Thunder

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(dramatic music) - Well, let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table, starting with Jamie. - Hello, I'm Jamie. I play Tatiana, the human rogue. - And Zach. - What's up, my name is Zach and I play Blevin Elmar Ruthefor, the human bardlock. - And Lisa. - Hey, my name is Lisa and I play Vella, the minotaur rogue. - And Karen. - Hi, I'm Karen and I play Jessephine, the human cleric. - And last and certainly not least, Jamison. - Hi, I'm Jamison, I play Larg, the half orc, Bar-baradalladin.

As you know, we've been trying to get this session in the can now for months, and there's just been a plethora of problems. And with that comes a little rust. There's a little like, you know, we gotta get back into the swing of things. And you guys have a big boss fight today. And it was brought up that you guys have been on one, you know, crazy leg of this adventure to the other, and you haven't had a long rest. And you're about to fight Drak. And I'm about to kick the shit out of you. Like I'm gonna swing hard. Now, that being said, I thought we could do a fun little thing.

I have this Buzzfeed trivia page open. And what I was gonna do is go one by one and ask you five questions. And the more you get right, the more good stuff will happen. So you get three right, you get a level up. Two right, you get a long rest. If you get one right, you get inspiration. There's, you know, like, however, the more you get wrong, the reverse will happen. I'm not gonna level you down. I would never do that. That's terrible. But I will make you roll on a short-term madness table. So. Yeah. We're babies now. ♪ Tension babies ♪ I think we need to start with Jamie.

No, I'm the worst at trivia. Well then I'll let you pick someone else. Oh God, no. That's the, that's even more mean. I'll just do it. I'm not a fan of the popcorn reading back in the day. All right. Now this is Buzzfeed, so it's taking the piss, honestly. It's all over the map. Specifically, I specifically got one that's just everything. It's, we're cast in a wide net. You could be asked about anything. Just random. Absolutely random. And I, you know, I hate that. So I picked it. Question the first. Who was the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic ocean?

I feel like I, I feel like what I think it is is too obvious, so I don't want to say it, but I honestly don't know any other female pilots. So I'm going to go with Amelia Earhart. That is true. Awesome. That sounded good. Fun fact, there's never been another female pilot. That's it. That's right. She was the only one. And then she got lost and everyone said no more. No more ladies. You're not good with reactions. She was supposed to go to Toledo. That's the thing no one talks about. Honestly, I when you was like, oh, I can't mention, I don't know many pilots, honestly, but like, yeah, so that's the only one we ever talk about, really.

And that landed in the New York Harbor like that guy. So, yeah, but he's that guy. Yeah. Yeah, that's. Yeah. But those are the two I can think of. That's that's one. You get inspiration right up the bat. If I get one wrong now, will my inspiration go away? No, you just get one of the bad things. Oh, OK, OK, OK. So they both. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Got it. Yeah. How many times did Ross Geller marry and divorce and friends? I told you we're all over the map. Maybe it's I told you Ross Geller and Amelia Earhart are an equal. Like you asked me, right. They asked me about friends.

I'm going pure insane. Character wise, because I watched the whole show. I don't remember a thing. Right. That's how I feel about friends. It's like I never watched the whole show, but I did see episodes. I could not tell you a single plot line. That's not the one where it's like everybody knows your name. That's that's cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Come on. Friends is. Have you seen have you seen Jurassic Park, Zach? Did you require in that conversation? All right. Yeah, of course. That was quite the whale, you know. Let's let's make one, right? Uh, Jamie, we're stalling here.

I'm going to go with three times. I think that's three strikes. Three times is correct. That is correct. Or I was like, I couldn't remember the first wife if they showed that in the show or not, because I remember him starting off as being divorced. That was a big thing that like, yeah, his wife was like a lesbian or something that made him maybe gay. Or something. It was a lot of stuff. It was the early 90s. Like he caught gay or something. I don't know. They made a weird thing out of it. You get a long rest. How about that? Which green is usually found in a Caesar salad?

Oh, romaine. Holy shit. Yeah, romaine lettuce. I love Caesar salad. Does that mean I get a level? Yes, you get a free level up. Holy shit. What are you doing? You little hoe. I'm no good at this. No, I mean, I'm really not. I look at my track record on this show like I'm very not good at it. And I say I wasn't ready for anybody to get more than three. Correct. So I guess I just got to give you another level. It was a stab in the dark. Honestly, yeah. Five out of five. I feel like drop just dies, right? Like just has a heart attack. No, no. They at least get Lucas. This is we're going by oblivion rules.

He's just going to level to scale with you and you'll never. Wait a minute. What? None of us scale. I guess I guess he's going to carry the party, honestly. Karen, we're going to say Karen's crazy up there. Didn't Jamie already receive a level before? Like way back. I can't. Yeah. Oh, I was caring that one. Yeah, I know Karen did. Anyway, here we go. Question number four. Ray Charles was famous for playing what instrument? The piano. Yes. A piano. That's two level ups. Fuck it. Fuck. You know, I know I didn't plan for this. This is amazing. My dream is puppet. OK. What country?

Is Taz the Tasmanian devil from? Hmm. I feel like he's from America. Wait. Tasmanian? But what countries that in? Oh. Oh. Oh, we might take her down to this one. I was going to say, I don't think I know this one because I think I'm mixing up him with a little hamster guy. You talk about Speedy Gonzalez? Speedy Gonzalez. My favorite. That hurt me here, and I don't know why. Like that's not even my generation of like, but I everyone watched a thousand hours of Looney Tunes growing up. Yeah. Including ones they can't show anymore. Definitely my generation. Yeah. I mean, I guess I could just throw one out there.

Where would he be from? Just give me a continent, a continent. Yeah. Europe. What? What? I don't know. Did you say Europe? Europe. So that includes the most things, right? I mean, I think it takes away your previous four points. No, I knew it was too good to be true, but I would get through a trivia session without embarrassing myself. That was geography. Before you even ask that question, I swear to God in my brain, I was like, I swear to God, if I get any geography fucking questions, I. Right? Oh, shit. Geography. I don't know. But if you want to ask me about salad, I got you.

It's all oil. Yeah. You are on that, too. It's Australia. It is Australia. So I thought, OK, well, here's the thing, though. You walked out a winner. Yeah. Yeah. So much better. Yeah. You get one reverse inspiration and we'll get into what that is when we get in there. But like you walked out a winner like no one can say. You set a bar that every other member of this group now has to. Has to be judged against. Karen's boy, let's. Let's. Good luck, guys. Karen, I can do it. Think I'm in the previous. Champion where you just we just fucking do it. We don't we don't. Yeah.

Linger. Yeah. I get it done. All right. That's that's that's the manager talking right there. Get it done. Last manager standing. Question number six. Let them eat cake is a famous misquote attributed to who? Oh, Marie Antoinette. Yes. What? Very nice. You did not actually say that. How would anybody know that? History. How do you hear a nerd? Yeah. Like it's there's like four movies, you know. That she said that. No, but like about her, like there's been a bunch of like, you know. Yeah. All right. It's like I still don't understand. Who? What biological order do frogs belong to?

Oh, God. I feel like the obvious answer again. I feel like the obvious answer is not the obvious answer. Right. The New York Jets. The Alex Jones show. I have that in my head all the time. When you said that, I took a second. Yeah. Breaking frog. That remix, baby. And I feel like I'm going to pronounce this wrong also. Infibian. Yes. Infibians. Yes. That's two. Very nice. Turn the freaking. Game frogs. Game frogs. I'm just waiting for the eventuality where where Karen and Lisa both get levels of love. It's just me and James is sitting at a certain level. We might as well just be drow and let them whip us.

