cracked and bruised and like some of the quote unquote walls are leaking this kind of bubbly pus. And that's the thing that's green. That's the thing that's letting off that. And as you get close to them with this fire, it's going to like kind of dump a bunch of that shit out and then kind of like and seal up a bit.

Like as you get close, like you heat sealed it with the fire, like very, it seems to be very temperature sensitive. - We're in Silent Hill now. (laughing) I distinctly remember this room from Silent Hill. (laughing) - Oh, there's nurses. There's lots of weird nurses. Like that's, did I not mention them? - Oh no, they escaped our notice. I don't know if I can tell from here, but is there an estimate? Like are we able to get a grasp of how big this quote unquote room is? - This one's not as expensive as a lot of the rooms, like the big dining hall and stuff like that.

This is, it almost, it's almost set up like a cavern where there's like these esophageal like hallways that just and like expand. And then after a few seconds and kind of like seal up tight, which would be very unpleasant to get like part way into and then stuck. - Yeah. If you're moving this ax around, just kind of getting a lay of the land, when you move it to the left, you're gonna illuminate something, not gradually, but like instantaneously. Like usually when you have a torch and you're kind of waving it around, the dim light will give you an idea of then bright light when you get to it.

This is just a face kind of that's right in front of you. And this thing, whatever it is, has a kind of a split carapace for a face that's just kind of like gently expanding and contracted. So that's kind of like bone plate. And then underneath of that, you can see that same kind of like cracked, pussy skin type of thing. But it's very like intermediate, like you'll see it. And then like the bone plate will just kind of like, almost Venn diagram close up over top of it again. But it kind of looks like it has a mouth, no eyes or anything like that. But like the bottom plate just kind of like opens and hangs there every once in a while.

So like no teeth or anything like that. - So far, the largest only one can see it? - Just, no, I think as soon as his, like as soon as he like holds it up, like everyone will be able to see it, but it'll be like, boom, like right there. - Fair enough. - I think Vella might ask Splat like, what the fuck is that? Do you know what that is? 'Cause she's still carrying him on her shoulders, I believe. - Yeah. (laughing) - I don't forget my boy. - And this thing, like Splat would hide by the way, like this thing is, that's fucked up. Like just kind of like duck down, like he's not having any of this.

- That's not right. - And this thing's got, like it is a vaguely humanoid shape, kind of like, imagine, you know, something bipedal, like it's standing up, but like it looks like its bones have been snapped all over its body and they're just kind of compound fractures jutting out everywhere. - This is my nightmare. - Yay, we got there. But it's kind of standing facing larg and like, again, no eyes, but it's got this big, almost a Jason Voorhees breathing pattern where it's like swelling up, but its head is constantly like, almost like a, like an insect or chicken type of thing where it's like constantly doing this shit, like kind of scoping you out.

- Oh, so it's not like a physical part of the room. I thought it was like an extension. - No, it is like a thing. Like it's, yeah. - In there with us. - Yes, right there next to you. - I'm getting like, the core vibes. Is that what it was called? - Yeah, but like that one was kind of-- - Is it blind or does it just not have eyes? - It just doesn't have eyes. Like in hell, that might not mean anything. - Right, but it can like see us, which is creepy. - Right. Could be like an invent horizon thing. Where we're going, we don't need eyes to see. That type of thing, like, you know?

- Larg turns to Deanna and says, I think the hallway looks a little bit better now. (laughing) - This little mouth flap. Is going to kind of like unhinge just a bit and some more of that like vibrant, you know, jello green pus is going to come out of it as one of those esophageal holes just kind of opens where a mouth might be. (growling) You're taking your time. Like just, and it's going to exhale this at you and the smell coming off of this thing is fucking rancid. Like, it's like someone forgot a bologna sandwich in their car. - Oh no. - For a week.

It was one of those weeks where it's like, man, I don't need my car at all this week and it's summer. And then you open your door. It's like, oh, like it's, you know what I mean? Like. - Texas sun. - Oh, Texas bologna. That's what it does. - Best thing's name is Tex Baloney. That's so. - You didn't describe his 10 gallon hat. - I didn't. Howdy. Like he only speaks in ages. That's the only thing. (laughing) - Oh my God. - I'm going to re-roll a new character. I want Tex Baloney. Cowboy horror. (laughing) - So Lark actually moves, like he's not going to like attack or like try to touch it, but he's going to move the ax closer to it to see if it reacts the same way as like the weird things on the wall acting like to the heat.

