Shattered - Part 1

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

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Hey everybody, happy new year. I just wanted to say from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for supporting us for listening. 2024 is going to be an amazing year. I'm putting a stamp on it right now, but we need your support. Make sure and swing by patreon.com/dandr to help support the show, get a bunch of extra content in the process and help us keep the lights on. This is part one of a who knows how many parts crossover. We have worked very hard on it for a while, so we hope you guys enjoy it. Thank you so much and let's get on with the show. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves.

I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master going around the very big table today, which has gone off without a hitch. Everything's great. Instead of doing it team by team, I'm just going to jump all over the place. So starting with Jamie. Hello, I'm Jamie. I will be playing Tatiana, the Human Phantom Rogue. And Zach. What's up, my name is Zach and I play Blevin Elmar Ruthaford, the Human Bard. And Jasper. Hey everybody, I'm Jasper. I play Petrichor Mulch, the Vanali Druid. And Lisa. Hey, I'm Lisa and I play Vella, the Minotaur Rogue. And Karens. Hi, I'm Karen and I play Josephine, who is a human cleric.

And Bree. Hello, my name is Brianna Marie and I play Runez, the Barbarian Monk Faden. And Jameson. Hi, I'm Jameson. I play Fonculous Honeyhugs, the gnome sorcerer vampire. I don't legally, I don't think you get to say that name in that deep of voice. Fonculous. Ooh, honey, hold on. Oh yeah, alliteration, give it to me. And Susan, I'm sorry you had to follow that. I'll just do it. Hi, I'm Susan. I'll be playing Tamika, Phil the Hand, the shifter sorcerer. And the jet flying, limousine riding, kiss stealing, wheeling dealing Alex. Wow, I'm Alex. I play K'naan, the human warlock.

Thank you for that's a great wow. Rick Flair intro. I never thought I would get one of those. You're worth it every day. It's just too long for most sessions. We had a pretty knockdown drag out fight with the ravens. They managed to push this giant coffin into a pit, but at a pretty significant cost. Sadly, Dog died in the process, runes is down. And it was due to a fireball. It was not pleasant, but everyone else dug deep. They pushed this thing in and technically that would have taken you out of combat if not for this, this robed figure kind of marching towards you, Palpatine style.

Let me let me get one thing from everybody. Can I get a constitution saving throw, please? I want to see something. Not runes, runes is fine. These aren't bad. These aren't bad. Eleven, fourteen, sixteen, no single digits. It's all good. Yeah, much better than when we got fireballed. I can tell you that. That was pretty bad. The first one, the first one wasn't nasty. Yeah. Low numbers followed by real high numbers. So this woman is still kind of marching toward you and she's going to stop and she's going to look into the pit and there's a moment where she's it looks like she's about to cast something again.

She's going to kind of lose interest in you for just a moment and, and kind of realize that this has not developed necessarily to her advantage. The entire purpose of this was to get that coffin out was so she's like clearly going to like, look this way and then vanish like boom, puff of smoke gone. But you can see where she's going because there is this inky kind of squid trail and not like her going, not like that, but like, like kind of ink in water type of thing. You can see like this thing is just bolting almost like a, like, like, like shape change, like cloud of bats type of thing.

And you could see her kind of moving back toward towards this, this, this big set of double doors, like beyond the pit. But that will take you out of combat for now, but you're still hearing voices. You know, people are still here and you're probably figuring they're not done with the coffin thing. Like this isn't the end. What's everyone going to do here after, after she's gone? Tamiko will run to rooms. Yeah. K'Nan will run all over all. So I think, I mean, I'm pretty sure he'll try to do first aid, but he's not, I mean, he did, he, he got a C at basic for first aid.

Let's put it that way. And his, I had proficient in it, but it's like not my best thing. So he'll do whatever he can. I got negative one. So don't let me touch the bandages. K'Nan runs over to try and do something. I got you too here. So petrichor is, he's going to look over, he's going to realize what's happened with dog. Dog is ashes at this point, right? Pretty much or something. Yeah. Not looking good. Still solid, just not looking good. Okay. If this is reasonable, what he would do is he's gonna, he's not going to run to rooms. Everybody else is going to be running to rooms in this, in this cinematic moment, he's just going to be, he's going to watch this person disappear and then go away.

He's going to find that way. He's going to go over to where dog is, was he's going to lean down, sort of crouched down and if the pack is still, still intact that that dog used to wear, you know, like charred but still sturdy, he's just going to open it up and he's going to take out one of the healing potions that's always in there. He's going to take a beat and then he's going to say, here you go, boss. He's going to throw the bottle over to K'Nan. Oh, please. I catch it. I have to roll, but please don't make me roll for no, no, no. That would be, that'd be so mean.

Yeah. He's not looking like he's barely looking at this. He's like, here you go. K'Nan looks and catches it. And then he realized he like, he catches it and looks up and then that's when he realizes what petrichor is looking over and he has to just kind of like shake it off and return back to ruins and he'll pop it open. Yeah. Oh, wait a minute. He doesn't know. Cause he, I don't know where his mouth is. Yeah. So he'll pop it open and it'd be a whole look and he goes, Hey, look at Tamika. Wait, how does runes, how does he drink stuff? You know, technically.

