Friction

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

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And if you'd like to join our discord, we're going to be adding a ton of new stuff there. There's always lots of conversation and it's pretty much the central hub for everything that's going on. Today's episode is a big one. I really hope you all enjoy it. Let us know what you think. Please comment and share and tell all your friends all that good stuff. And without further ado, let's get on with today's episode. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm the dungeon master going around the table. Starting with Karen. I had a feeling.

Oh my god. Hi, I'm Karen and I play Joe the human cleric. Karen was making some obscene gestures before the show started. And I'm glad we don't put video out there. Like I said, it's... I'm really good at harassing. It was distasteful, honestly. [Laughter] I haven't learned my lesson either. We'll be sending a company-wide email. [Laughter] And Jamie. Did you say me? Oh shoot. Hi! I didn't hear you. Why is no one here for this? There's only five of you. We're not going to get to you eventually, right? I don't think I've ever been first, to be fair. You've said that every time I made you first. [Laughter] I want a smash cut to a montage of you two.

I don't think I've ever been first. [Laughter] Well, I'm Jamie. I play Tatiana the human rogue. Okay. I don't want to spring this on you, Zach. But I'm going to have to call your name. So, Zach. [Laughter] Oh, me? What's up? My name is Zach and I play Blevin Elmar Rutherford the human bard. And Lisa. Huh? Oh, hey. I'm Lisa. And I play Bella the minotaur rogue. I love this bit. [Laughter] I know I poke fun at you all the time, but I've never heard an accent in the word "huh." [Laughter] Like it's... I tasted hickory in that outro. Old Wood style. What? Huh? Huh? [Laughter] All the wrath was not too far from my natural voice. [Laughter] And be thankful you're not Australian.

I constantly poke fun at Kate. Kate's out there. She knows. And last and certainly not least, Jameson. Hi, I'm Jameson. I now work for Wizards of the Coast. I will be auditing this game. Oh, shit. You're on your P's and Q's. Secret agent the whole time. Oh, God. No home brewing. That's right. You can home brew. It's just mine. No! You just have to put it on the site so that they own it. That's ours. The fucking Galactus of tabletop. [Laughter] Hey, Jason. We see what you did with ghouls. We'll be taking that. Yeah. Like crabs on a whale fall. [Laughter] Well... We're going to dive right into combat.

OK, so I don't want to startle anybody, but there are a large horde of ghouls running toward you. Now, to recap, just to kind of set a scene. As you guys were sort of flung into this place from that portal, you're going to hear a bunch of you heard a bunch of pounding, like something like pounding on metal, something like that. And then these ghouls come flying around the corner when they hear you. Actually, hold on. Let me back this ghoul up. There we go. Cards on the table. We tried to record and then our Internet crapped out. But we have a new Internet provider.

We got a new Internet daddy in town. Yeah. He gives us that good fiber. He's treating us good. Thank you, T-Mobile. Um. [Laughter] Do you like that? Do you want us to do ads for you, T-Mobile, in that voice? And we're going to reset this combat because we got to turn one. I did something and then everything froze. So I need everybody to please add themselves to the combat tracker. So you guys are in. It's not a narrow hallway, but it's definitely not an open room. It's probably like 40 feet wide. And the end of the hallway where you guys are, it's just a horde of ghouls coming out.

The space you're against is pretty much a wall, but there is a staircase to your right. It's it's a little bit forward, though, and that's where the ghouls are coming from. So it is possible to get to that staircase and then get up. But yeah, it's it's going to take some doing. There's also some jail cells and stuff on the left. There's some like really old. Like these are dungeon cages like that old proper like Princess Bride like cell type of thing, you know? They just don't make them like that anymore. So in theory, we could lock ourselves in the cells and just attack from range.

In theory. I'm just, you know, spitballing. I don't want to tell you what to do, but I feel as though. There is one key thing that you're forgetting about, and that's how do you get out? Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Just that sounds like a future us problem, though, so we don't deal with that right now. Well, I'll tell you what you do have to deal with, and that is rolling initiative. Whoo. Damn it. Damn it. And ghouls, though, again. Thirteen Josephine, 13. Well, I said Velma, Vela with a seven lemons with a five. Holy shit, guys. And then ghoul. Ghoul. Ghoul, ghoul, ghoul, ghoul.

Oh, no. Ghoul. Ghoul. When you say it really fast like that, it sounds like you're saying, girl. I know. Girl, girl, girl. I don't like this. I don't know. We had a we if the good news is we had like a law, someone rolled a one. The bad news is there was a lot of high teens. And that means it's time to start combat with a ghoul. I got to throw Ian in there, obviously. Oh, yeah. Just could be could be helpful. My boyfriend? Yes. I can't wait to talk about their relationship, by the way. Yeah. Look, what you guys are into is what you guys are into. I'll call the Lord.

I don't care. Send your fan fiction to D&D or podcast at noblack.com. I mean, if you love a man when he's at his blob, and I think that's true love, you know. When he's at his splattiest. When he said it's moistest, that's why I know. What? What? What? The other ones were fine. Mine was weird. That ghoul is going to double move and not reach anybody, which is probably good. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Oh, this ghoul is going to run right up to Tatiana. But that will be that that will be sorry. I got spooked. Eleven, eight, nine, eight, eleven, twelve.

They're all running forward. But yeah. So Ian. OK, so let's talk about Ian. Ian's got Ian's got no weapon or armor and one hand. Is he out there in his beer Johnson? So I I've went back and forth on this, right? And I feel like a dice roll is necessary because I don't I don't want to cop out and do the incredible whole thing where he always has like tattered shorts on and shit. But like, I also didn't want to go for the gratuitous nudity just because. Right. Because, you know, why if he was ever wearing clothes and he was splat, those clothes have to be slimed up at the very least.

Yeah. And then like they're going to cut circulation off this stuff. Yeah. Yeah. He's got like little 80s shorts on. No, only me. See what you saw. No, no, no. No. I don't know what you're saying. I'm not sure. Like the 80s gym shorts thing. And like the 80 Dukes, a nine foot tall gym socks with the three rings on them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're talking about. I already love him. You don't have to make a deal. Stop sexing him up. This is how we find out Ian's a never nude. You know what? I'm going to defer to Lisa. Lisa, should Ian be nude? Like role play wise, do you think that would make the most sense?

As much as I want to say yes. Mm hmm. I'm thinking just like a tattered tunic or something, you know, like it doesn't cover much because now he's like three feet taller. Is he Donald Duck-ing it? Right. Yes, he's Donald Duck-ing it. That's that's worse than nude. You were going to put me in a double XL and then no fucking underwear. Like just like, OK, well. It's tattered than two. Like it covers the important bit. On a scale of one to ten, how much is this covering? Five. Oh, shit. OK, so heads up. Like it's just like it's it's it's it is less than ideal, I think.

So like, yeah, he's got like that tabard or something, but everything else is so shredded that like, you know. Hey, you know what they say? How much can it cover? Is he a shower or a grower? Some bees can't be a throw for that at some point. I don't know. Fair enough. No, I didn't put that stat in the book. I don't know. We didn't have time. So. He's obviously there's a I want to give him a round just because. OK, not only is he not splat anymore, there's got to be at least six seconds where he's like, shit, like, OK, where am I? What's happening? Maybe who am I?