- He doesn't dig it. Like you could tell immediately when you're, and it's not because like it's blinding or anything like that. It is like a temperature thing because that hole that keeps opening up is almost going to change color. Like it's going to reden when you get it next to it and just kind of like look irritated and kind of like, do you remember that dinosaur that spit in Wayne Knight's face in Jurassic Park? The one that's like, like he had that really cool Final Fantasy collar thing going on. - The Dinophosaurus. - Yeah, thank you. Yes, it's basically like that's how that esophageal thing is going to like spread out and get away from you.

So it's going to open up and just kind of like have this big spirit fingers type of thing. (laughing) Bring it on reference, anybody? Anybody? And he's not going to shy away from it though, but those parts of him are. So his face is still like this shit, like just kind of like, like he's trying, like it's almost like he's listening for you or something. Like he's just kind of like, but constantly, almost like a snake flicking its tongue out to kind of like get a sense of where things are. It's like that. - Yeah, so he'll hold the accent and he'll kind of watch that for a minute.

He'll just be like, huh. Well, if you want us to go faster, you could just move. We can keep going. He'll kind of like literally an inch move the ax a little bit closer. He'll be like, do you want to get out of the way? (laughing) - Yeah, there's, okay. You didn't really notice this before, but a lot of this guy is coated in this like inky black. It almost looks like a fabric or like a robe, but like you could see all these like protrusions all over him. That's going to start separating as you get the ax closer and kind of waft off of him like a fog. And it's going to expose this raw, like bruised, beaten chest, like all these broken ribs kind of jutting out and everything.

You're going to see that like as you get closer. And again, the face is going to lean closer to you instead of further away. The rest of him is moving backwards. The face though, like you can hear him draw in air and the flame from the ax is even going to kind of like move toward him like he's drawing in that heat. You sightseeing. Like very short raspy sentences. Again, the stink. But it's like a new stink every time. Like you can't go nose blind to it because every time it's like, it's like, oh man, that's... That's old cat box. Like, you know, like it's something, it's something like every time it's like, hmm.

And if you don't see anything right away, no, go ahead, please. It's kind of hard not to sight see when literally it's an entire window. That's a good point. Honestly, that is a... That is a... Are you sassing the devil? I do. I just want to be quick. You lay a little cap in your step, that's all. Do you need to be reminded how lucky you all are to have this opportunity? Yeah, that was Chipotle dumpster, by the way. Just in waft. Mm hmm. All that old guac. Wait. Oh my God. It's called queso dreams. It's a new scent from... Old guac is also a good cowboy sidekick.

Oh my God. Tex Baloney and El Guaco. That's the... The guac kid. Anyway. There you go, Jamus, in your next comic. Two Deadlands characters right there. We want 25% right off the top. And we will not answer any of those. We will not do anything. (laughing) So... Mark is going to bristle a little bit at that, at his last comment and just sort of, just sort of look at him and say, how would you remind us how lucky we are to be here right now? (soft music) He's going to raise his right arm and every bit of it sounds like... It sounds like an old, frozen, crazy straw.

Like, like just, it sounds like a broken transformer. Like he's going to hold his hand out. And one of the walls is literally going to start to open. Like as the, like, it's going to like expand to just kind of tear apart. And you're going to be able to see what it looks like outside. And it's just legions of things. Demons, bone worms, diggling, diggling? Diggling. They're going to... That's what they're doing right outside. It's like, that's what's waiting for you. If you want it like... Like that's... (laughing) - That's what happens to hell, you get diggled.

- You get diggled, boy. (laughing) - What's the hand motion, Jason? - That's, you know what? It's your worst nightmare. Whatever your worst nightmare is, that's what it is. - That means be a good boy for your whole life. - 'Cause that's where my mind immediately went. - Yeah, no. But like, it's really... - It's just a Tuesday. - It's cold hands. - It's on every single nail. (laughing) (imitates bird) And... Like you're going to be able to see just like every nightmarish creature, like in some vein, like there's something for the arachnophobes, there's something for the body horror folks, there's something for...

There's stuff just made of eyeballs, there's stuff made of, you know, like there's a thing that just looks like a giant fruit roll up scorpion. Like it just like... - So specific. - It's very, and it's someone's thing. - I was gonna say, you nailed my two right off the bat. That's why I was like, "Mm, mm-mm, nope." - It's a common phobia. And it's going almost for effect to just kind of like leave its kind of like broken mangled like hand, like stretched out. - Do you really think you would stand a chance out there? You are beyond lucky. Now, continue and entertain us, or take your chances.