It is like the second class citizens we are. We got it. Just be smart. No way. There's no way. Pickles. Start out as what? Shvech de Bell. It's a cucumber. Cucumber is correct. That's three, baby. That's a level up. Holy shit. If you tipped 20 percent on a 15 dollar bill, how much would you tip? Got to give you 10 seconds in my head, I can't do that math in my head. 20 percent on 15. Yep. Five seconds, like. Three dollars. God. Zero. I need a definitive answer. Like like 350. Three dollars. We were looking for three dollars. No, I thought it was right. That's what I was like.

This is how my brain did that math, right? I was like, OK, so 30 percent of 15 is five. So I wouldn't be able to do it. Like, don't don't feel bad. Like you handle money all the time. The only way I know how to do it is because my one of my best friends used to be a waitress. She said, just multiply like the first number times two. That will give you your base level if you're trying to figure out 20 percent. And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? She's like, or divide by five if you can do that. But like, yeah, multiply it by two. And you're fine. Yeah, I'm a very generous tipper.

So for me, 20 percent is. Yeah. That's what I was like. Damn it. OK. I was like 24 years old. I was like, Melody, do you know how much this would have helped me in high school? The question number 10, your last one. You have three correct and one incorrect. What month was Julius Caesar stabbed in? It's March, right? Are you asking or telling? It's March. It's March. It's March. The Ides of March. March 15th. Well, that's four correct. One incorrect. Tied with Jamie. What? Incorrect for the master is what I'm going to say. I feel like I should get partial credit for that.

Is that what's the asterisks? I like when we use would have been correct if numbers were different. Like what? What? What do I get? Do I get an advantage for my dyslexia? Because I feel like I'm dyslexic, too. It's not an advantage. You just poor reading out loud. It's not it's not helpful. All right. I need a volunteer to go next. I do it. Oh, man. That does like, you know what? That does leave the two guys left if Lisa is like four and one. That's a lot of pressure. We'll huddle together. Yeah. Shake and control will be. We'll share brain cells. You guys are smart in other ways.

Lisa, watching things. Banksy is an artist known for working with which medium? Paint. Like or are specific, what type of art? Oh, shit. OK. Like graffiti. Or like dead on. No, it's dead on. You got it. Yeah. What? Damn. I think IPA stand for. Pretty sure it's pale ale. Yes. I was about to say our hearts would break if I didn't know that. I was like, we're friends. What does it stand for? India Pale Ale. I didn't know that either. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that either. But yeah, shit. I I was like, oh, my Jamison should have got that question. But like, if not Jamison, it was it should be Lisa like you're like, boom.

Like you come from the land of beer and barbecue like that's, you know, like a new brewery just opened up three blocks from my house, a little microbrewery. So who painted the Mona Lisa? Da Vinci. First name Leonardo. OK. Yeah. My favorite Ninja Turtle. Donna. Hello. That's fair. You're a brain. I am strongly I'm strongly in the camp that you need a Cyclops. You need a leader. You need someone to not fuck around all the time. Everyone wants to be cool like Raphael. No one wants to do the work. Someone's got to be the guy studying the turns and cool runnings. That's all that's all.

That's our monologue you're giving right now. Three correct. You're three for three. How many time zones are there in Russia? What the fuck? Look, it's so big. You know what? It's so big. I'm just going to say 12. It's so big. Eleven. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Wow. For a for a wild throw a dart at a. I never would have guessed that high. Like fucking left hook of a question compared to everything else. Like, yes, it's for like. All right. Last question. Number 15, which country drinks the most beer per capita? I think I know this. I'm torn between two, and I don't think either of them is the US.

I'm torn between like Germany and Ireland. And I'm going to go with Germany solely for Oktoberfest. The Czech Republic. What? Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Them Czechs be drinking. It's a real test for them. Honestly, I think it's literally like Ireland, Germany, right after that. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. I'm really bummed. They say, oh, you did great. You got to level up. I got to get to. So you are going to get a random debuff. But that's OK. It's just it's just for this fight and that it goes away. OK. The level up you keep forever. OK. So Jamie and Karen went four for one. Lisa went three for two.

Zach, I must call upon you. Everyone out there enjoying the trivia. That's why you tuned into this D&D podcast. Look, we have to establish stakes, and these guys have had the shit kicked at him for a year. Like, all right. Wow. I got that. I apologize. Sorry. Let me let me apologize to you right away. Name the Great Lakes. Plural? Yes. There's more than one. How many Great Lakes are there? So can I can before I do, could you at least give me the good graces of letting me know, like the number like there are four? There are five Great Lakes. I didn't even know that.

So but we need their names. I'll give you a hint. They both they all start with Lake. Do you know? I've spent. Like at least 27 years in Texas, surrounded by zero lakes. I just golf. You got a golf down there. It's like a lake. Yeah, I know that one. It's like a big lake. It leads to Mexico. Well, can you start with Lake Erie? Is that one? Yeah, that's one. That's one. That's honestly more than I would have got. That's that's one. I just it's like the most obvious to me. OK. Is there one called Lake? Lake Shit. Yeah, no one goes to that one. That's in Jersey. Hey, I'm walking here around Lake Shit.

Is there one called Lake Lake? Valor? No, but it sounds awesome. I got a I got a call time. I got a I mean, I already missed one. I Lake Ontario. That's the one I can. Lake Erie, Lake Superior and Lake Huron. That's what I was thinking above Lake Superior. You got to think I called it Lake Valor. I know all about that area. Oh, wow. OK. Lakes. Who did Timothy Olyphant play on The Office? Timothy Olyphant, who was in one or two episodes. Oh, shit. OK. One or two episodes. Yeah, I feel like these questions are real. I feel like they jacked up the difficulty on these.

I got to remember the face. I got to remember the face. He was just a friend of Office. God, the elephant's been in a bunch of stuff like real good character actor. Oh, you ever watch Deadwood? Oh, my God. He's so good. Deadwood. I didn't actually know. That's OK. Was it? He was in The Girl Next Door. He was the bad guy in Die Hard 4. He was the bad guy in Die Hard 4. Die Hard 4. That's the Die Hard where everything went just haywire. It just... You said he was on the episode. Oh, he was on Office for two episodes. Yeah, like one or two episodes, something like that.

It's Santa Clarita Diet. These are the whitest shows in the fucking world, by the way. Like every one of these, like I'm embarrassed to like. I even know who he is and I can't think of who he was in the office. Like if I saw a glimpse of his face, I'd probably be able to name it. Wait, I'm sorry. Oh, can I give like a hint? Sure. He had like eight other shows. Yeah, he had like a weird arc on The Office where like he went on a date with Pam before she hooked up with Jim. I remember now they were like harassing him because they're like, why didn't you call her back?

I've got a call time. I'm sorry. Me dating everybody. I'm sorry. That's true. Oh, whoa, whoa. Let's let's remember. I can't remember. The office has ended. People have tried their hardest to to besmirch Pam and Jim, and I will not have it. Danny Cordray was his very memorable character. Was it like the mechanic or something that came in the office? He was just another salesman. Another salesman. I can't remember. What's your body's largest organ? I want to say the intestines. It's the skin. I forgot that. I forgot that there's an organ. I was thinking, it's not a throw up.

No, it's not. Which country invented tea? I don't drink tea. There is an expression. Ah. Which country? Yeah. I mean, if like had to be like what you who else drinks tea? No one literally no one. Oh, so that are five seconds. I'll go with you. China. I was going to say, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do blank for all the tea in China is a is an expression. And finally, oh, my God. Question 20. How many times was Elizabeth Taylor married? This is it's so unfair. Taylor. Oh, baby. No, he's right. He's right. Why the fuck should he have to know that? I know why I know that.

Oh, this is what happens to me in trivia games. I sympathize so hard. Like you're like you hear all these other questions like I know these. The buzz runs you over and then backs over you again. Is that a princess? Is it? Or is it? Depends on who you asked. It's an actor. She was an actor in like the one of those people that vaguely if you if if you're either like in like a princess in Europe or actor, if someone cares about how many times you've been married. So I'm going to go with two. Eight. My bad. Well, maybe I didn't know that either. That's that's her legacy.