Whatever. Right. I mean, he was a blob for a long time. He has to get his bearings. Yeah, like it takes time, right? So I think. I think he's not going to have an action this this turn like this round, and he'll he'll be in the fight next round. He'll help. So we'll we'll see. Tatiana, you are up. You've got a ghoul in your face. I do got a ghoul in my face. I would like to step back from said ghoul. And then try to. So he does he does get an opportunity attack. But I have cunning actions so I can disengage, right? Oh, OK. Yeah, never mind. Fuck me, because I don't want him to do that.

I don't want him to bite me. That's it. I think that's fair. I zoomed in on their little pictures and I was like, oh, they're like biting into flesh. That's what's in their mouth. OK. Yeah, they're like a mustache. Hang on. It's like, no, it's like a full on arm. It's zoom in. It's not a mustache. I like it almost looks like they're not disguised. What's the big bad guy like from Sonic? Like when you zoom out, like the little thumbnail, that's what it looked like at first was just that robot. I don't know his name. Big red mustache robot. Nick, the man went to fucking medical school.

I'm sorry. Sure. You earned it. You must have a lot of egg man. No, fuck you. That is not his name. Eggman. I shot him in the face with a crit. Ooh, nice. Oh, amazing. Well, that's fucking amazing. Let me be safe. Let's say we're on the table. That's all I want. OK, so we're not going to want to. That's OK. That's OK. Let's do some of that. That fantastic crit damage. Yeah. Damage critical heat. 10 damage. Yeah. And I don't unfortunately get to use my sneak attack because they are not engaged with anybody else. So. Oh, they'll get engaged pretty soon. It's got to be the right time.

Cool. One, two, three, four, a lot of these guys are just going to be using double move to get to you. Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Yeah. He's going to streak all the way up here and that'll end its turn. Oh, it's just a space away from Blevins coming up on Josephine. By the way, Joe, it is your turn. It is my turn. OK, I'm going to do the same thing we did last time, but nobody knows about it because it didn't actually happen. I am going to move up. Yeah, you got to be careful. I know, right? I'm going to move up one next to Blevins and she is going to hold up her shield and like from I mean, it's coming from her, but it kind of going to look like it's coming from her shield, just like this light of radiance is going to erupt from her.

And so the ghouls that are within 15 feet need to make a Constitution, say we throw. OK, so just this guy. This one down here now. Oh, so wait, is it a cone? It is. Yeah. Each creature with each creature of your choice that you can see within range. Oh, OK. Yeah, these two guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Constitution save. Yes, please. What am I shooting for? Oh, it's a DC 15. Oof. Yeah, probably not. But we'll see. Here we go. Oh, how's the 15? That's stupid. But wait, there's still one more. It's OK. It's OK. The odds of that happening twice are pretty low. Oh my God. Fucking whore.

Well, nothing happens. So are you happy now? It looked really cool. I could see it. Really, really cool. Thanks. Um, nothing. If nothing else, I think it illuminated this hallway. Like, yeah, you have to get a good look at all the ghouls running toward them. Great. Love it. I can actually still do one thing because that was just a cantrip. I'm going to do a shield of faith for Levin. So you get a plus two to your AC. Thank you. We just yeah, he has plus two. We know. Yeah. OK. Yeah. OK. Zach, you got plus two. Yeah, you got plus two. Anything else? All right. That brings up ghoul.

By the way, there are eight, nine ghouls, nine ghouls in total. Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, we're going to we're going to get all cozy right here. Lamb just smoosh just right up in there. And that brings up this ghoul way back here. Blue Valley, you are up. There's cool in your face. Yeah. So I think I'm going to try and hit it with my booby sword. So nice. That's what I have it in. My thing is that's that's that's fine. I love that it pops up that was booby sword. Oh, there we go. Attack. Oh, shit. Twenty seven will do it. OK. OK. A sneak attack.

It's five D six. OK. So we'll do at 13 plus 13. Look at that. You're professional. You know, 2021 damage to ghoul. I think I will also use my rogue ability to disengage and step back. Five feet. Yeah, probably not the worst idea. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. That's my turn. All right. Another goal. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. We're going to go right up here and that'll be that ghouls turn. Another ghouls going to do the same thing from on up. So you got a herd of ghouls pretty much right in front of you. Feels like walking dead.

I could see the mustache if I pull out enough. I see where you're going. You could get that from. I feel dumb. I'm like, why would I just assume it's not dumb? It's just like I see what I want to see, which is apparently a glorious red mustache. Oh, man. OK. You've got a ghoul up in your face there, Joe and Blevins. It is your turn. All right. Blevins is going to just try to hit every single goal that is right in front of us in this kind of this this this wall with fairy fire. I need 20 foot cube. He cast that. I don't know if I it's aoe, so I don't know if I have to put.

Oh, I do. Awesome. Yeah, there should be only hit. There. Thank you guys. Gorgeous. Yeah, that's almost all. And then he's Blevins is going to just blow a kiss to the sky and pray. They do have to roll a save. All of them. Everyone gets hit, I believe has to roll a deck save. Oh, man. Can I? 16 decks saving throw. And that didn't work like I wanted it to. 18 is the first one. These guys aren't given an inch, they're assholes. In another 10, that's that's not going to do it at all. Better. So that guy failed. Jack, save 14 is not going to do it. 14 is not going to do it.

Oh, anyone will. Last one. Come on. No whammy. 14. So one, two, three, four of them did not save. So what happens? They are outlined with very fire and every attack gets advantage. Oh, until I first for one minute until or its concentration, so it's possible to be broken. OK, I have marked each one of those. And boop. Anything else, sir? Um, I think I am. No, I'm out of Bardic Inspiration, so that'd be in my turn. All right. That will bring us to the end of round one. That means it's time to reroll. Oh, my goodness. Oh, that's a lot of rules. That's a lot of me. Man, that's a lot of goals.

Keeps telling me I'm next, but I'm not next. Well, this is the round where they actually get to attack. So let's start with the goal right in front of Joe. Let's do some claws. Oh, that's dank. OK, now let's go to. One, two, three, four, five, six. Let's get right in front of Tati. Yeah, let's swing on Tati. But, uh, oh, my God, crit one. Well, take it. You know the drill. We got to see if that rolls on a table. It doesn't, but it just it just misses. A ghoul right next to Blevins. Let's let's do some let's do some. Claws on Blevins. Oh, oh, OK. That's a roller coaster ride.

Nine, I'm guessing isn't going to hit you. No. All right. And this other goal right in front of Blevins. So far, they have had terrible luck, so. Oh, my God. Rolled a four, that's an eight. These guys may stink. Dead for a reason. Damn. OK, well, one, two, three, four. We're just going to get up next to Joe, I guess. This other ghoul right here. And you know what? Uh, yeah, claws. Let's just come on. They got to keep trying claws, right? So claws, who are 22? It's fine. Great. It's fine. Oh, max damage, 10. So there's a thing with claws, right? Mm hmm. I need you to give me OK.

If the target is creature other than an elf or undead, it must succeed a DC 10 constitution saving throw or be paralyzed for one minute. Oh, oh, good. All right. What's the DC? 10. OK, it's nothing. Got this. Nothing. Got 10. Woo! OK. They sold that one, right? Holy shit. Blevin, you're up. Oh, God. I think if if Blevins can save that, I don't know. I don't know if I can do that. Can't really move, can I? If I try to shift down and left a one of them is going to have attack opportunity, aren't they? OK. Two of them. Well, no, if you go down and left, you're fine. Yeah, they're one of them will.