Chances. This is very much coming off like a threat, by the way. - I think Blevins is going to, he's gonna take a beat and think about it. He's gonna roll up his sleeves, kind of muster up his courage and take a step forward. And he's going to say, "I say that is quite enough. I don't think you know who you're talking to. If you take a closer look at my person and my entity, you'll see how misguided you are." And he's gonna stand there like he's about to like be judged. - This thing is gonna get like so close to you. - Hello. - That you can hear, you can hear this thing reflexively kind of like move around your face.

Like its organs and stuff are shifting to get away from your body heat. But the bone portions are getting like so close that the little hairs on your nose, like it's gonna like kind of bristle. Like it's like so close. - And then Blevins, when he gets that close, he's gonna stay under his breath. Look closely, look closer than close. (soft music) And he's gonna stop and freeze. Just kind of pray this bluff works. - Can I, you know what? Let's fucking go nuts here. Can I get a deception check? Just for the chutzpah. Like just like, I like it. - Come on Blevins.

- 20, oh my God. - What? I actually got it. Oh man. (laughing) - It sound like you were gonna question the role. Like this can't be right. - 'Cause I wasn't looking at it. I was looking at a different tab when I was rolling of course, you know, get the page I looked over 'cause it looked like it was gonna be a natural 20. That's why I said that. I looked over and it was an actual 20. I'll still take it. I'll still take it. So this thing is like right up against you. And like there's wafting, like stink coming off this thing. And it's kind of like a rainbow of, like he stinks like Elon Musk's ego.

Like just really like just rancid. And... - Axe Bobby spray. - Oh, smells like 4chan memes. Like he's just... (laughing) - Nice. - And he's going to take a few moments and sort of like get eye level with you. But like, again, there's nothing here. And those bone plates are going to separate the most you've seen them separate before. And there is just this vague, kind of a gelatinous-y skin void back there. And it is going to start to take shape and move away and then kind of stick itself to Blevins's face. And it's going to start to kind of like move outward and kind of cover your scalp and like push aside your wig.

And that's gonna fall on the floor. And just kind of like... - Blevins is just gonna say out of panic, easy, my master still has use for me. Just like to him. Just out of pure panic. - And it's gonna take a bit. Does anyone do anything by the way, while this is happening? Or is it just like, let's see where you're going with this? Like it's kind of let nature take its course at this point. - Dare Blevins is a freaky dude. It's not that weird. - Look, I just had to make sure anyone can jump in. I didn't say I thought you would. I'm just, you know. - You know what?

Tatiana will pick up his wig for him. - Oh, very nice. - I'm actually gonna reenact him. - Oh. - So this doesn't look like a friendly act. You know, if I could... - He hasn't been friendly thus far. - Yeah. So Larg is going to raise his ax over the neck area of this thing that has extended toward him, towards Blevins. 'Cause the way I'm imagining is like the thing's body and it like craned its head forward. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty focused on him. - That elongated neck area looks real exposed to Larg. So if this goes south, he's gonna be ready. He's just gonna ready an action to hack at that.

- Still on fire? - Still on fire. - Okay, cool, cool, cool. Can I raise that without like dragging it on the ceiling or whatever? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, because like, as you do it, it's going to retract. Like it's going to make room for you almost like. - Man, in better circumstances, he'd be having so much fun with that. - Oh. I'd say a solid 10 seconds go by of him just like, just like he's on top of your head. Just kind of like, it's kind of a vague suctiony kind of feel, and it's going to retract and kind of stuff itself back inside where a face might go.

And then those bone plates are going to close back up and you appear to be fine. Like you still have a skull and everything. It's pretty cool. And he's going to stop focusing on you and look away, but he is going to speak. Ah, you are most entertaining. I do hope you continue. Clearly you are the leader here. - Blevins is going to dust off his clothes. Clearly you're quite reasonable. I am still unharmed, intact. Maybe we can still talk while the talking's good. Tell me creature, what would you like? What would entertain you? - Again, still kind of like, like he's almost going to turn back to you.