Well, I mean, does he drink anything? It's usually just food. Uh, or yeah. Uh, I mean, he adjusts food through here and he points to like this perfectly closed, like slit. It almost looks like the line in between his abs, like right here. K'Nan is kind of like, he looks at runes head and just says on his breath, I'm sorry, big guy and sticks his hand in the mouth. Peel it back, like peel it sideways. Like, I don't know why that's so much more violating than someone sticking their fingers in your mouth. Because it seems like it's a bigger orifice, right?

Like the way Bree described it, it's like, it's a little, it's larger than it is. Like it's yeah, it, it, yeah. It's it's, it's almost like you're doing surgery, like the nape of your neck to your like pelvis. Oh God. So he starts off with just the fingers and then it's all, it goes like up down to like the end of the beginning of the Palm. And that's where he stops. He's like, okay, I'm not going to go any deeper than that. Peels it sideways one handed. And I guess I would get like a part of it just enough where I can start pouring the potion down. So what's interesting about their anatomy is any meat, let's put it this way.

Any meat that touches that inner, it's going to start to try and digest slowly. So there's going to be like a, there's going to be like a tingle and then it's almost like battery acid where it's like, God, like it's just like, it's not, it doesn't hurt hurt, like do damage, but it's definitely not pleasant. And if you left it in there, it would just kind of Brundle fly your hand, basically like it would just be gone. I have six HP technically, so I'm not going to do that. I'm just, I'm finished pointing the potion down, ignoring the, the, the enzymes, essentially attacking my hand.

And once it's empty, I'll just throw the bottle and then take my hand out and tap, tap the closed orifice like pat, pat. Yeah. And within seconds, like bloop, like it's, you know, Gray is coming back into his cheeks. You can even see the chest cavity kind of react. Like it's, it's kind of like, almost like a Venus fly trap and then settle and it looks like one plate again. Like it's yeah. And I feel like once he comes back to himself, he very much like he's still for a moment and it's like, Hey, did it work? But it's actually just him kind of like booting up a little bit.

Like he's getting his bearings. Like he's kind of a very, like he does everything very purposefully. So yeah. So he's like, he doesn't sit up until he's a hundred percent sure. It's like, Oh, I know exactly what's going on here. We just fought that thing. And like then the fireball, blah, blah, blah. And then he's going to sit up like the undertaker, like ready to go. Like, okay. And he's going to look around, check everything out and then probably make a beeline for Tamika. Oh, she's right next to you. She's right next to us. Yeah. We're still sitting over here.

Probably then just wrap her in a big hug. Like cause it doesn't seem like we're in immediate danger. It's like, Oh, we're both alive. That's weird. We didn't think that was going to happen. Yeah. It's okay. We made it. We made it. This entire area around you is just scorched earth. It's literally just, it was a huge swath of land that just like, I imagine there's still like little, little bits of flame and stuff like that, where there's splintered wood and everything from the cave in earlier. Like yeah. And some dead, the resale value. Oh yeah. There's lots of, she burned her own dudes.

Yeah. There's, there's lots of, there's a few dead vampires. And just, you know, vampire simps. There you are. Like that's what they're, you know what I mean? I think Kanan realizes like, okay, runes is good. And then he's going to turn around and see petrichor and walk over to him. Not going to run, but walk and get to his level and not get in front of him. Just next to him, just sit next to him. Not looking at him directly, just looking, just looking forward or looking at the charred remains of dog and under his breath or softly just say like, she did everything for us.

And put a hand on his shoulder. Like one of the first times I think I, Kanan has shown this type of affection, kind of like, you know, like comfort, try to show him comfort. Yeah. Warmth. And petrichor, he's not going to really react much. He's not going to be cold or in like flinch as you touch. But he's not going to really do much. He's just kind of staring. He's kind of like messing with the pack that he had that he opened up. I think if I recall correctly from the very beginning, there's a couple of healing potions. So he's, he's holding onto it like, well, we're going to need this.

He's going to just with one hand. This podcast is supported by Progressive, a leader in RV insurance. RVs are for sharing adventures with family, friends, and even your pets. So if you bring your cats and dogs along for the ride, you'll want Progressive RV insurance. They protect your cats and dogs like family by offering up to $1,000 in optional coverage for vet bills in case of an RV accident, making it a great companion for the responsible pet owner who loves to travel. See Progressive's other benefits and more when you quote RV insurance at progressive.com today, progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates pet injuries and additional coverage and subject to policy terms.

This summer during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson new episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday only on Peacock. The other hand, he's going to undo the collar and just sort of slide it. And he's just going to grab it, like sort of like fold it up into one hand as he's holding the pack with the other one. He's going to say, well, this is what we signed up for.