Yeah, at least you're. Yeah, you kind of got three of them touching. Yeah. OK, then I will target the one directly below me. Yep. And I will attack my rapier. Yes. You know, oh, 22 will hit. Definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Do the damage. That will kill the ghoul. Nice. So now you only got two goals on you. OK, I think being College of Swords, I get one more attack. Mm hmm. So so I will try it again. I already have an attack down here. I will be the one right next to me. Right in front of you. Got it on the left. Yes. Joe's got the other two. It's fine. It's fine. Awesome.

It's great. Oh, that'll hit 25. Holy hell. Hey, do a little damage. Oh, 11 damage. He's a young man. Bones coming in handy. I'll be in my turn. Tatiana, you are up. OK, get the fuck away from me. Mm hmm. Move over here. Can I shoot the same one that I shot before, or is this other guy in the way? Yeah, no, you can shoot whoever you want. It's fine. OK, I'm going to shoot him again then. Sure. I am. That guy's marked. Oh, yay. Oh, we'll drop that three. Take a 14, 22 hit. Yeah, and damage. Oof, yeah, he's looking rough. So you don't get sneak attack automatically if it's advantage.

I believe it's only when they are engaged with somebody or adjacent to somebody else. No, it says if you have an if you have advantage on it, you get sneak attack. Oh, sweet. You don't need advantage on the attack roll if and yeah, so yeah. If another I see it's only if. Sweet. So I'll do that. Oh, Jesus, God. That'll kill it. That'll kill another ghoul. Yeah. Nice. You know, someone out there screaming, it's like, no, you do. You do. You do get it. Oh, God. Anything else? Yeah. Immediately after I deal my sneak attack damage on one creature, I can target a second creature and deal necrotic damage.

Oh. For my wails from the grave. I pictured the animal. I'm not. And I'll target this guy to the bottom here. Sure. One ghoul is as good as another. Seven damage. That will end my turn. Oh, God. OK, so Ian, Ian's going to kind of stagger up here. Mostly kind of like unclothed, like kind of stubbly, you know, kind of a moppy head of like dirty, sandy brown hair and completely unarmed, unarmored and just sort of looking around and will kind of get up and and like stagger forward and kind of jump right in front of Vella. And just sort of like post up a little bit, like realizing it's like, OK, I got nothing, but like looking back at Vella, like kind of like the guy doesn't.

Here's the thing. The guy doesn't look friendly. You know what I mean? Like he doesn't look affable. Like if you've ever seen me on the street, I don't look approachable. Maybe that's like some sort of defense mechanism my body has grown into over the years, something genetic. I don't know. But yeah, this guy doesn't look. But he does. It's kind of like look back at you, kind of like it's like, I got you. Don't worry. Like kind of like, yeah. Oh. And that'll bring up. Does he cover his genitals, though? Does he cover his genitals? There's no time. Dammit. It's intimidation.

They can smell weakness. So you're going to have to. This is some alpha male shit. OK, gross. This girl will run up and he would call himself an alpha male. God. OK. Whatever podcast. OK, so. Oh, no. We'll see. I don't know. Maybe you can change him. Look, this is going to run up and try, try to bite Ian. And right now, 11 will do it because he's not wearing any armor. 11 will just. Oh, no. Yeah. Hmm. Seven damage. So, yeah, that's not going to look great. Ghoul. Other ghoul will run up here and try to bite. Blevins. So now you've got this kind of wall of, well, not humanity, but whatever the opposite of that is.

Oh, OK. Wait, what? Paralyzed. This is this is the this is the bite, not the glider. Not the claws. So they're switching back and forth. I was like, wait, what's safe? Did he? Oh, so this is a bite. So there's no 12. Probably won't hit. No. Good. And this other ghoul. It's going to run right up here to Tati. We're going to try. We're going to try a bite. No. I'm going to numb numb. No, that's three, five. It was almost a 19. Yeah, I it's it's either. Yeah. Josephine. Hi. Hi. Justine is really frustrated that her thing didn't work before. So she's going to take her mace and like banging on the ground.

And there's just going to be like this wave that comes out from it. So all of the ghouls, because they're within 30 feet of me, have to make a constitution saving throw. Oh, shit. Oh. Man, I feel like there's an easier way to do it than what I'm doing. I think. If I can. Oh, you shift. If you hold shift and click on the ones you want, you'll see him highlight orange. Oh, shit. Hit the saving throw thing. Who? Who? OK, so that's a that's a big ask. I'm so glad that says each creature you choose. All right. So 18, 16, three. Oh, the 18 was me. That doesn't count. Oh, OK.

Oh, shit. Yeah. Sorry. 16, three. Four. I'm sorry, I forgot what I was shooting for. 15, 15. Yes, of course. So three of them passed, the rest failed. So, OK, so they are going to take. Oh, they're going to take five D six thunder damage as well as five D six radiant damage. Good. That's seems really helpful. Yeah, that actually does seem really helpful. Oh, God. Ouch. Oh, what? Holy shit. You can do that. It's a small, small. I don't know. Yeah, OK. I was about to say, you guys were in hell. I don't remember you doing that. A creature that succeeds on a saving throw takes half as much damage.

Shit. And if any of them survived, they are prone. Oh, only the ones who failed. Yeah, OK. Well, shit. Let's apply that damage. Boom. Oh, shit. So those guys are dead right away. Those four that failed. Go on. Oh, my God. And then the rest have to take. Holy shit. The rest have to take half damage. But they're not prone. Sorry. They're dead. Do you want any? All of them. Holy shit. Oh, the big energy coming off Karen tonight. Oh, yeah. That's it. Didn't start this, but I'm going to end it. God damn. OK. That was a battle. Yeah, I didn't plan the rest of the session. I didn't think you know.

Sorry. No, it's going to kind of give you a look like, fuck, like that's that was pretty impressive. So you guys are being swarmed and you literally kill one, two, three, seven. You kill seven of them. That's that. That's some pretty powerful cleric mojo. You were basically built in a lab for this specific situation. Literally. So that's all. So reminder, don't piss off Joe and be dead because those two things at once and we just remember those those all those roles say creatures of your choice. That's true. Yes. That's what it's like. Thank God. I like to think in combat is like you and you and then kind of looking at somebody.

You like just like, just know that that is my name. Damn. So that is going to take you out of combat and everything's going to get kind of quiet except for that heavy breathing. I imagine of most. OK, if first of all. You're going to get a big old gold star in the form of inspiration. Karen, and explain this. What does this look like? Like, what are you what do you do to kill seven of these things at once? Oh, so I so I was saying how like she took her mace and she like hit the ground with it. It's kind of like you get like this wave of like energy because that's like the thunder and kind of like ripples.

But then you also get like the light that was on the shield kind of growing even larger and like going out even further. And it kind of just it's like, oh, God, I don't want to get my movie references wrong because I know you guys are going to crucify me if I don't do this. But like, you know, kind of like, God, is it Raiders of the Lost Ark with the the thing that they can't open? Oh, my God. The thing that you can't look at it or you'll. Yes. Your face will melt off. The Covenant. Yes. Thank you. Yeah, you're with you. You got there. OK. I love Lisa. Such a good friend that it's like that thing in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

That thing they can't open and not an ounce of sarcasm. Lisa's like the ark like. What a good I would not have the patience to have done that. I would have busted balls. But I know that's why I'm sweating about it. OK. We are a pack of jackals that will. It's just you'll eat the weakest link. And then so like and then after they're all like down on the ground, she's just like still holding her mace down and the spot that it hit as like breathing really heavy, because I think that like being swarmed by a lot of unnatural beans is a little bit of a trigger for her, maybe.