- What wasn't clear. - Climb the tower. Finish the trial. Move quickly. - I have no qualms with that, but you know, being a fearless leader that I am, I must get back to my constituents and we'll talk about it. - He takes a step back. - He's killing me that you look so pleased with yourself. That's the thing. It's just a goofy ass smile every time. It's like, like, you're just so happy about it. - Like every Sims that doesn't get beheaded. He's like, oh, I have a crowd. - One win for me. Like every time just. (laughing) - Being a bard in hell, baby. So. - No, go ahead.

- I was just going to have everyone kind of take a step back so we can kind of do a huddle real quickly. - Okay, I mean, Mark goes. - All right. So we're all huddled together and Blevins is just going to say to everyone, okay, so I don't think it hates us. - What? Is that what we were trying to figure out? (laughing) - Blevins just has a shot look on his face. Well, I mean, it seems we have choices. We could either stay in this death tower or we can go into the open expanse of hell. - Bella's probably going to ask Splatt one more time, like, do you know what the fuck is going on?

What does he mean by entertain us? And she's going to like take him down and like look at him in the face. Like put him in the middle of the huddle. - I'm just going to take this shit out of me. - One more piggyback until we get to me. - He didn't want that. He was really just happy holding onto the horns and ducking down back there. - I'm sure he was. I was like, no, no. You get to eat the food. You get to participate in the group. - He just wanted to eat the food. - I know, buddy, me too. - He's instantly, the second you lift him up and put him in there, it's like he shrinks.

Like he's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know what that is, but I don't like the feeling from it. Does that make sense? - Yeah, none of us do. What does it mean? - Which part? Climb? - I know what climb means, bud. - Entertain. - You get the feeling he's dodging the question just a little bit. - I know what he is. - And the us part, the us part I'm confused on. Us, like that's whatever, that's one of the gods. That doesn't seem very godly. I don't know, just me? - Everyone? - Mm-hmm. - Apparently. - Ask had been so many things though, really.

- It depends on, it depends on. - It's flat. Look at me, like, look at me. - Oh, you're doing the mom thing. Oh no, give me flat out intimidation. That's, that's, it's flat. You don't need to be, it's fine. Oh god, too high, he's dead. No. (all laughing) - Just grab my book, it's tingled. - Or is it flat? - Water boredom. - Simple question. - There's like a whole half hour segment where you're like, hold on, and you're just like. Oh no, it's Dasani. Like it's just, it's hell, so it's the worst water. - Ew, ew. - Sorry, too far, you're right. I'm sorry. - That's where I draw the line.

Dasani. - No. - Dasani. - Shit's gross. He's, like, he'll stop stammering. All right, look, I wasn't completely honest about a few things. I have been up and down the tower five separate times and I have never been able to get out. And I was hoping that I could piggyback on you and we could make it out together. - How far up have you gotten? - 98. - She's gonna probably like look, like, do you think there's even a way out of this fucking tower? Five times, are you kidding me? Five times. What was up there? - He's gonna put his head down. Like he's ashamed of something.

Like it's bad. Like, it depends on what floor you go to. You can skip some of them, but I've had to do some awful, awful things to beat some of the challenges. And I was hoping we would just get lucky and avoid some of them, but I don't think that this is some benevolence that you're dealing with here. This is, it's cold, detached. They don't seem to care if you kill someone who's helpless and small. - And delicious. - Smack his hand away. No. (soft music) - Okay. What? Okay. Sorry. She's just like trying to process. She's like- - No, it's a lot. It's a lot. - Five times.

Like she's just, that's what she's gonna, five times. She's gonna take it. She's gonna kind of look at everybody else. Like, is there even a way out? You know, like, why are we even doing this then? Five times. I don't want to do this forever. - He's gonna, like, as you're holding him, like he's gonna kind of reach his hand out and kind of like tap on your wrist. Like, it's like, there's one more thing you should probably know. I didn't start out like this. Like, I was different, but I can't remember what, but it wasn't this. And that could happen to all of you if we keep going.

But if we make it to 100, we could get out. Like, yeah, kind of, it's like, look, it's like, come on, we're further than like, you know, like it's not all bad. Like, you know, you guys have been lucky so far. Let's, you know. - Has anybody ever gotten out? - He, you could see his eyes are kind of like, kind of like searching for like a memory or something. And he's just kind of like shrugs like, I don't know. - So if we fail, we could end up like you Splat. - Just like a solemn nod, like. - Weak and delectable. - She's gonna like, - Terrifying places. - She's gonna like pull him slightly away from Blemeth.