This is like, Jesus. Yeah, well, I mean, she lived beyond that. But like, oof. So, Zach, you are oh for five. OK, I should I should have known the skin. I should have known that one. That's my trick question. That's that's that's it's obvious. No, I think about it. I just. I get like barraged by the other questions, and it just like makes me like second guess things like, oh, does that mean I'm like permanently insane? Again, I wasn't planning for anybody to miss all five. I'm going to just we'll come back to it. Let me let me think. That's let me think. You think you turn into a drow?

I feel like you want to be subjugated. I feel like this is like a fetish thing now, like you. I feel like we keep coming back to that, like the gift mask. Right. So get mad. That's what I get. So it's a fandom community, right? Like that's what we're doing. Like Jesus, we're all furries now, right? There was a there was a discussion about furries for way too long. Oh, yeah. Jameson. How my turn with the brain cell. Here we go. You got this, buddy. How are you feeling about your chances now? Dorn ended over in a box. Just hit me as as the guy asking these questions.

I feel like the first 15 were at a different level than the next five. Listen, I'm glad I went for volunteering to go first. That's she's question 21. The last five. How many bones do sharks have? I think in parentheses, it says fuck you like it says that. Bones, teeth or bones, and I know they have a lot of those. I'm just going to say a number because I don't know. Thirty five. This is a man who's taking the shit that you have in cartilage. That's bullshit. What about teeth? What about their teeth? It's like it's a bullshit question. Who gets to read the premise?

Is that why they grow? I never watch Shark Week. I'm just saying you're right. I'm never watching. Fun fact, it starts nursing. You can watch this. Yeah. We know what you're having. Fuck a jellyfish. We used to quit. Get out of here. How long is an Olympic swimming pool in meters? Five hundred, I don't know. Fifty. We're looking for 50 meters. But I said 50. Yeah. That's what I heard. Welcome to how I always took tests in school, by the way. If I don't immediately know the answer, I just fucking say something. I don't know. Get it over with. Yeah. Oh, it's not waste of time.

This is so fun. In which language does Konichiwa mean hello? Japanese. Japanese is correct. What? Yay! Who was the first woman to win a Nobel Prize? Marie Curie? Yes. Correct. Man, all the women who were the first to do something died horrible deaths. Like I'm realizing that. She irradiated herself. Good job. You were the first. How many wisdom teeth does the average adult have? That's tricky because like there's some there's like a second set that I've heard sometimes referred to as I'm going to say four, because there's like sometimes the other set isn't called wisdom teeth.

I'm going to say four. Four is correct. Hey, that's a level up. All right. I had like six wisdom teeth. Just actually wisdom teeth. Yeah. They're all wisdom teeth, I'm wise as fuck. So most of you have now had a long rest. You're recharged. I don't think Blevins was too wiped. So like you should still be OK. Yeah, Blevins is always ready for some fun. Yeah. So. As you guys are funneling down this this this this canyon, basically, and you know that the portal out of here isn't too terribly far away. You also know that that thing is closing. And hopefully the last major obstacle.

Is it like if you were to be drunk and one on one or five on one combat, then there shouldn't be anything else, right? I like the way you said that. I who's to say, really? Who knows? And Ellen is going to kind of sidle up next to Lark and kind of skipping, just like not thinking too much about this fight. But. So what's the plan when we get out of here? And we'll be honest, I haven't really thought about it. You know, just kind of look at her like been busy. Well, first things first, let's just. Let's just win and get everyone out that we can. He'll do that thing where he kind of like puts his hand on her like shoulder and like gives her a squeeze, which he's never done.

She's like a mother figure to him almost. But he's like kind of just like much more of like, I've, you know, I'll take care of it. That gesture, you know. There is going to be a moment where she was probably ready to kind of like like, OK, like, you know, but the shoulder squeeze is going to be like a pause. Look. How everything's worked, however, this works out. I I just wanted to say how proud of you I am that. I. You've done so much and. Just to see where you came from, it's. It just means a lot, that's all. Um. It was all because of you. And then he'll just like, with the accent.

I am going to add you to the table as you round this corner, there's there are going to be like peels of lightning and stuff like as you like. It's not a thunderstorm. It is centered on like one point. So it just it almost looks like strobes are like fireworks and everything. And there are just peels of lightning going into one spot. And as you round the corner, you're going to see this, this barrel chested guy. And. He he kind of has this ethereal ax and. It's almost like he knows you're coming, like he welcomes it, like he wants, like he's waiting for you to be funneled in here and he's he's not attacking.

But. As you close that gap. There's going to be this this big, gruesome smile on his face, like just eyes bright white, just energy just pouring off this guy. And. He's. Clearly ready for a fight, but not doing anything that would sully this, not not not throwing anything at you, not not acting first. He's waiting for you to be ready. And I'm going to add you to the table here. Now, as we were walking up, was he staring our direction the whole time? Like as you rounded the corner, he's like focusing on the area you're in, like either he can feel you coming or new or whatever, like, you know, whether the gods put him here to just be an obstacle or whatever.

Are there any thoughts going into this, like what's? I mean. Beer. Is there any way we could get a representation of where the portal is as well on the map, maybe? Sure. Like kind of far, far away. It's it's a bit of a wait, like it's definitely off the map, but it's behind him, like, you know, I mean, like, yeah. Yes. It is visible to us, though, in character, right? Like we can see the thing. Yes. Like it's like this is a pretty big object. Like there's there's kind of like a bright blue light coming from behind everything, which really clashes with the green you've been seeing for most of this.

So it's it's eye catching. So Lark will be about a pace ahead of everybody as we sort of like start the the big hero walk towards this guy. And he'll he'll actually turn and like take a couple steps backwards and he'll just look at everybody and be like. Just don't stop, no matter what. I'm going to keep him on me as much as I can and just don't stop no matter what. Right. We believe in you, Lark. Really quick, though, does anyone else's clothes feel ill fitting? Tight. No. All right. He'll just kind of like do an awkward cough, kind of look at his cuffs awkwardly.

Pulling his shirt. So before he turns back around, he'll just kind of catch Tatiana's eye and he'll just be like, this would be a good one. And he'll turn back around. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? We're already in hell. And with that, he's going to break into a run and start heading towards him there. So he's kind of done this this this Maximus thing of like both arms outstretched, like gripping that ethereal acts in one hand. And you're you're coming at him and he's going to start to kind of like pull in his arms a bit and he is. Ecstatic, like.

Happy is all hell. You're you're running right at him. Could everyone please roll initiative? Sorry. Bounds off. Oh, no. I got it says maybe he'll want to talk. Oh, wait. Hey, nice. That tracks. You love it. I love to see it. That's I saw the title and I couldn't not giggle. OK, sure. So our first round doesn't look like he wants to talk. Well, you ran at him. He was waiting. He didn't. You know, hey, fair enough. You know, in the court of law, he's in the right. So our very first round is going to be Josephine Lark Tatiana Drax Blevins and then fella. Featuring booby sword.

Please. With you is always is Garth. I really I realized it's not on my D&D Beyond. It's something I had added here, so I had to go through and read it. So then I went to go look at it because I was like, maybe I can change that picture and popped it into chat. Hey, where's where's Splats Initiative? Where's Ellen? Oh, yeah. Ellen, is he not a warlock? So here's OK. We have two options. I didn't want to slow combat down too much. So Ellen can act as like like each round, like either heal or like give somebody advantage. Or I could just add her as a thing. I just didn't want to like drag this down.