Oh, that's fair. Yeah. And they were trying to bite. Yeah, no, no, that's fair. Yeah. Yeah. They were less furry than the last time. So. So, OK, to clarifying questions, one, we're going full Raiders where they melt basically in front of you. I feel like because it was the radiant damage, right? Dude, you can do it any way you want. They could burst into fucking flame. They could. Yeah, whatever. Like, I think. Yeah. So. Disintegrate. It. Yeah, they it will be gooey, but like they're not swinging anymore, right? They're not, you know. Yeah. Ian's going to step back because he's barefoot and that's disgusting.

But like like very like the guy. Carries himself a little straight, because like, like he kind of carries himself like kind of big barrel chested Gaston type energy, you know, you know. But at the same time. He this is below him, he kind of sees this as like, this is disgusting. I don't belong in a place like this with people like these. And you know what I mean? Like kind of that, like he's not saying anything, but he's like did he forget what he looked like less than 20 minutes ago? Well, you know, you should let me eat him. Oh, my God. As soon as this fight is over.

Like, again, dead, dead quiet. Right. But if you listen very closely, you are going to be able to to hear like a like a like a grinding or like it's kind of rhythmic and it feels like it's like you could feel it in your feet. Like it's it's it's it feels like something's like almost rubbing against the ground, like underneath of you or something. There's like a friction or something. But it's it's very rhythmic and it happens like every like 10 seconds or so. Um, what the hell's the game plan? Like, what are you guys like after you're out of this fight?

Like, how are we all feeling? I think if if Ian takes a step kind of towards because if he's stepping back from like the grossness, I feel like he'll be kind of bumping into Vella a little bit. Sure. Since he's kind of in front of her. So she's going to. Well, maybe we'll see. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I forgot. She's probably going to like put a hand on like like an arm or something. It should be like splat. Oh, boy. Well, that's not a great start, but OK. We can. She knows his name. Yeah. Call me on my government name. Yeah, no paper. You know, it's just you know, it's like, how dare you?

Boy, so there's a there's just like a flash of emotions, right? Like one. Everything up until you saying that name like he's that there's there's a like you could tell that there's kind of a fondness for you because it's like, look, you could have. No, I ruined it. It's look, it you could have left him to die. And most people would have. He would have. And not only did you not, you, you kind of protected him and he would not have been he he would still be in that tower. Like you got him out. So there is. Probably a sense of something he hasn't felt in a while, and that is like a kinship with another person or like I owe you.

You know what I mean? He's not a person who is like he's not great at repaying debts or anything like that. But so if you touch him like like he's going to kind of like turn around just because again, he's just not used to being in this body anymore. So there's there's a lot to take in one. He's pretty nude, like pretty nude, you know? Yeah. So like this is. Yeah. So it's like, ah, Jesus. Like this, this isn't the best way to to to meet people like I you know what I mean? And then you call him splat and his brows going to like tighten up, right? Just it's like.

My name is Lord Ian Cerberus. Like, correct you like syllable by syllable. But by the end of him saying that name, he's going to like kind of like take a deep breath and like loosen up like he's saying it through his teeth, but like he's talking to you and he's like. It's really long pause, right? I don't know if you say anything in the midst of that, but yeah, just him speaking, he hasn't spoken in this voice for a long time. I think she would probably like just give him a little like grace and just kind of like not like, OK, like noted like I am. I don't say this lightly.

I owe you a great deal because I would still be stuck there without you. And I will not forget that. Having said that. Where are we and how do we leave? It's a good question. She's going to take out one of her daggers and probably her rapier and give it to him. And she's going to say, let's find that out together. Let's figure it out. Yeah, he's he's very much like, you know, kind of a nod. He doesn't say the word thank you because I think that would kill him. But he's he's going to take these and just there's a second. He's he's he's holding. I wish I had a place to put these.

Hmm. It's the acknowledged. It's like, look, man, we got to talk about it. I'm kind of hanging out with my wang out here. And like, this isn't right. This is like. My bad. I'd like to think that part of it is that like fellas like a minute. All right. So most first cover in first. So she doesn't think about clothes other than like armor too much. So she's like, right. Oh, but even that, like you have armor to protect you. So like, right. There's there's there's layers. It's like, oh boy, I wish I had armor. Also pants like, you know, like it's like a second thought.

Also, pants would be nice. OK, without making this too anime. I need to roll for something. Hold on. OK. So. There's there's going to be just a just a beat, just the just the the. The pause is just a little too long, where like the acknowledgment of it's like I'm not wearing any clothes and. Looking at Fella, he is going to blush just a tiny bit, just like, you know what I mean, just a tiny bit like. He's used to being in control of the situation and stuff. And like this is. Yeah, it's it's the guy's got a lot of hang ups and like this this that we're going to.

There's a lot of the hell experience and Vella to roll up into his personality. And that whole Katamari ball is just a mess. So we're going to figure it out again. Sorry. Do any of the ghouls have like any armor or anything that we could try and pilfer? Or were they pretty much just like ragged? OK. These were these were like prisoners. So they're first of all, they're wearing tatters. And then like they've been dead for a while. So like, OK, he would. Oh, OK. The youngest one of you. OK. That might be me now. I know. So the youngest one of you, he would point to it's like you there, boy.

And he was so sorry. Like fetch me some pants. I'm going to go. So sorry. Like fetch me some pants. So so he's talking to Blevins. He is because you're the youngest. You're all you're all sprightly and like, you know, strapping lad. He is your your squire age basically now. So like, you know, and Blevin, he was he was on his knees doing a prayer to Ambry, a blessing for another celebrating another day, another hour, another minute on this beautiful plane. And he says, but me. Oh, good, sir. I think I could help you there. And he'll he'll check his check his equipment to see if he has any extra clothing, which I thought he was just going to take off his pants like I did.

Did he still try to do that? Was that only when you took damage that you tried to make? That's only when I take damage. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that does still happen. I have some leather. Oh, I do have some fine clothes. I don't know if I'm you know, that's just like something I have. I don't think they count as my regular clothes. But I feel like it is my wearing. I feel yeah, I feel like you're wearing fine clothes and then like your armor over top of it, like that's your you know what I mean? But like that. OK, man, we could make this real like heavy metal 2000 if you give them some of that letter leather like we can like, I don't know, we can make something like.

I don't actually have it, that's just my equipment, actually. So leather armor. OK, yeah, I thought it was just like leather. So did I for a second. Oh, man, it's my leather armor. So if you have paper. Sorry. I feel like it's one of those things where it's like, if you don't like if you don't have anything like you turn to balance your squires terrible. We should look into replacing him when we get out of here. We should probably give him a look like really did. OK, there's going to be a lot of really dude looks. Yeah, I know. She said, well, Blevins, he's not our squire.

He's part of the group. Let's see. I might have some extra pants in here for you. You know, they they might fit. Yeah, I. I, I, I picture Vela as a leggy gal, like just squats all day. You know what I mean? Like, pretty sure she's short at like six foot three for a minute. Yeah. So it's it's just all like haunch muscle like. So she'll she'll dig around for some extra pants and it's like kind of hand them to and she'll be like, we'll see if we can find something to help protect you better. There's a few things here. Give me an insight check, please. Anybody can do it.