- No, no, I'm upset with you, but no, you don't get to be eaten. Hang on. - Not yet. - Again, I can't remember what I used to be, but I was bigger, stronger, like not scared. - I love him so much. - So Splat, you've been here a long time, just in hell in general. And you prefer to go up the tower five times instead of braving the outside. Is it truly that daunting? Is what the demon showed us, what we could expect on a daily basis out in the hell expanse? - There's something in his eyes you're gonna kind of recognize. One is that there's large chunks of his memory missing.

But there's kind of a realization that like he doesn't know anymore. Like this is just, it's gotten to the point where this is it. This is all he remembers doing. - How is his life, man? - That's it. So like he's so far removed from what he came in as that, like, yeah. So if you could see an existential crisis in someone's eyes, that's it. - So this is what I think. And Larg's been kind of just being very quiet up to this point. He's just so, here's what I think. I think that there are people here and he like points to this group who shouldn't be here. I think there's a lot of people out there who shouldn't be here either.

- Blevins puts a hand on your shoulder. Thank you. - Just taps it off as he keeps going. I think that we owe it to everybody who doesn't belong here to get you to the exit. And then we'll kind of take it from there. But me personally, he's gonna look at Blevins for a second and then back at the weird Silent Hill demon. I kind of feel like acting like somebody who does belong here and he's gonna turn around and attack it. - Oh. - Yes. - Could you give me an attack roll please? Just give me a, yeah. - I will. - Describe the attack you're going for. - So he's kind of standing there just like, he was waving the ax around as a torch, but very quietly over the past couple minutes conversation, he kind of just adjusted his grip on it very slowly into more of like a woodcutters type grip.

- Got it. - And then he's just basically gonna turn around, imagining that he's had his back to this thing while we were huddled and just vertical slice is what we're attempting. - Okay. - He seems to like to be split that way anyway, so. (laughing) See what we can do. Let me remember how to attack in this thing. - It's been a little bit. - Here we go. Attack. I click on the icon. - Here's my question. - Okay. - Is this a surprise attack? Is that an advantage thing? - I think, you know what? One, this thing has no eyes or whatever. And like, I think the vibe it's given off is like, you don't have the balls.

Like you are here to entertain me. Fuck you. Like very, like you're wasting his time. So yes, I think advantage. - There it is. - A 24. - Blevins was a girl kiss ass to bring his guard down. - Ah, it's a long game. - A whole strategy. - Let's see. So let's do damage now. Damage is normal. (soft music) - Shoot, sorry. It's been so long since we've done. - You're fine. It's gonna be seamless when we edit it. - We're gonna throw a divine smite on there too. - Oh. - So that's 2D8 more damage. So we'll roll those first, I guess. 2D8. - I'm gonna add seven to this. - Oh Jesus, max damage.

Okay. - Yeah, so 22. - Just feels like largest targets, smite everything we come across. - So this thing is going to, it's gonna hit dead center, right? Like I'm thinking like chest neck region. This is a big ass like battle axe type thing. It's going to land with this kind of a shrink, like thud right there and stop halfway between them. And his body's going to contort around it and flare out like violently. Almost like watching something like get hit in slow motion. Like you can see that shockwave ripple thing and it's going to stretch real far out because this thing's still on fire.

And it is like, so he just kind of puffed out and got real big and his head is kind of like fallen over. Like half of it is just slinked over and it's still doing the thing where it's like trying to like look and like, but now it's two halves. And the second this makes contact, this entire, this room, this whatever is going to bristle and bits of it are going to get real jagged and sharp. I need a dexterity saving throw from everyone, please. - I made it worse. - You said dexterity. - I said dexterity. You should be fine. - Wow, Josephine with the 19, with the zero modifier.

- The heavy armor. - Well. - Well. - I can't get mine to go. - You click on the word. - Thank you. - No problem. It's sometimes it's- - I was picking the number. - If you want to cast a spell or use an attack, it's the icon, everything else it's the word, it's weird. So 11's out agileed everyone. - Spry for an old man. - I think so. Okay. Okay. So yeah, lark with an eight that's our lowest. So like it's going to gore everybody who didn't roll at least a 13, right? Like bits and pieces, like jet select two D4 damage but you know, and not only that, but this thing's going to start to like warp and tilt.