And mostly I was thinking, oh, God, what if there's something wrong with the table at some point? And like we this in the bag. So let's stick to one NPC. I'm sure it's fine. It's just I mean, she just wants to heal per round. I feel like that's probably what she needed to do anyway. I yeah, that's probably going to be so like at the end of each. Well, here's what we'll do. We'll add her. She'll be our unit harm's way. So you're telling me Splat can't squirt out a few elders blast around. I can squirt a lot of things out. Excuse me. I know. Oh, wow. So that's that.

Oh, I can't wait after. Oh, first up is Josephine. That's me. I don't like being first as a cleric. I'm just going to state that record. But I think before Lark gets too far away, she's going to slap him on the shoulder and give him a little bit of resistance. So he can miss my shoulder by a couple of feet. Well, I think you can say we did it before you like started really running. You know, I met you smack me in the ass. Oh, oh, a good game. Good looking. Really getting me a little bumpy. Yeah. Yeah, there'll be somebody that's how it's done sport. If you need to make a saving throw, you can add a D4 to it if you need to.

Cool. Cool. I don't want to. It's just a cantrip. I don't really want to release these. Yeah, I wouldn't waste any big spells on me at this time either. Yeah, let's see how this goes before we. Yeah. You know, save the whole legendary hero of Theria. That's fine. Let's see how in charge our Lark is before I blow my spells. I don't really believe he is in charge. Yeah. Suss it out. That's what I'm going to do for the first time. Larg, you are up, baby. All right. We go. This is the second tone. OK, so the first thing I'd like to do is rage how far away is he? Five, 10, 15, 20, 20, 30.

My speed is 40. I can get to him. So we're going to charge directly at him like he he does that thing where he kind of like a that's my secret. I'm always angry type thing where he's like talking to the gang and then he goes and runs at them. So we're going to hit him as hard as we can. Before you do that, would you guys like a boss bar? Yeah, yeah. That'd be fun. OK, good luck, sir. OK, so I'm rereading my stuff here. So when you use correctly with a melee weapon, you make one additional melee attack as a bonus action. The other thing is. It's going to attack.

We're going to do normal. As a 19, 19 will hit. OK, so we're going to use a smite and we're going to also use that other ability that I just said. So we're going to go to the spell book. Whatever I'm going to burn the spell. This is going to give me two to eight extra damage plus one to eight for each spell level higher than first. This is all I have is first level spells. So this is two to eight extra damage. Let's roll that. Six extra damage. Six extra damage on top of the. If you roll the damage for Hellfire Greataxe in the chat. Yeah. So I'm just also the divine smite thing is six plus another six plus three.

So that's nine more damage. And now I'll do the damage for the X suite. Yeah, so, OK, six plus nine plus 13. Twenty five. Yes. Why do you make me do math like you do? So for future reference, when you're doing that and it's asking, you could put in a modifier, you could just put the the plus three. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The plus whatever damage you've done so far. So it counts it all at once. OK, so that was my first attack. Let's hit it again. Well, I'm going to get faster, I swear. It's only been three months since I've even looked at this table. Like I said, it's a little year.

You know that that's going to happen. Let's let's give them the damage that you've done so far. Yeah, let's see the bar. Not move. Oh, oh, oh. It's a decent, decent job. It's pretty decent. 13 is going to miss. 13 is going to miss. OK. Well, we got a good first first shot in. And that's going to be my turn. I wonder how he's going to use a legendary action. I just wasn't like a 12 foot tall guy. He's just but isn't he undead? He can be a gargantuan now. I mean, aren't you all undead technically? Like, you know, fair enough. Just pending. So you're going to so describe this hit.

How do you come in at him? Like, what are you doing? So I imagine like this is one of those charging forward acts almost dragging across the ground type deals like it ignites because it's a flaming battle ax. So it like it draws a line of fire as he's running towards it. And then he just basically uppercuts with it. Scores the hit and then like whirls around to swing again and drop gets it together enough to move out of the way, you know. Oh, shit. Yeah, that's OK. So that's a decent chunk of his health. And that that that first hit is going to be like just nasty, just like blam.

Like he hasn't been in a fight technically in years. But like that, you know, like there is something like a blood rush that comes to him like just barbarian to barbarian, basically like, you know, like, oh, there's that moment where they go, oh, oh, like two strong men. It just like just chest, chest, chest, like, you know, just what I did. Yeah. Yeah. There is like that second one's going to miss, but that first one drew a little blood. Right. And there's just that like he gets real quiet and there's that static kind of like just just coming up around that ax.

Thank you. And he's going to take this ax and just home run swing at Lark. And let's see if it hits anything. Ignore the fact that the token for a great ax is a sword. I hate that. I'll change it one day. Don't know why. Oh, shit, 15, that's probably going to that'll hit. I have an AC of 14. Oh. Thanks. Oh, my gosh. One, two, nine, cut in half. Thank God for rage. Yeah, God from rage. Thank God for those level ups. Oh, talk to you on it. You are up. Lark spits a tooth out. Holy crap. Well, first, I'm going to move over here. Are these circles indicating of anything?

I don't know who put them on the floor. OK, I was like, I don't know if I missed something or maybe there's some sort of area effect I'm unaware of, but I'm going to get away from that anyway. I'm just going to I'm just going to get dropped into that. And I don't know who did. They can put it down on their turn if they did it. That's fine. And Tatiana is going to shoot with her bow. Norma. Oh, that's a good roll. 24 will hit. Yay. And do you want me to roll my sneak damage first and then add it to my regular damage? That would be wonderful. OK, let me see if I can figure out how to do that.

So here's the sneak. Damn 19. And then roll damage. It'll say, hey, is there a modifier? And you just put in 19 situational bonus. Yep. 28 damage. Oh, gross. I must have got him somewhere real good. Yeah, no, he's definitely he's focused up on on Larg. It's like, yeah. And then this arrow just comes in, like catches him in a clavicle or something. Just yeah. No, that's yeah. You you got him pretty good. This is going to be one of those fights where it's going to be rocket tag, like big damage, big damage, big damage. And then I hope you die. Yeah. God, anything else?

You got another attack, don't you? I know. I believe that that's it. I don't know. OK. Oh, drugs turn. Oh, man. Oh, man. You know what? Let's just let's just start. Let's just start from the start. He's he's got a multi-attack because, of course. So let's swing it large with this great axe. 19 will hit. Sure will. And then damage 27 damage cut in half. I was hit double damage. Mm hmm. And one more hit against Larg. 15 will hit. 18 damage cut in half. And as he comes up with this, this this other stiff shot, he's going to reach to his back and grab a crossbow and just fire it at Tatiana.

Now. He I believe you get an attack of opportunity because I'm attacking someone who's not based with me, I think. I don't know the rules of D&D. Just take attack of opportunity. Hey, I think so, because he's because he's turning to range and shooting. Yeah, I believe so. OK, I'm not going to argue. 18 will hit. OK, we're just going to we're just going to smite again. So let me do that math real quick. 2D8. It's 12 plus. Normal. I didn't add it, so. I didn't see it. 21. I'm taking damage. Why am I taking 12 damage? Oh, shit. Sorry. Wake up. Shut up. What would you do for?

Yeah, backfire, backfire. Hold on, hold on, hold on here. Whoo. My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad. It hurts himself in this confusion. It's very effective. Got it. There we go. Dang, that bar is ticking down. So these two beef monsters are just fucking bumping meat up there. Oh, gross. What do you think? That I know. The the if I can, I don't know if you want me to roll something, but the the effect of that attack of opportunity is very much like, no, this is like, look at me, dummy, you know? Yeah, no, I get messages sent. Yeah. So as much as I can encourage that overall, like some kind of I don't have much charisma, but overall, something I'm talking about, I'm part paladin.