Anybody like trained in insight. But I want Vela to do this, too, whether she is or not. I'm trained. Oh, I. Oh, shit. 20. Oh, 26. Oh, God, you guys are insightful. We take no and makes you guys real insightful. I like to think mine's more trauma based. Yeah. So as he's taking these pants and kind of like there's a hesitation as he grabs them, like one, he's being given something that he didn't demand. Like it was just a nice thing you're doing. He was probably more comfortable with yelling at somebody to make them do it. And then it's like, well, I earned these, you know what I mean?

Like that's in his head, you know. So you just being nice and handing them to him, it's like, like, you know, that's right. Also love me. There is and then that there is. A bit of sexism in there, too, because it's like these are girl pants. Yeah, they're just like this is a woman. Yeah, female. It's like, oh, these pockets are terrible. How do you deal with these all the time? Like there are many pockets, actually. They're sewn on. What is this? Like, it's just it's decorative only, but they make your ass look great. He does. He is. Look, he's a he do. You know what I mean?

Like, I don't even need to go for that. I know he fit. So that booty poppin' booty poppin' So, yeah, he's he's a bit uncomfortable with it. Plus, he's got to go commando in them. But like, you know, whatever. So like they I mean, I feel like what's a little like swamp ass after we just crawled out of hell? Like, I think it's more the chafing. Oh, shit. I didn't think about that. Not only has denim not been invented, they got to be like more of a sturdier fabric. Like a course like hell, we're not even up to corduroy, right? It's got to be like a burlap or leather.

God, can you imagine leather pants with no underwear? Like, holy shit. Oh, wool would be so itchy. Cotton? Yeah, maybe. Like, I don't know. Cotton. OK, yeah. Oh, OK. Yeah. If it's cotton, like a breathable fabric. Yeah. OK. OK. All right. It's the fabric of our lives, right? Like, you know. But only if it's 100 percent cotton. Thank God they weren't capris or something like that would just be an indignity too far. So. He would. OK, and this is this to probably want to get out of this situation, the long pause and everything. He would start leading the way. Like he would just start he would assume and he would literally tell the rest of the group without being like, follow me.

Like, he's just going to go. I mean, with that, what you will. The part of me is just kind of like, all right, let him fuck him. He'll run into traps. I love him so much, but he'll run into those traps. Do we know where we're going? Right. Yeah. By we meaning him, I guess. I guess, yeah. He he does in that he has picked a direction and he's not going into the room where the ghouls came from. He's going to go up these stairs. OK, that seems like a good choice. If you so, OK, do you ask? That's a very important question. Are you just going to follow? Ask, what do you mean?

What I had said, I mean, are you going to ask him like, hey, why where are you going? Like, why are you going that way? That's, you know, yeah. And he will like, he'll explain it. He'll kind of hold on. OK, I'm going to have to roll every once in a while to see what tone he's going to take. Right. So on a scale of one to ten, ten being the most Ian. No, no, no. That's a message. Pretty easy. Yeah, you're getting you get me in classic. Hopefully that I'll start rolling that with disadvantage as we maybe make him a bit more human. Well, I thought we'd take the route that didn't have monsters pouring out of it.

Is that all right with you? He's a fucking cock. I'm sorry. Yeah. How do you know there aren't more monsters up there? Do you even know where we are? Man, this this guy. Yeah. All right. He's he's going to look around. We're in a dungeon. I'd like to get out of it. So you don't actually know where you're going and you have no armor and you're just going to go right up those stairs and think everything's going to be OK, huh? Oh, Jesus Christ. Imagine energy, by the way. No, I could. Yeah, you're giving me manager care and I like it. OK, so I got to challenge my inner dickhead customer.

Hold on a second. OK. What is your name? Does it matter? I'd like to know who I'm addressing. And moreover, I'd like to know who's questioning me. Um. Well, see, my name is Joe. And unlike you, this whole time, I've been a real human, so. Hmm. I don't know if you saw what she just did, but I wouldn't piss her off. So that was pretty that was pretty cool. But that's that's. Pretty dope. A lot of blood and goo on the ground. We used to be just like all around her. She's just like melted. Yeah. And like, yeah. OK, so. This is not second nature to me. He's so he's probably halfway up these stairs, right?

And they're not obviously they're not stairs with a railing or anything. I think they're just fucking stairs to medieval shit. There's no OSHA. So he's going to turn around. He doesn't even have shoes on. Oh, my God. Sorry. And he had to march through this goo. There's got to be like little footprints like leading up to the fucking stairs like that. Yeah. You can take the splat out of hell. So he's going to he's so he is addressing you looking down, which is his favorite position. Right. And he's going to he's going to turn around and start walking down. I know.

That what I'm about to describe is a foreign concept to you. But in case you didn't hear, my name is Lord Ian Cerberus, and I imprison people in dungeons like this. Do you know how you get out of a dungeon? Madam, he's going to hit you with a mad. I'm like the asthma as per my last email fucking attitude. You go up. And do the dungeons you normally deal with have ghouls in them? I will admit that is highly irregular. So maybe we should all take a second to think about what's going on here and maybe come up with a plan instead of barreling headfirst into something.

I think, OK, is any OK. Is anyone else speaking up before this escalates further? Tatiana has got her popcorn in hand. Yeah. Or it's just uncomfortable. Like, is it just like you got to get him? When he said, Well, I am Lord. I think Vella probably would have been like, Ian, but come on, dude. You did. I feel OK. Are you? Are you saying that is a more of a facial expression, like, like she would not very loudly, but she's been like, Ian, like, come on. I feel like. Even if he doesn't have a good argument, he's not one to de-escalate, so he was probably getting ready to say something.

Oh, he's committed to it now. He's and but like. OK, hold on, I got to roll. I got to roll for it. OK. Hearing Vella kind of like disapprove, like he's going to he's going to kind of roll his eyes, but he's just like, like, fine, if you have a better plan, I'd love to hear it. I hate him. Oh, God, I had a killer line, too. That's a shame. That's not. That's fucking bitch. That's just explicit. I had a killer line. You fucking cunt. Like, just like really go way over the top. Just can. Can I roll like a history to see if I've heard of Lord Ian? Absolutely can. I know you're a bright port gal, but you know.

Yeah, I know. But he is kind of infamous. In a way, it's definitely a word for it. No, that is. Yeah, please hit me. 14. I the name sounds familiar. Like, you might not know his whole rap sheet because like, that's more a West Coast thing. But like growing up on the East Coast, like you've definitely you grew up in a big city. So like news gets around. You didn't grow up in a small village like Oldmoor or something like that. So like, definitely there'd be like a it's like, OK, like the name. I think with a history check of 14, it would at least be it's like, OK, either he's lying about being that guy or.

He is that that guy did exist. I know for a fact he did exist. So like, you know. Right. I have a question. Hit me. So and this is going to be a super big long shot, but I'm hoping you'll entertain me on this. When we first met Joe, she was in Donhurst. True. And so I'm wondering if there's anything in this dungeon that might be Donhurst-y. Oh, boy. So this is so, OK, I'll tell you why. Of course this is a standard issue dungeon. No. So, OK, here's why. So, OK. I can tell you that you are in a very specific part of Donhurst and this part of Donhurst is much older than a lot of Donhurst.

So not only are you in a specific building, you're underground in that specific building, but like, I feel like eventually you will see something, but like maybe not the dungeon. OK, that's fine. I just didn't know if like, you know, sometimes it's like architecture that's like like, oh, this is really reminiscent of this era. And yeah, at the time I got mauled, like it was like, yeah, I remember like a it's real gothic noir thing happening. Like, yeah, there's a huge church above me. Anyways, OK. So if he's like, oh, do you have a plan? Back to the argument.