So the entire like room is going to tilt, but this, that thing in the center stays at the center. So no matter where the room tilts, this thing is, it's like gyroscope, it's not moving anywhere. And Blevins is going to shoot four of the three of them is going to shoot four or five of these purple spider leg things out of his midsection and just stick onto things. So he just kind of like dangles there in sways. Like he doesn't move at all because like these things and I need to be clear. This isn't like an energy that's coming from him. These things ripped their way out of his body and are now just like bright purple appendages that are there.

No pain is felt. It is just, yeah. - Just the more like pleasurable shutter. - I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight. - I've been holding that in all day. You don't even know. So this thing now is like the entire room shifts and people are starting to like slide and this thing is, you can see like you've done damage to it but it is fucking furious, right? You dare use your power on me. And as he's doing it, like he's like those bones are snapping into place. Like they are, please. - I have a second attack. - Please, as he's talking, hit him again, do it. - Oh my God.

- I'm gonna do it again. - Yes, Lord. - Standard roll. Come on, attack. Ooh, less good, 15. - 15 will do it. - All right. - 15, this guy's not an AC thing. He's a hit points thing. (laughs) - How many spell slots do I have? Do I wanna smite again? I think I do. Oh yeah, yeah, we're gonna smite again. (laughs) We're fine, here we go. So let's add seven to this. Oh, worse. - Okay, well. - That's 11. - I need another. - 11 damage. - Contuation. - So, okay, let's do, okay. Let's first do T four. What the fuck is, what is wrong with me? Two D four damage. I'm excited and I just like, it's like I can skip syllables, it's fine.

That's one D four. I could have rolled two, but didn't. It's for the drama of it. Four, four damage to everybody who didn't roll over 13 for that deck save. Now, as he's talking, like you dare, like you just kind of like, I picture this almost like an uppercut this time. Like you're grabbing the ax out of him and just slicing upward almost. And he's going to divide like harshly, like more like, this isn't like an, oh, it's elegant. And like, he's, it's hurting. You can see the difference between him undulating normally and him like tearing and ripping, like, and this room is just going to get sharper and tilt and twist.

I need a dexterity saving throw from everybody one more time. - Oh my God, better I guess, but. - Whoa, shit. - 11 is distracted mentally feeling too good. - Should I make splat roll? I'm not gonna splat roll. You're still, you're still holding him. You're still holding him. - I am a little tighter. - Yeah, but you got nervous and you squeezed real hard. - Oh no. - His eyes are just a little buggier than they were before. - I like, I'm so frustrated with him, but also I love him so much. - So Josephine Larg and Blevins are going to pitch and start moving, but Blevins is going to move in such a way that the legs are walking.

It's like, like it's his idea. Like he's almost like this weird cat creature. It's like fine. And he's just gonna start like moving that way. And you remember how I said the wall opened up to show you what it's like outside? That's the way this thing is pitching. And you're getting dumped out into like the ether. And you're like, you're right on the cusp of that. And I imagine like people are holding on. You're gonna take another two D4 damage. Whoever did fail that. It's only three. It's nothing, that's barely hellish. So this thing is just, I think he's more like shocked than in pain.

Like who the fuck do you think you are? Like- - The one time I've had to talk it out as a demon. Just flabbergasted. - So yeah, like as every, as basically the entire room upends itself and this guy's doing his weird, you know, ego thing. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like it's just gonna be like literally just going, sorry, I thought you wanted to be entertained. - Let me, okay, so this is a plus seven, but this is an attack he's gonna throw at Larg. And oh my God. So that's a five plus seven, 13. So he's going to like very violently, up throw his entire right half of his body.

And it's just going to be this mixture of like, just pus and skin and muscle and bruise and bone. Just trying to like pin Larg to a wall or the floor or anything, right? I don't know if a 13 hits you though. - It does not. - Okay, so he is going to miss as you, you like sideswipe this thing. And he is going to keep deforming and growing larger as these bones snap into place. And instead of looking emaciated, he is going to look like, like just rippling, like rippling flesh monster is the best way I can put it. And that black silky fog thing is just going to start sticking to the walls as like he just encompasses the room.

Like he's just going to get larger. And this guy's going full monologue as he's doing this, like outraged, and every time he misses you or gets hit, just like, oh motherfucker, like you could feel it. Like just coming off of him. And he starts going, after the second hit, like it's like, oh, how dare you? Like you go up through his mouth and you would be nothing without us. Like just like every time he like punctuates a syllable, like he gets bigger, like a puffer fish and just like those jagged bits of floor and musculature and bone shards and fragments are just going to like splinter outward.