I have I've got charisma. You had some charisma. Good. I. Where is it? Oh, I accidentally deleted his crossbow. Was it? Oh, no, no, no, it's OK. We can just keep going. Just skip it. It's fine. Fair to you. Listen, I can take one for the team. And you will be right in the shoulder blade. His crossbow skills are not nearly as good as his skills. That makes you feel any better. 12. It does not hit. And Tatiana will look back at him with a cocky smile, knowing that she is like a better shot. As he's taking aim, larks like, oh, just just like, no, just over here. No, look at me right in the back.

Hey, I'm trying to aim like just. Yeah, just grab his arm and shake. Levins, what is that? Fairy fire. Oh, on myself, I probably haven't concentrated from like another fight. But I'll do it. Fair enough. Let's see. Since Vella mind is right next to Blevins, he will give her bardic inspiration. Remind me what that does, please. You just start a D6 on a roll you choose in the next 10 minutes. OK, thank you. Then Blevins is going to run past you and say, good luck. Don't get sweaty. Trust me. What does that mean? I mean that. Then I will get safely as I can behind Larg and give him a spell.

There's no targeting I need to do, if I remember correctly. No. OK, give him this spell. And I will target undead. Huh? Hmm. I don't. So, OK, you guys are the most technically undead, like not like zombie undead. Like you're not tagged undead. Right. Is he? So he wouldn't be either. Well, I think every single celestial, I don't know, faith, fiends and that. I wouldn't say so. No. Let's say yes. Let's say you're guessing. Yeah, I don't want you to waste a spell. Very gracious. I appreciate it. Instead. Larg at second level of eurism. I believe my hit point modifier on my spellcasting modifier would be I think it's four.

It's a DC 16 for your your your your spellcasting save and then your. Yeah. So. Yeah, plus four. Yep. So the start of each of my turns are are large turn, I think he will get four temporary HP. Sweet. Anything else? No, that's it for me. Vell, you are up. OK, mosey on up and try to use the reach ability with her new weapon to go to drop baby. So she's going to use that 18 will hit. Yes. OK, so I'm going to do sneak attack damage first, which is five. Oh, two plus oh, twenty nine damage. Yeah, thank God for reach. Oh, these are good swings, baby. OK. And I think that's going to be it for her.

Yeah, that's going to bring up Ellen. So at the end of every round, Ellen is either going to heal or imbue somebody with advantage for their their attacks on on next turn. And Larg is hurt, but not so hurt that like she feels she needs to step in. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to roll a d6 and say, Blevins is getting advantage on any any attacks he does next turn. He does a little tip of the wig. Uh, here we go. New round. Josephine is leading us off. Then Vella Tatiana Larg Blevins, then Drach. Oh, baby. OK, so I'm going to get just a little closer.

Not wait. Why can't I move? You got to have the the token control selected at the top on the left hand side. It's a person silhouette. Oh, I thought I had my bad. You're good. You know, just further. And I am going to borrow some of Drach's lightning. And I am going to use Call Lightning to attack him. Oh, so he needs to make a dexterity saving throw. Well, OK, let's see how that goes. 20. OK, so he's saving him, whatever. Fine. Cheers. It's totally fine. But I keep forgetting I have these cool abilities from my domain, which is the Tempest domain. And I can. Where is it?

I think it's my. I'm so sorry, I just had it. You're not a multi classed, are you? You've been a full cleric this whole time? Yeah. How's a cleric in hell? I'm sorry. That's that's atrocity. It must be a clerical error. I guess you're muted, Jamison, but I get the vibe. Where the hell? Oh, OK, so I'm going to use my channel to my channel divinity destructive wrath to what it does is instead of rolling for damage for lightning or thunder damage, it gets to do maximum damage. So but because he's succeeding, he gets half damage. Oh, so much. Yes. So it's really 10, so it'd be 30 damage halved to 15.

Yeah, but still, holy shit. That's pretty good. 15. So, OK. And then I think that's. Because that's a reaction. OK, yeah, I'm going to say this. Yeah, he's going to take this the zip zap here, this just just blam, like, and it's it's like he's going to dodge, but it's lightning, right? Like it's like some of that's going to graze him and his his axis, it's like almost like he's lighting it up like a fucking lightsaber. Like his axe is going to start to do the same. So you want to play with the other elements of elephants? Ha ha ha. I don't know why the elephants on the brain all of a sudden.

So we want to play with the elements. And he's he's readying this thing is like a like a charge. But nothing's going to happen yet. I take it all back. What did you do? What did you say, Zach? I was just curious if if that's that's that's drop talking or is that his his weapon speaking? Oh, that's an open for his weapon. But it's him that he was like using magic or something. Well, well, his weapon is magic or the ghost of his weapons. It's complicated. But yeah, Vellain, you're up. OK, I think she's going to try and do the same thing. This podcast is supported by Progressive, a leader in RV insurance.

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It's your first job. I know what I'm doing. It's a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go. What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal experience. The Instigators, rated R, streaming August 9th on Apple TV Plus. I was going to abbreviate featuring boobies. Your teen requested a ride, but this time not from you. It's through their Uber teen account. You drive your teenager around a lot to their friend Jacob's house. Their other friend Jake's house to James's to Jayden's to Jaylin's to a mom.

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Just that's that's what it was. Just just. I would also like to say that I put him down. He's no longer on my shoulders. I think I rushed into combat. That's that's fair. He just handed to Ellen here. Yeah, please watch this. He needs to go out three times a day. And if he if he trues, trembles, that's normal. Yeah, he's not cold. It's just him. Just a nervous system thing. Team almost hit. Will it 14 will hit? He has the same AC as Lark. Well, accidentally like, yeah, that's just a barbarian thing. He's not wearing much armor. Oh, acts identically. OK, so because Largus still within five feet and threatening him, we're going to do sneak attack.

So 20. So Devin. Plus. Nice. Nice, nice, nice. 32 damage. Oh, it's almost almost halfway, guys. What if something happens? I don't know. Probably not. I think we're OK. Yeah. Yeah. God, the wussy part of me. It's almost like I almost want to say that she takes a step back, but I'm like, she wouldn't because she doesn't know. She probably sees the electricity charging and just freezes in place. So I mean, you did 32 damage, so you didn't freeze up too much. Like, does that only have one attack at this level? I think so. I don't think that's right. So you're level nine.

Level nine rogue, right? Like, do you get extra attacks? I thought you did it like five. I don't think so, because I'm a rogue too and I don't get it. Yeah. At five, we get an uncanny dodge. Oh, yeah. How many of your sneak attack just gets so fucking big? Yeah, it does. Yeah, it keeps getting bigger and bigger. Yeah. OK, that's OK. It's probably just my third edition brain being like everybody gets bonus attacks. Rogues do not ever get multiple attack rolls with their action, regardless of level. They get sneak attack dice that when you're just talking out, D6 is worth it.

Enough to kill a small dog like it's fine. They usually do. I have never knew that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get a bunch of like evade and dodge as we level up. But one level fighter would do you real good. Can you imagine how gross that would be? Just like more sneak attack and more sneak attack. I'm sure there's many min max forum out there debating over what the person, you know, I can't believe she's never done that. I our listeners are usually pretty good about that. But we usually don't get to like level nine, 10, 11. So like, yeah, you're all right. You are up.

Tatiana is also going to do the same thing and aim with her bow. Do you do to do? Oh, oh, well, 25 will definitely hit. That'll hit twice. Shit. Yeah. All right. We'll do the sneak. 16 situational bonus 16 blue. Whoa, what one to say to three? We you guys. Oh, that was it, wasn't it? As a result of being bloodied. I think that if we're we're doing some lightning, he's going to use chain lightning. Oh, yeah. So he's you create a bolt of lightning that arcs towards a target of your choice. And we're going to go with large three bolts, then leap from the target to as many as three other targets.