I'm sorry. Should just be like, well, obviously I don't have a plan right now. But what I'm saying is we should come up with a plan collectively so that way maybe we don't actually get eaten by ghouls. Or if you just want to go off on your own, that's fine. I really could care less about you. Uh. That was out of character. I'm sorry. Yeah, no, he's going to he's going to tense back up again. It's like, all right, like this. Yeah, like, no, I honey, I tried. I. OK. Here's what we do know. We know that this is a tight hallway that leads to a dead end. The other end had monsters pouring out of it.

And who knows if there are more monsters? What we don't know is what's up these stairs. Now, I prefer actually doing something as opposed to standing here questioning me now. If you can stow your incompetence for just a moment, I will quite literally elevate you and take you with me up stairs. This dickheadedness does not come easily to me, and I just throw them in a cell. Oh, man, it's been years, so I got to dust this off. I mean. I personally feel like maybe we should and I would I don't want to volunteer, but I'm going to volunteer, send up somebody who is a little bit more inconspicuous and maybe instead of just going for a plan, we can do like a smart thing.

I don't know. I like to think about things before I do them. But I know that I can do some recon. I know Bella can maybe do some recon. Before we send the whole group up there to a den of more monsters. I mean, we did make it out of hell with with plans, so a plan seems like. The smart choice here. See, he's. He's going to cross his arms. Fine. Very well. You there, girl, go upstairs. And he's going to point to Tatiana. This isn't a sexism thing. He just didn't learn your name. I right, right, right, right, right, right. Yeah. Well, Splatt, my name is Tatiana, and I would prefer you not call me girl again or.

Or I'm just going to say I'll leave you down here, I don't give a fuck what happens to you, honestly. I'm getting the impression that maybe you deserved to be down in hell. And as she's walking up the steps, she's going to flip them off. I love her. There's OK. Can you give me a perception check, please? OK. 17, OK. You're going to you're going to walk past and obviously he's going to stiffen up like you're going to like. Yeah, try to do something petty, like shove them or something like that, and he'll he'll stiff it up. And as you're a few stairs up from him, he's just grumbled peasant like just like flat out, just.

And this is why nobles are douchebags. This is why all nobles beat the rich people. OK, this guy, hashtag not all nobles like there's been a few good ones on the show. Like Tatiana's experience. Absolutely. Yes. Totally. Especially in Brightonport. Brightonport's pretty musky. Like it's, you know, like it's gotta it's gotta, you know. In fact, one of the few good nobles that have been on the show started out poor. So like, oh, what are we trying to say? I don't know. So, OK, you're going to go up these stairs. Yeah. And Vella, if you would like to come, you're welcome, but please leave.

The bitch boy. Oh, God. OK, I like our dynamic. This is good. This is fun. I feel like Ian's in a group of people who just don't take shit from other people. So this is going to go great. Yeah, that's the worst. Like that's not what he wants. I'm here for it. OK. So Vella will probably actually start following Tati. And when she gets up to Ian, she'll probably again try and put a hand like just like on his arm or something. Can you just try to be nice? Or just be nice? No, I hate it here. But she's not going to say it like disappointedly. She's just like, be nice.

Come on. You're better than this, you know, like. And his tone. So like. His tone is a bit softer with you, but the cleric antagonized me. Oh, she whispered. I know. Absolutely. Very lovingly patronized. I know, baby. OK. I am determined to make this happen. I like your chutzpah. That's that's we got we got a little mommy dumb thing we're going to sprinkle on there a little furry, I guess. We're going to like just just just going to cover him in hashtags. I don't know, like. You know, I don't know if this matters now, but I did find that I do have two pairs of clothes fine in my inventory, both wings six.

Man, that did that would have been nice. The times pass, you know, like, you know. Yeah, no, you're rummaging through, it's like, oh, shit. Like you just like bringing it up now, it's like, well, that's just going to get me in trouble. Like, I'm not doing that. Like, I got to say thank you. OK, so is everyone. Man, is everyone going up the stairs or is it just Vella and Tati? I think it's just us being right. I love caries. The road is. Oh, God. There's there's a bit of Karen. The genuinely fucking hates this character. It's like genuinely hates. And it's like, I'm not going up those fucking stairs now because this idea like I don't care if it directly leads to a sunny valley.

I am not going up. I do. I do feel like there's a little bit of like a little bit of Ian and a little bit of Joe like there. They have similar kind of. They have a similar power set, as it were, but they are very different sides of the law when it comes to. Yes. OK. It's very Superman and Omni-Man, right? Like. But I'll be damned if I'm going to do the thing they say we're going to do. Absolutely understand. Yeah, he's he's he's a class A prick. I'm not saying he's not. I love it. I'm living for this. OK, so we're going up the stairs. Tati, can I get a stealth check, please?

Sure. She's OK. So 16. That's not bad. So these stairs lead up to a pitch black hallway, right? But you are going to see a little like keyhole at the top. So there's a door and there's light coming from the opposite side of it. What would you like to do at the top of these stairs? Can I look through the keyhole? You absolutely can look through the keyhole. So looking through here, give me a perception check. Oh, my God. That modifier is just carrying you. I know. Seriously, though, like stealth and perception. Those are my things. Three, four. But then you get modifiers.

Like, get up there. So 13, you're you're going to look through here. And there is indeed candles lit. And this appears to be well, one, not a dungeon. It looks to be some sort of like. Like a like a servant's, not a servant's like quarters, not like a bedroom, but like some sort of servant's hallway that might lead to the kitchen or might, you know, something like that. But there is a stark difference between what's down here with you and what's on the other side of that door. And this is a pretty thick door. So. Can I see if it's locked? Sure, can I try to open the door or crack maybe?

Yeah, give a little twisty twist. It is absolutely locked. Great. I'm going to go back down. Doors locked. Can I pick it? I was going to say, can I try to use my tools? Well, he's OK. Oh, I'm so sorry. OK. You had one job. You're dressed like a ruffian. Why don't you just go upstairs? I really want to. Or I get it. I get it. And I really want to punch him. Bella, can I please punch him in the face, please? I mean, he's only got one arm, so I'll feel bad about it for like two seconds. And then he'll probably open his mouth again. Sorry, add a character. I just remembered I handed him two weapons and he's got one hand.

Do you? Probably like tucked one. It's an oversight. It is, you know, it's fine. I didn't want to get into it at the time. It's fine. That's so funny. She's like trying to pick the lock. Yeah, I was going to say she's like picking locks, so she's just going to ignore it. We can't speak. But you're busy. So like from down the stairs. It's she got he's probably going to be talking to Bella over you now because of your asking. That's fine. I don't want to talk to him anyway. That's OK. You should instruct your vagrant friend that if she tries to assault me, I will take her apart.

Like that would be a funny sight. That would be funny. She's going to turn around for a second. She's like, guys, cool it. Yeah, they're not being quiet like this. They can't be quiet, right? We're trying to sneak here. Like. I think Blevins will try to chime in. Does anybody mind if I pray? Oh, God, yeah, no, he's not even going to say just more frustrated, it's like and he'll he'll just like he's just frustrated, like he's going to try to rush past Tati and go up the stairs a bit more. Oh, it wasn't a no. Go for it. They want to acknowledge how like. Soltrian Blevins is now, yeah, like, I mean, yeah, I feel like Joe is like, I don't even know how to bring this up.