- Who the fuck is this? - Yeah, I wonder what he means by us, which team is he? - You don't even go here. (laughing) - Can't sit with us. - You did kind of walk into his room and just like start tossing shit. I mean, you know, but. - He was not dressed. - He was rude. - He was mean. - Let me ask everybody else, what the fuck? Like you see Lark start chopping at this thing and it's not taking kindly to it and it's not slowing down, it's getting bigger. And you're being dumped out into the fucking void here. Like what's going through your head? What, what, what?

I would start with Tati because you rolled a crit. - I sure did. - You did. Sorry, I'm eating an egg roll for awakeness. (laughing) I need the calories. So I think the first one, Tati got thrown around. She took some damage and the second one got her bearings and is seeing Larg attack this, whatever the fuck, freaking hell creature is in here. And I feel like Tati would have Larg's back and would attack too. I really feel like that's what she would do if I can. - Do it. - Is that okay? - Why would I tell you no and him yes? Yeah, no. - Well, we got rolled initiative so I didn't know if that was, okay.

- I mean, it'd be kind of sexist of me to say, it's like, no, you can't, like, you know, it'd be weird. - You know what I meant. - Okay. - Internet would crucify me. Like I just, yeah. What with your vagina, you can't fight. - Can you shoot from the kitchen? (laughing) - I'm mad that I laughed at that. (laughing) - That was a quick one, Javis. - I had a real should I, shouldn't I moment on that one. That's my theme tonight. - That's one of those if everybody doesn't laugh, uh oh. (laughing) - The call goes silent. - Javis in. - You guys are breaking up, I'm gonna have to do something.

- It was a joke. - And he was never seen again. - 17, that'll hit. - Okay. - Nine damage. - Nice. - So this thing is fully focused on Lark. So much so that I think that's sneak attack diver worthy. - Really? - Yes. - Okay, I believe that at level eight, it's 3D6, but let me just double check. - Sure. - 'Cause I haven't done that in a while. - Also, I don't know why, but when you said I need an egg roll for energy. - Four. - Four egg rolls. - Four egg rolls, I just picture you having a stack of like energy rolls next to you every once in a while. It's like, let me pop an egg roll and you know, just like they're cold.

- These are my protein rolls. - Right, it's like, oh man. Don't talk to me in the morning before I've had my egg roll. - If I could start every day with an egg roll, I mean. - You'd be dead. - Why not? (laughing) - You have a heart attack. - It's 46, so. - Oh, okay. 16, nine, so that's say, what is it? 27 there? So as this thing is focusing, 25? Wait, yeah, you're right, 25. That's, dude, I'm an American, it's fine. So this thing is focused on trying to get Larkin. I almost feel it's almost like a bam, bam, like he's like tacking into the ground to try and get him and Larg's just like rolling out of the way.

And from the back, you're going to hit this thing and it's going to like kind of splinter and shatter outward that way toward Larg and then kind of pull back in. And this thing's going to stop dead. It's going to stop and like pull back and its voice is going to get really quiet. Like it's hit a point of rage. - Oh no. - It's even scarier than screaming. Yeah, no, it's got that, it's like, it doesn't even have a mouth, but you could feel it have that tight lift thing, like, okay, okay. Like that thing, like it's like, oh shit, I'm about to get hit. Like that, that, that like.

And this entire structure is going to start to peel itself, that you're going to hear this, this skin kind of like sloth and separate and this room is going to continue to pitch. Fine. If you think you're so worthy, then we'll stop protecting you and cast you out with the layers upon layers of demons. And when you die. - And it's still moving that head and it's going to like dislocate everything and move toward the direction where Tatiana is, is going to be. Tatiana is and you will die. This is where you will remain for several eternities. And it is going to puff up one last time.

And I need a dexterity saving throw of 18 or higher. (soft music) - 13, 17, 22 from Vella. - Do you mind if I do a silent prayer before I roll? - Absolutely go right ahead. - Okay. - Well, that's that. I don't know what you prayed to, but it was the wrong. - No one's listening. - Yeah, no. You get cool spider legs though. So that's pretty cool. - I love it. - Cool creepy. - Yeah, well, I mean, okay. Creepy and useful. No slipping in the shower for that old man. Like, you know, just. - No broken hips here. (all laughing) - Who needs a medical alert button when you can have spider legs?