Oh, so let's just go with the three closest. So Vellum, Levens and Tatiana. Can I make a challenge on that? Just what does he have to roll to hit? Am I dodging or what? It's dexterity saves. OK, if I hit the dexterity save, I want to make a wager with you. Oh, I do love a wager. James never, never. Oh, you don't. You don't. So time it feels. Yeah, this means something. OK, let's let's let's do it. OK. We're looking for 14. 14. What's the thing that Josephine gave me? There's a D4 towards the C. A D4. Oh, yes. Or unless you eat shit here. Oh, OK. Well, that's OK. That's a one, though.

That's a plus one. One more than you. That one could make the difference. Never know. Was the advantage I was given. A not natural 20. So, OK, hold on a second. One one. OK, so what's your wager? What do you want? So what I want to do when Mark dodges this attack is I want his ignited flaming axe. I want him to come up and cut the lightning bolt in the half just just completely just fizzling it out. So not only would it. OK, good. No. Yeah, I basically like I don't know if it's too much to just get rid of it completely, just reduce the effectiveness of the of it against other people.

Like I want him to basically bat this thing out of the air with his axe. Oh, this is the weirdest game of rock, paper, scissors. This fire. The. So, OK, I mean, I mean, we're in hell fighting, fighting legendary here. I want to cut a lightning bolt in half with the battle axe. No, no, no, no, no. I'm I'm I'm with you. Here's what we do then. Here's what we do. So I agree that because of this dodge and you're you're you're in melee, then like this, this this spell is not going to go off according to plan. There has to be something in the wager that would be a possible negative.

So here's what I would like to do. I want to roll a D20 as drunk and you roll a D20 as large. And if you roll higher than me, then that is just going to be batted away and he's going to miss the two extra targets. But you will take half damage. OK, if he rolls higher than you, you're going to take half damage and this is going to hit two targets, but at full damage. OK. All right. I'm going to let me know if I can't do this. I'm going to use my inspiration, give myself advantage on this role. I'll allow that. OK. My one inspiration. So do you want to go first or me?

You know what? Go. Yeah, you go first. I'll go first. That is a crit. I just 17. Not enough. That's funny. So he's he's going to cast this and you are essentially cleaving as this lightning strike comes down. You are going to cleave this. So it is going to you're going to absorb that half damage. And the other two are going to go wild. The arc is just all fucked up. And he's like he's pissed. But there's kind of this. It's like, all right, I see you like that's, you know, like there's there's a bit of like it's like, oh, that's you know what I mean? Like, you know, it's pretty mental.

All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to brush that on something. All right. Shit. Like, OK, so we do have to we do have to do damage. So it's 14, not 12. Why does it say anyway? So half of this, half of 50 for the half of the half. Fuck. This is math. 27 divided by two. So what, 13 damage, 13 damage. So basically, in the process of swatting this thing with his axe, he like essentially absorbs it like I wanted, like basically like the wreath and lightning thing that he had going has that first split second. Yeah. And there's a bit of like, ow, but yeah, it's totally worth it.

Like, you know, doing it for the likes. Yeah. When you shot yourself in an outlet. Yeah. Oh, oh, but that would have been 54 damage to a Tatiana or a Blevins. And they don't get to have that damage. So that would have been terrible. I definitely appreciate that. That would have taken Tatiana. Anything else on your turn? Uh, nope. That is going to be it. That is all. Larg, you're up. All right. So we've been lightning Thor style, lightning eyes, all that type of shit. We're going to sidestep if I can. I want to step over here. I believe that gives me advantage because of where Bella is.

It doesn't. You get a plus two like, well, she has redness that it's not. It has to be there has to be a line drawn through. Do I have the ability to step to this spot? It's within my range, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can absolutely step there. So I'll say yes. Go ahead. I'll say yes. So as he's stepping, we'll flavor it as as he's stepping. He's basically going to like drive the ax through this way. Sure. That'll be our first attack. OK, it's real anime. Well, we went metal first and now we've used that up. We have to go anime. Oh, man. But the bump up are good.

So there's the role. Oh, 23 will hit. Twenty three will hit. We're going to smite is my last smite. I'm out after this eight. Damage. Don't forget the situational bonus thing. Just slap it in there. Yeah, an option. Oh, there it is. Never mind. I'm so. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Minimal damage, twelve. That's all right. We're just repositioning. It's fine. That was just a tactical strike. We're going to swing again. We are fine. Eighteen anal hits. OK, I'm out of smites, so we're just rolling damage. Nine, another twelve. It's twenty four total. And that's my turn.

Who blevins? Who? So I have the good graces of advantage. So I will kind of. I will back up a little bit. And I will. I think I will use my last bardic inspiration on Tatiana. Bonus action. See. Then I am going to level two Eldris blasts at Draak. All right, let's do it. OK. See. Twenty seven will hit. Do the damage for that one. And one more. Oh, seven damage. Oh, double 17, that's a twenty five and that'll hit. Damage on that one. Six damage. All right, fair enough. That is my turn. Oh, shit. OK, Draak's turn. As you're as you're kind of surrounding him, like he's he's got his axe ready to go, he's taken hits from like, you know, there's arrows coming in, there's, you know, like that.

Like he's he's taking it and trying to stay on guard. But, you know, there's a bunch of you, right? And the entire time, like he just he just looks invigorated, like he's obviously like he's bleeding and like he's he's getting the shit kicked out of him to equally as much as large. But like it's a little bit more. He doesn't seem to be six on one. But like, you know, and I'm not having his damage like it's, you know, that's what I'm talking about. I don't see barbarian enraged yet. I mean, like it's different. It's just, you know, but he is like he kind of takes a second before like he gets ready to wind up.

He's a grower. I wanted to thank you. I want to believe in me coming here to feel more alive than I have in years. And no matter what happens today, I want you all to know that you've heard warriors death. And it's not a punishment that I'm keeping you from returning. This is a war. So I can see that. And he's he's going to wind up here and just start to whirl around and just. And he is going to attack twice in a circle and swing at both Larg and Vella. I'm crazy. I haven't touched yet. I just watched Ellen's turn next. You'll be OK. You'll be OK. We'll probably use my uncanny dodge.

So large first ring a hug. Oh, that's terrible. 13 missed. Oh, just getting started. You just started to wind up. It's fine. He'll get me on the next one. He's got to get momentum. This one's for fellow. 12 is going to miss. So he's coming back around this. That first one's a little awkward. Then the acts like you kind of get wrong and go. Yeah, yeah. So this one large. Oh, 14. Oh my God. That's not much better, but that will hit. Larg felt bad and stepped into this one. One T one damage cut in half and Vella. Oh, fuck me. Oh, you're going to fuck this to at least have the damage against me.

Yeah, I would. Let's let's see if this is going to be on the table. Oh, God. Yeah, he really did get that momentum going towards the end. Holy shit. We're rolling on the table. And 13 lucky number 13. Lucky as hell. The stress of battle has gotten to your target if humanoid. Who they suffer a massive heart attack and dropped to zero hit points on the spot. Does Minota count as humanoid? I mean, you're like human shit. I don't know why I did sexy like, you know, because of her boobies word, it's OK. It's yeah, it's that's I mean, how can you tell with all the hair?

She's got others, OK? You're asking you're you're really asking for fan art. You're you're doing it. And there's a strong I know several artists who listen to the show that are dying. They are thirsty bitches and weird and they will draw all kinds of stuff. And Lisa will love it. So do it. Do it. Great. Draw it all. The D&D podcast at Gmail dot com. That's D&D are. And I will forward it to Jameson. Most of it. Agme, I want to see what you mean the eyes when you post that shit. OK, let's do damage. Oh, my God. So, oh, wait, there's no reason to do damage like you're.

Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Zero hit points. You're not dead, though. That definitely gets Ellen something to do. Oh, shit. OK. I'm coming. I'm coming for you. Oh, man. So. Ellen is going to rush over like just full bore sprint and kind of carrying splat because can't can't leave this thing alone. And she's going to kind of like slide in and kind of like try to stabilize you. And she's she's going to heal you for 2d8. But it's like you can't die. I don't know how to take care of this thing. And he's always wet and shaking. And she's she's going to heal you for two years.

And leave. 12 points, baby. Oh, my God. Splats description is just slowly turning into Pippin. It is Pippin. It's always been Pippin. I love Pippin. Who doesn't love Pippin? Oh, my God. Well, I can't wait till our first game because you get to see him in person and he's every time we get to love you. I have a sincere request. Don't just like put that on me. Just to dip your toes into it. I just don't. It's my only request. First words as he walks in the door. Don't just because I know that the bring with Maddy with the dog and I'm going to have a fight or flight.

Promises I won't. I don't I can't control her like that. Yeah. Bree is probably going to be on a mission to get you to love that dog. Here's the thing. I am I am open to that. But right now, we're starting at a severe bias. Let's have a drink first, you know, let's let's relax. Let's talk like beer goggles on. Just let me look at the dog. Let me look directly at the dog and make eye contact with one. And he will, too. He'll go. Yeah, one. I'll be. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Help, Bree, edits this feels bad. She won't and wouldn't. So it's. I think. Here we go. Next round is Josephine.

Drop to end. Ellen is going to be last. Josephine, Drack, Bella, Blevins, Tatiana and Larg. Joe, you are. How badly injured is badly injured in terms of like. I. Well, I'll put it this way. Both him and Drach are labeled badly injured. If I were a boss, I would have triggered my bloodied action. OK, so you're saying is you're you're probably good for another round, right? Yeah, let's roll those dice. Let's do it. Yeah, I can't go down in front of this guy. OK, this is this is a lot on the line. They got a plan. So I'm going to. So I said I'm a call lightning going.

So I would like to call someone that. OK, call some lightning. And he needs to make a dexterity save. And so, OK, this worked out well for him last time. Let's see if we can get that going again. Oh, dang, dang. I'm still going to do my channel divinity thing. That's my last one. And he's going to take 15 damage from that. OK. Secondly. I would like to ask if this will work. Hold on. It won't. Damn it. Is there a 15 in the chat I can use? I don't feel like doing math. It's stupid. Oh, I'm sorry. No, it's fine. Go ahead. I'm just being a douche. But I need him to make.

He's probably going to. Should I even bother? We didn't make a Constitution saving throw. So I just Josephine on the side, be like, should I even bother? I don't know. I think this whole thing looks a little beefy, I don't know. This is just run around and like, Miss, Miss, kind of hit. But I like just last one shot. It was a big, sloppy boss raid swing, but he eventually got one. Hold on a second. Let me 15. So this is. I think I'm doing this. Yes, I did it. OK, I'm celebrating way too hard for subtracting 15. Good job. Yay. What what are you doing? What happened?

What's going on? Constitution saving a Constitution saving throw. Never mind for. I'm sorry about it. Didn't matter anyways. Oh, I'm going to try to make him. It's fine. That's you know what, though? I like where your head's at. Thank you. That's all I can do. All right. Drach is up. Let's let's oh, let's get let's get nasty. Let's. Let's let's multi-attack and then let's do let's do a legendary action. Let's get just get saucy. Let's just do it. Let's let's let's go. We're in the end game. Two great axes to lard. Oh, there's a crit. Oh, yeah, we're rolling on that big bad table.

Oh, well, it's not 13, it's 12. Eviscerate. You do two standard critical hits to the target. But it's halved. But it's a lot. So let's. There's so much of Jamison that wants to go, I told you so. There is so much. That's right. But I don't have an abundance of hit points at this moment. I mean, even if you are at full health, this is this right here. It's going to suck no matter what. Yeah, but how many temporary hit points do you have? We've had two rounds. That's eight at least three. Yes. So we haven't been keeping track of that. So what's that? It's at least eight.

That's at least eight. Yeah. First critical swing is 30. She's got in half. That's 15. OK, so let's do minus half damage. And then one more. Fifty six. No God. Twenty eight. Healers better start healing. Next attack, he's got one more baby. Yeah, I got a big spell for you coming up. Oh, come on. You gotta be fucking with me. That's not real. Oh, no, it's good. This is good. We're rolling on that crit table. My God. Two. Simply stunning. In addition to standard critical hit damage, your target is stunned until the end of its next turn. I think there's a barbarian thing to shirk some of that off or something, but even you do actually.

Well, I'm going to fall. I have 12 hit points. I don't know that I'm going to be standing at the end of this. Who 47 damage. That is going to knock Larg unconscious, and I'm going to spend a legendary action and he's going to turn around and there's like a like there's you know, there's like just mad respect for your barbarian, but I'm going to fuck you up now. And let's use a legendary action and let's cast a spell, baby. I'll never try to do anything cool ever again. Here is coming. It was just two crits in a row. I mean, come on. I don't think it would have mattered anyway.

Honestly, there's an alternate universe where you blinded him before that. And those two never happened because I know I know that's dice, man. Yeah. Higher spell DCs. I mean, to be fair, if you if you'd rolled two twenties, I think it would have worked anyway. But yeah. I mean, I'm pretty sure I can do this exact thing to the dragon. I rolled two twenties in a row, so, you know, it comes around. OK, new plan. Let's just take Drach with us through the portal. I mean, he must be itching to get out of here, right? I don't think he's looking for companions. I mean, we can go our separate ways.

After we go through like this is one of those. This is one of those fights where it like he he probably he'd probably go to the tavern with you after this. And like, you know, like that was so fun, guys. Thanks for the challenge. That was real good. You hit me here, broke everything like, you know, Tim and Larg would be in a bromance for sure. Remember when I air juggled you in the corner and wouldn't let you get out? That was crazy. Oh, let's kiss Sandra fan art to D and your podcast at Gmail dot com. Definitely tag me in that one. I want to see furries and fan art, furries and and just like the gayest fan art.

That's what I want aggressively. So like what would the what's the ship name for Drach and Larg? They'd be like Drarg Drarg. No, how about Lark? Oh, lock them up, guys. You know what you got to do? Yeah. Locked in. Hashtag, lock them up. Oh, yeah, I was going to cast a spell. Holy shit. OK. You know what? He's so he's. He's he's going to whip around and he's going to look at Josephine. Oh, God. You lose the elements. Let's see how you enjoy being on the receiving end. And he's going to cast lightning bolt, baby. I go to school at lightning bolt at seventh level. Oh, it's funny.

I'm going to get his wizarding degree degree. Seven level. I'm dead. I mean, just give me a dexterity. See, well, that's not crazy. It's dexterity, you said. Is it 12? Because you mentioned it was 14, Jason. 12 is fine. Oh, 17. It doesn't matter. That's with a plus zero. So holy shit. OK, that's good. Sure. And some lightning bolts. A creature takes, oh, 86 lightning damage on a failed save and half as much. But every. Every level above fourth, there's one D6, so it's 11 D6 and you take half of that. Fuck. It's fine. It's fine, guys. I'll be fine. I believe. Oh, 47. OK, yeah, that could have been way worse. 23 damage.

I'm still on the green guys. Fine. Oh, I'm very happy for you are. I just like we saw that was a fucking turn. My God. Oh, I told you I was going to hit you. Because Josie wears her hair in a bud and it's all just like, no, it's all. I want a flashback to just there. Let's roll the dice on that. Like I just want to make it one more round, right? Yeah. Yes. Big strong boy, right? Everybody's defense. Nobody saw a double. Oh, yeah. But when it happened, there's a big it's like, oh, shit. Man, you tempted fate and she was like, fuck off, bro. It's not even busy. No, no, no, no.