Like what happened? This has those old bones anymore. That is a young man voice back. And his whistle stick. OK, let's not. OK, like, you know, yeah, I mean, you know, six inches of fat is cool. We know, right. But you don't brag about it like in the middle of the party, like, you know. I apologize. Oh, it's literally a whistle stick. Yeah, yes. I was like reading those like, oh, OK. Huh? But that's funny. So did he just like a little celebratory thing? He's playing it. Yeah. How big is your whistle stick? You know, he's a modest size. I say about five or six. Inches?

What are we working with? Oh, OK. So I didn't know if it was like a flute or like a pole arm type of thing that you also like you're playing like a didgeridoo. Like I didn't like I don't. I've never heard of it before. I imagine. I imagine it's like a recorder, you know. Yeah, it's more like a recorder. It sounds horrible. OK, canonically, I'm glad I got to put some kind of music in the background. I got to find a whistle stick. I'm afraid to put that in a Google. It's just one of those like kids toys you turn over. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Someone went to a KB Toys.

All right. Good. Excellent. So, OK, give me God. OK, you got thieves tools, right? Yeah, you're proficient with them. Can you give me a role? Sure. Which one? Let's sleight of hand dexterity. Just dexterity, and then we give you proficiency for the tools. OK, so an ability check. Yep. OK, hang on. Sorry. Oh, I can actually make a thieves tools check. Oh, shit. And I'm going to use that. OK. 27. Yeah, this lock. Yeah, no, that had nothing. I ran the shit out of this lock. Expert, my ass like you just like you just have the skeleton key. You can't make me take it back. So you're OK.

So I imagine it's you turn around. So, gosh, the fuck up like you're doing that. Like it was just a stage whisper like, guys, cool. We're sneaking in, lock picking and yelling. That doesn't fit. So shut your beautiful face. I love you so much. And he will. He is like he's again like he disengages. He he's up the stairs, so he's kind of like waiting. And before he can even impatiently tap his feet or anything like that, locks open and like that door. Oh, like if you open it. Um, yeah, she probably would like slowly trying to gauge any creaks or groans or anything.

There is OK. This is advanced perception. But give me a perception check. And this is a dark hallway, so I guess everyone else can do it. But give me disadvantage. Oh, shit, sorry. OK, hang on. Sorry. Oh, no, no, not you. You're right there. Never mind. You rolled a crit. You're fine. Son of a bitch. I was about to say I was like, oh, shit, I wasted it. You guys are on fire tonight. Like every clutch roll is. Um. You're OK, so the lock is picked, door is open and you're going to. There's a there's just a second. You're going to feel his presence, you know, that that it's like, oh, I can feel like peripheral, like I can feel that someone's there.

And there's a second where like he he almost puts his hand on your shoulder and then like pulls back and then like a second like he's he's still got. Obviously, he still has to carry the fucking like the rapier in it. But like he's going to like pat you on the shoulder lightly. It's like excellent work. Like that's the first complimentary thing you've heard in the two minutes you've had conversation with this fucking douche. Like that is the first complimentary thing he's had to say. Does he say, yeah, I can't and I will. So he said excellent work or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. Just yeah. Thank you. Just like, of course. Thank you. And then I guess he's going to. I just I just need to throw in some salt on this. He is going to turn around in the motion for the others. Let's go. Like he did it like he he did the like. Typical fucking take credit for my work. Is he my is he my coworker? God damn. You know what? The more I play this character, I feel like I'm just going to bring up work PTSD for you guys and you're going to slowly hate me. And like, I feel real bad about it. This is all unintentional. I actually kind of like therapeutic, you know, because I feel like I've gotten to say a lot of things that I don't get to say as a in my role.

That's that's fair. If there's a certain line, yes. Yeah. If there's a certain line you want me to slip in about a coupon or a sale or something, let me know. I'll I'll try to work it out. You son of a bitch. You don't have that coupon. Coupons don't work on Dyson. Sorry. Ah, let's go out into this hallway, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. He will be kind of a step behind fellow, though. Like if Ella is, you know, you open the door, you lead the way. But like, yeah, he's definitely yeah, he's he's been a bit star scream about it. We're like, he's taking credit. He you know what I mean?

Like, he's. I do. Yeah. God damn it. Excellent. But yes, you'll step cautiously and just kind of try to get a feel for the hallway. Strangely enough, the these candles are lit and you know, it's kind of instantly it's like 10 degrees warmer. It's kind of like oddly, you know what I mean? And this hallway. Goes in like you're you're kind of coming out in a fork, so it goes two different directions and one seems to lead to a big reinforced set of double doors. And then the other leads to like a series of bedrooms. She's probably going to turn to Ian and say something like, just say.

Sorry. Let's check these rooms, see if we can find you something else. OK, before we head that way and pointing towards the double doors, I think that's the way we need to go, but let's try and find you something. Kill him with kindness. Yeah, no, no. And he's like he he's not going to dispute is like, hmm. And just like the idea I had. Not even that, like he's not he's not specifically being that way to Vela. It's to everyone else. You know what I mean? Because he's very much prickly to everyone else like. But he is not going to stealth and he will walk face first just down the rest of this hallway and then just start opening doors and just start going in like.

There is either no self-preservation or he is so confident in his abilities that anything that pops up, he can handle. Or maybe both. It's like I feel like it's both honestly, it's like 90/10. Yeah. Guys, a trained fighter. He fights dirty, but he's a trained fighter. Anything that he's done on the show before, he still has access to everything. So, yeah. What about everyone else? Does everyone else come up the stairs or is there like a bit of pout? Pouting is probably the wrong word. Let's let's just, you know. I mean, we do got to get out of here, so I think Tatiana would follow behind them.

Yeah, Blevins will kind of put his whistle stick away. You know, deeds done. And he will follow behind everyone else. Really, that fast? It's a shame. Yeah, you know, just a little quick one. Well, you are much younger now. So like that. Oh, yeah. Pop them off. Oh, God. So he is going to find like it, like he's going to find like some boots and some stuff like this isn't clothing to his liking, because what's up here is a lot of like common stuff. Not the high food stuff. Peasants clothing. Yeah. Like you're going to find like this is very Walmart to him. Like it, you know what I mean?

Like it's it's like, look, man, there's some twenty dollar boots I'm going to have to replace in six months, whatever, you know. So like he's he's got some boots on and stuff. So it looks like this is where like the like groundskeepers lived or something like that. Very. So there's going to be this kind of. Yeah, no, it's more just like aren't me. Like this is survival to him. Right. Like. This is the equivalent of like drinking your own urine in a survival situation, like it's like, oh, that's hardly it'll be a story to tell later, like that kind of thing.

Like he's very, you know, it's it's it's it's like, oh, God. Um. That being said, now, at least he has a like he can like, you know, he doesn't have to hold his his weapon the entire time. What about everybody else? What did they take the time to go through these rooms, check stuff out or because he's doing it just like wait on the other side? Like, what do you want to do? I think Joe's just like leaning up against the wall waiting for him to be done. Sure. Hmm. I was just going to say, I think Tati is going to be by the double doors, sort of listening to see if she can hear anybody or anything on the other side.

Oh. I will say not to make this worse. But he probably checks every room and compares the pieces of clothing to make sure he gets the best ones. I love him so much. Yes. He is. It's it's like I can't wear a brown belt with these. So like he's doing that shit. We're like he's, you know, is he doing this thing? I mean, he like rides it on, but then takes it off and then puts something else on. So like every time he walks out of a room, he's in a different outfit. Not comically so. Like he is he understands this is an emergency situation, but he has tried on three different shirts, two different belts.