Save yourself money. - You're going to watch this form, all this skin sharpened and bones pop out. And it is going to like a wall, inject that way and push you out violently into just midair over the hellish canyons and shit. And all of you, except for Vella, are going to be ejected into the air. Now what's interesting here is I have to roll something for Splat. - Poor Splatty man. - Oh, that's a three. Splat's not very dexterous, but that's okay. So Splat's very much tied to you, but something interesting is going to happen as everyone else exits. Like you're going to be just on the cusp.

Like I imagine you were grabbing a fold of skin and just like, you have to, like, it's not a wall. It's not like there's a girder or something. So you have to grab this piece of like, it feels like a cheek, inner cheek. And you just kind of like grab like a fistful of it and twist so that you can hold on. And you're just kind of like flapping in the wind. Oh, it's like, you know what I mean? You could just, you're holding on. Everyone else is just jettisoned out and they are falling. But two things are going to happen. One, this thing is going to reach out and grab one of those spider legs from Blevins and yank back.

And when he does, you're going to see this, this tiefling form get yanked back up into this structure. And Blevins is going to fall freely. - Blevins is screaming like a madman. - No, no! - And I'm going to give Vella a choice because you're the only one to have hung on. There are several things here that look to be like containers, I guess I would say, but they're basically pieces of skin that have overgrown bits and pieces of metals and valuables and that type of thing. And I'd say there are four that are really close to you. And I'm going to give you the opportunity to pick one of them and grab at it before you are ejected out.

It's a concession prize. - Okay. I'm actually just going to leave it up to the dice. - You mind grabbing my tiefling for me? - No, hard no. I mean, yes, I do mind as a no, I will not. - Ah. - Okay. So actually I'm just going to let, wait. Well, this is kind of spur of the moment, so I can't imagine there's really any time to really debate. Oh, that one looks bad, you know. So she's just going to grab the first one, the one that's closest to her. - Okay. So as you're kind of like holding into this, like this big piece of cheek skin, you're going to like grab and claw and Splats going to be holding onto your arm the entire time.

And he's thinking, oh, you're grabbing to hold on. We're going to claw our way back in here. Fantastic. Kind of. But your hand is going to plunge into this, it's basically a boil, right? So the second you do, I'm sorry. So the second you do, like your hand is covered in this kind of a, it's like hot mayonnaise basically, texture wise. You know what I mean? And you're going to grab something and it feels like a pole or a handle or something like that. And you're going to pull back and you're not going to get a terribly good look at it because just after that, you're going to be jettisoned.

You know, you're going to be jettisoned from this place. And that's obviously, you know, like you kind of want to stick with the rest of the party and whatever. So that's cool. But you are going to grab something as you're jettisoned out and the entire party is going to plummet back down to a ground level. And I think that's a good time for us to stop for the night. OK. Is it can we establish that Splat is with me falling and not inside the tower with Darmok? No, no. Good. Cool. My fear was that Splat would become the new Darmok vessel. I was going to fight you.

I don't know if that's is that is that intimidating? I don't think that's intimidating. I don't know how much you can get out of Splat. I was like, don't please know my baby. My boy. I wish he wasn't splat. All I had to do is eat him and get him back. Oh, my God. Only no eating of my boy. Not now. There's no Darmok. Isn't there another way? He's just a boy. I want to talk to you about this a bit, Zach. With if you have time this next week, like just like a quick text chat, I want to run a couple of ideas for sure, because, you know, when it comes to warlocks, you know, they be powers temporary.

Put it that way. Very temporary. Doesn't have to be. Work so now. There's a reason why Blevins made a deal in the first place. Let's first and foremost, it was there's a real reason. So I got you. I got you. That's why you are so excited. Everybody just being mad at Larg, I think. What? What the fuck? Well, did he did that creature ever identify itself? Did I miss it? No, I never did. It implied pretty heavily that it was one of the gods, I think. Yeah. Like, we just don't know. More than anything, like it's it's implying that like. If there's no benevolence there, there's no like kind of it is very like you, you owe us like it's not a oh, we're here to help or we're not like I think the assumption going is like, oh, it's the gods like that, you know, like we just got to prove that we're worthy and everything.

But as you as you kind of get up there, you realize it's like, oh, this is like. It's kind of bullshit, like this is just it's a test, I guess, but like it's more. They bored you. It's a game. Yeah, but they were protecting us from the unknowns of like the open world of hell. But only so you'll be. Yeah, that's classic abuser language. I'm just.