It's close, close, close, close. Well, you are up, baby. OK, she's going to kind of like, like, stand up, like, clap to your chest and like give Ellen like a thank you, you know, because I'm assuming she's still right there. Yeah. And seeing Larg down, she's going to try one more time with that whip. And since I believe I have inspiration from the trivia, you do. So I'm going to use that to give myself advantage on this attack. Twenty three will definitely hit. OK, so sneak attack because I get sick attack any time I have advantage. Minus sight. At 21, 21. 31 damage.

OK. And not only I think she's going to like try and after she does that, kind of like back up and push Ellen and splat with her. She's like, all right, we're going to take a step back or two. It's like, yeah, we're going to back up to the air for right now. They go. Blevins, you are up. So a lot has happened in this fight. This is like for context. 18 seconds have passed. Like, think about that. That is like between Larg running and drunk, and it's just like just 18 seconds would feel like an eternity if people are whipping lightning bolts out and shit.

But 18 seconds is nothing like in the grand scheme of things, like a lot has happened. That is fair. Like most Waffle House fights are only like 18 seconds, so like I don't know what this feels like, right? Just a big Waffle House fight. It honestly is like just one guy being like, bring it on. Smash a syrup bottle over someone's head. Now I want Waffle House healing magic on Larg. Does that start from like negative or zero? It starts from zero and would probably be appreciated. Get me up. My turn's coming. Blevins just under his breath, he just says drat and he just runs around.

Oh, no. He's going to run give it like a good birth right behind Larg. I get an attack of opportunity because he has reach. Yeah, even I can't go. I can't there's no way I can go around him. Not like it's 10 feet, so it's just one attack. We talked to a strip and just a little touch, just one one touch. So I couldn't even like hug the wall. You can just swipe me from wherever. So you have. Let's see, five, 10, 15, 20, 25. I know. Don't you wouldn't he get it anyway if you tried to leave engagement? Yeah, like this. There's no way for me. So like, OK, to give you a look, let's do this and I'll show you.

I feel like this guy's behaving like a giant. Well, that's a 10 foot radius. That's not it. Because it'd be 20 reaches, right? Well, like you put in every direction, you should be centered. Oh, yeah, it would be all those squares, though. Right. It's 10 feet in any direction. You know what I'm saying? I guess I mean, I do leave that that circle. I guess so, like a square is what I wanted, I think. It doesn't matter. The point being, you could go you could fan out, but you wouldn't have enough to get to large is the thing. But it's just one attack. OK, what are the odds of him?

Crit again, it's just it's just you know, I don't even say it. Why would you even say that? It was close. It was so close. Twenty four. Oh. She's twenty three damage. She's my technically out of his range now. Am I still in it? Well, yeah, you're still in. Because it's 10 feet. Yeah. Oh, 14 hit points. That is one conscious large. Welcome back. Anything else? I think that's all. Do I have a bonus action? I think you'd be using that to undress. That's what I was planning to do. OK, I forgot about this action, then however much. Why is all. Our left is going by now. Tatiana, you are.

OK. All right. Let's do the thing that we do and shoot this guy. That is a great place to tell me. That's a good guy. Crit. It's a good guy. Crit. Let's see if we're rolling on that table. Give me a D6. OK. Oh, we roll on that tape. Oh, how fun. This is fun when it's the other side, right? I hope he has a heart attack. Me too. It goes down to zero. It's like not eat his weenies and just pay for it. Pre-trained, you just ate my booties. Save it for the fan art. Oh, no, is that a thing? Is that a technique? I don't know. Hashtag, lock them up. You need these one. 10. Opportunity in addition to standard critical hit damage to your target, you may take an extra standard action this turn.

That's kind of cool. OK, well, I'll finish this one. Yeah, I'll finish this one and do my sneak. Woo. 19. 30 damage. Oh, he's getting down there. He's getting down there. Yeah. All right, let's do it again. It won't probably be as cool, but and I still have my inspiration and the D6 to add, but I can only do that after the roll, right? But before it's like you can you are the inspiration. Oh, yeah. I mean, if you want to use your inspiration now, you just roll with advantage. Oh, I was talking about the one that. Oh, yeah. Love and gave me that when I have to wait before, like the result is given, right?

Yeah, you just see if you miss. You don't want to waste it if you. Well, then we'll do that first. 16 will hit, though. Oh, yay. OK, so we'll just do the same thing. Woo. Oh, there we go. 22 damage. Maybe. And I want to yell, just let us pass. Because like, you know, why do you give a fuck? He's having a good time. All right. I know you are, but we're more the classic barbarian. Yeah. Or touching you. Honestly. What are barbarians, if not big, angry babies? This just hit things real fucking hard. It's got that little brother energy just vibing. Yeah. I'm going to grab some tea really quick, but I'll be right back.

Just I just wanted to say pooping. It will burn. Baby. Larg gets up and doesn't have advantage because Bella ran away. Sorry. That's OK. It's OK, because I was dead at the time. You didn't know. Oh, who needs 18 will hit. All right. I've been forgetting to do this, but we're going to do the D6 from my Path of the Zealot ability. This is plus three. That's nine damage. And then we're going to roll the damage. Because we learn. Oh, 16 damage. So a couple of arrows are going to hit him in the back and you're you you spring up and just just just chopping it down like a tree.

Yeah, because we got one more swing. So let's do it. Yeah. Yes. Oh, it was almost a quick 14 will just hit, baby. Hey, I like it. We don't get the extra sticks for this. We'll just roll the damage. Oh, that's a 15 maximum damage. And you get for 10 points to finger to the throat means death. Anything else? No, I feel like he just spits out a whole big mouthful of blood and his back on his feet, and he's just kind of like. No, there's got to be an arrow that went straight through and that that barb is sticking out of his chest like he's like he's getting fucked up.

But it's getting to the point now where it like that that breathing's real labored like that acts as heavy now. It's like, oh, but like he's yeah. That's going to bring up Ellen. Ellen is going to. And. I got to roll to see something 18. Ellen is going to heal Vela. Don't get in the way. Please don't get me someone. Only because Drago looks so bad, like I think she would step because there's a big part of it that wants to run out to Larg and heal. But. Yeah, like I thought him, Alan, I got it. On. Never, never. Let's give Ellen nine more health. Thank you. Son of a bitch.

Oh, no. No one time. Oh, no. Vela, you are up. OK, she's going to step forward and try one last whip attack. Yes, get it. Finish. 22 will hit. All right, sneak attack because Larg is. There. Plus four. So. This barbed whip is going to wrap clean around his throat as he's like fully focused on Larg. It's like, OK, I get to like, good job getting up because I'm going to put you back down with that type of thing. It is going to clasp around his big, thick, beefy neck. And those barbs are going to dig in as you like, pull back and tighten. And he's going to drop to one knee.

And that that ax is going to disappear from his hand. And like, even though it's hurting him, he's going to like pull his head up to look at Larg. Thank you. Now finish it. And like blood is just like oozing, like trickling down all all like like completely encircling him. Do you want to give that one more clean and jerk there, Lisa? Oh, yes, I'm sorry. You want to. I do. But then I also want to say, get it, Larg. You know, I mean, like do it. Get it. Hold on. You know. Yeah, I mean, if Vela is going to hold him there, then he will he will take a couple of steps up.

And he's like he's like panting. He's a lot of breath. It's like, you know, blood coming out of everywhere, you know, both of them. And he just kind of just like spits a mouthful of blood to the side. He says, it was fun. I'm going to do it again sometime. And he'll head off. And the whip is just going to like go slack after that. And like, hey, it's going to roll on the ground. And then after a couple of seconds, the body's just going to shift and flam like just like a sack of bricks hits the ground. And I think that's a good time for us to stop for the evening.

Congratulations, guys. Whoo. Fuck, that was fun. Good job. That's. Cool. Thank you. Thank you. You.