And he has stopping by mirrors. I mean, you got to look at how it hangs off your body, right? And right now you don't work out that much and not like, you know what I mean? Fashion show, fashion show, fashion show. And I rolled for it earlier. And what I rolled for was attraction. And there's a seven to Vella. So like there may be I feel like that's what I was like. I feel like he's just like, right. It's like, look, I don't want to look bad. Like, you know, because he had his giver back her pants. Yeah, of course. Like, you know, you were kind enough to, you know.

Yes. I feel like after like the third time that he comes out of a room in a different something, Joe's just going to turn to like Tati and be like, please, what's going on? What can you hear anything? What's happening on the other side of the store? Do you want to do you want to listen to the other side? Yeah. Give me give me a little give me a little perception. Do you do? Oh, oh, oh, that's a crit. What's weird is. Any time you're listening to to like, you know, some service and you're trying to like, listen to the other side, there's always some sound.

It might just be like that sound of like, like the ocean type of like, like that, you know what I mean? That that that emptiness. But there's always something. The weird thing is when you put your ear to this door, there's nothing like it's a wall, like a solid. And I would say that because of Tatiana's past, this might stick out. What you said, Tatiana's no offense, a bit of a criminal. Well, she's stolen stuff. Mm hmm. And she's probably stolen stuff from mages. Mm hmm. And they like to enchant rooms to make sure that, you know, like they might be soundproof, they might be like something if they're trying to hide something.

Right. So like, gotcha. It's probably something you're like, oh, I know this trick. Like that type of thing. OK, I'm picking up nothing, which is strange. So I'm thinking maybe something is protected over here in some sort of magic way. But I don't hear anybody talking or anything like through the door. I'm not trained in Arcana, but can I sense if there's like some magic coming out the door or something? You know what? Your magic enough to do that fucking shit you did earlier, so I'm going to say, yeah, let's do it. You kill seven of anything with one spell?

Yeah. An Arcana, right? An Arcana, right? That's what that would be? Yeah, hit me. Yeah. OK. No, no, that's a seven. You're probably all you're drained. You're all spent. Yeah. Yeah. I need a recharge. I need Gatorade. So while you guys like, I mean, several minutes are going to go by. He's changing and stuff like that. And, you know, you guys are are, you know, listening at the door and he will like wrap things up and the guy is not one to. Walk lightly like he kind of makes a show, think so you will look big, clompy boots, like very, very Robocop, like like, you know, and as he's like doing like he's kind of undoing the cuff on this one shirt and just kind of like rolling it down.

You have that door open yet? Like just like cannot wait for him to get his like throat ripped out by a vampire or something. And then the cleric does nothing. Just watches. Like the ease in which he like he left it like he he delegated. And it's like, all right, like you guys should be done that by now. Like he was waiting on you. Oh, were you done shopping? Were you done? I'm sorry, I know you're used to putting on whatever commoner frock that is available to you each day, but some of us like to have options. Servant options. These are servant quarters, so you're wearing servant clothes.

Milord. And she does a very mocked bow. Are you even a lord? You died. Shouldn't somebody else have probably taken that? Probably just Ian now, right? Oh, fuck, that's. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. OK, we get out of here. We got to get out of here. I got to stop. Oh, shit. OK, hold up. I got to roll. OK, hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, OK. Yeah, you get the full in. OK, OK. So he's he gets real tight mouthed like he's like And his hands are going to drift down to that right here. Say what you just said to me again. Which part? The part that's going to make me kill you. And he is deadly serious, like he is fucking like he is.

I mean, you could try, but this is my group and you are a new person here. I don't think it's going to be what you think it is. Now we can get out of this place together. You can put your ego aside and we can get get through whatever fucking castle this is. He's going to lean in just a bit. We may have to work together right this minute to get out of here. But just remember this. You were born into nothing. You come from nothing. And you'll always be nothing. And he's going to straighten up and then just. Can I get a Constitution saving throw from everybody, please?

Oh, boy. Everyone, including him. Well, hmm. Oof. OK, my foundry just froze. Well, you rolled an 18. So if that's your last act, you did great. I'm back in. I did even I didn't hear your mic sounds great. Everything's good. OK. That weird printer cable we had to send is great for that. Mike, I don't know why. Seriously, I do not know either. You never seen that before. So everybody except for Vela and Tatiana are going to fall over as this entire hallway jostles like something exploded somewhere. Something has fallen apart. Something is like violently, you know, kind of twisted off of the castle, something, but something massive and it's violent.

It's not like an earthquake. It is something all at once. And that door is going to kind of like break off at one of its hinges as the archway just kind of collapses in. And there's going to be bits and pieces of rubble. The hallways going to be intact, but that that was something massive structurally somewhere or something happened. And one of the like one of the doors is going to fall away. And there are several caskets in this room. And it looks like it has not been touched in decades. Easy. Like there's a thick layer of filth and dust on top of all of these.

And most of these are kind of caved in or disturbed in some way. Right. And there's one toward the back where the top of it has like shifted. But like recently. So there's like a plume of like filth and dust. Jameson, let's say it's been a very long time. How would you how would you get up after, let's say, a couple of centuries? So you would this if this is being viewed from across the room from big room, right? You said, yeah, like it's it's probably like the size of I don't know, most millennial apartments like it's, you know, so it's not not not big, not super big, but like and people are most people are viewing it from the ground except for Tati and Vela.

Hmm. So you would see is like if you've ever seen a cat wake up from a really long nap and just limbs go in the air first. Oh, sure. Just like fists and then feet and then just kind of like. So from their point of view, yeah, there is a coffin. Mm hmm. And then limbs are reaching out of it. Yeah. OK. And then there's a big stretch. It's a good stretch. Yeah. Oh, so yeah, that'll happen. And then the the cover will get slid off the rest of the way or whatever needs to happen. And and he'll sit up and just go like, just look around. Guys, I think that's a good time for us to stop.

Oh, my God, I both love and hate this new. I'm so kind of wild. It's interesting, like there's not usually someone who's openly antagonistic in a party, so like it's kind of fun to I wish we got to this a year ago, but like this is great to like. Oh, God. Sorry for all the things I had to say. I'm good. It's going to be up to the bard to smooth out the party dynamic. Don't worry, guys. My whistle stick, we're going to get things right. Oh, yeah. Too loud to whistle. Hell, yeah. I am so this time, this was so much fun. Yeah, it really was like this is good. God.

We're playing really want to lose that argument, so are we really now? That's fine. That's awesome. Oh, shit. All right. Well, then. That would that would probably be your last session before crossover. Oh, exciting. Ah, shit. It's going to be wild. That's going to be hard to coordinate. I feel like, oh, yeah, no, that'll shave gears off of Bree's life. So I just thought of something and I didn't think of it until now. So you guys. With Ian. Are going to cross paths with a group of white ravens, which Ian. Oh, yeah. Has has a bit of history with that's going to be awful.

So. Maybe they don't know they're wearing a lot of gear that like, you know, I don't know. I don't know if they would know, but like, I don't know. God, we have to roll for a lot of shit, I think. But at least we'll we'll be able to loot Jamison in before the crossover thing. That would be good. To loot Jamison. I thought he did, too. We're going to take Jamison shoes like those are nice shoes. This is your next big vampire boss. Hmm. Jamison. I'm just outsourcing it now. My truck, it's terrible. I'm going to hire this guy to do it. I need a little bit of help here.

Somebody else pilot the vampires, please. Oh, I'm really glad we didn't get into a fight there. that felt like that might have.