It's in the hole though, right? Yeah. Yeah, we did it. All right, then let's get the hell out of here. He's going to stand up and he's going to turn around and he's going to just like start getting ready, basically like, come on everybody, let's go. And sometime in that standing up and I guess Tamika and Rune's part and she looks over and connects the dots and then speaks up to Petrichor. I don't know if you want to consider this, but we have seen that dogs could be turned. Petrichor is going to, he'll nod a little bit like he's piecing it together, what you're saying.

You know, in the Silver Glade, when something's gone like this, it's gone. It's just part of the swamp, it's part of the earth, it's part of where we came from. He's going to sort of point at his shoulders, he's got mushrooms growing everywhere. He's just going to say, look, dogs signed up for this just like we all did. It's time for us to move it on. Let's go. I understand. It's all about that balance you talk about. That's right, it is. You know, swamps may be pretty murky, but they're teeming with life. So let's go find some more swamps. Let's get out of here.

We just started our way. We got to go. Let's go. Yeah, K'nahn gets up and I think before he leaves, whoever jumps with the rest of the group, he's going to put his hand on the, or either on or close to the corpse of Dog and just whisper to the celestial like, take care of her if she's there with you. Get up and follow the team. I think partway through Petrichor, starting another sentence with, you know, in the Silver Glade or some, you know, mushrooms, like that type of thing. Like I think partway through that, Terry's just been staring at Dog the entire time.

Oh, I forgot about Terry. Everyone does. He's the Sizzler of people. Oh, damn. Take that back. Yeah, take that back. He has tried so hard. He's tried harder than any cook who's ever worked at a Sizzler. They try hard. No, they don't. They aren't given the means to try hard there, Alex. True. Very true. He's going to stand up and start kind of walking away and you'll hear and there's like, fuck this. Like just like not, he doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want to like it. It might be the first time you've heard him curse. I'm not sure, but like he's just done.

He's just like absolutely done. And he's he's going to walk over to one of these like charred vampires and just grab it by the hair and start dragging it over toward Dog. Like just just no care whatsoever. Just dragging. What you doing, Terry? There's a super like single minded like focused, right? Like and and he's going to keep dragging like we've seen these things regenerate, right? It's going to come back. It's going to get up. We know that. So why don't we use it? Just have it bite dog. And at least we tried. Still trying to muscle it over there. It's he's heavy.

I feel like runes is going to stand up and like go over to Terry like and look over to petrichor like he's going to help Terry if petrichor doesn't like he's making a motion like should I help? Petrichor's demeanor is not going to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Great idea. I mean, bring this dog back to life maybe or something like a vampire. Right? Of course. He's not going to think it's a great idea. But also he's not going to be like, absolutely not. This is he's just going to this is kind of right now. He's going to be thinking, look, the way things unfold or the way they unfold.

He's dealing with the fact that dog just got burnt to a crisp. And so I don't know if Terry brings a vampire over to dog, then I guess that's the next thing. It's a little bit of shock in a way. So he's he's just staring at all of this happening. He'll look at runes and just kind of with a with a blank face. I had a rule of wisdom saving it. It went very poorly. He this is a terrible idea. Obviously, this is just a bad idea. But like, you're not thinking clearly in the moment. Right. So he's Yeah, runes will help then. Like, there isn't like a no. He's like, all right, I'm going to.

Terry's tired. We're all tired. Like, I'll help him do his own thing. And his fucking things wearing plate like there were a couple of really big ones. And all this is the armor ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just scraping the floor. You know, and he's still the entire time has it by the hair like little clumps of hair will pull out here and there because like it's you know. And he's he's gonna do two things. He's gonna kneel down and put his knee on the back of the neck of this vampire and like open him up like a Pez dispenser. Like a milk snake. Yes, exactly. And just have him like braided in the neck of dog and just hold like just hold him there.

And he'd even like tell her and it's like, help me help me hold him. Like just like, because that if it's it's very Pet Sematary, it's very like it's just it's like this is this has bad idea. Written all over it. He's gonna do it but like, he's probably gonna turn his head away after like they're set up and just hold his hands there. Because it's like this seems a little desecrate-y. But he just wants to help and like everything's fucked. And he understands. And you're gonna hear the like the the puncture of like fangs going into like it's and nothing like nothing's gonna happen.

Like it's just gonna be you know, clamp on. And meanwhile, K'Nan and Tamika are gonna hear a voice which it is. You're not going to let her get away are you? Tamika will look around. That is psychomanaging. Yeah, we did we pushed the thing. I guess the thing was the thing stopping him from talking to us directly. But yeah, K'Nan looks up and he looks at Tamika and he'll just like nod like he usually he can do that sometimes. Oh, yeah. He'll look up and he'll talk out loud even if the others are doing the vampire dog thing. He'll say we're we're tapped. There's nothing left.

We we literally have nothing left. Well that won't do. It's not gonna. You know what? Petrichor is watching whatever all this has happened. He's actually going to say exactly the same thing because he didn't hear this at all. Right? So you're going to hear are you going to just let her get away? You're going to say we're all tapped. There's nothing left. And Petrichor is going to say are we going to just let her get away? But I love you. And then Tamika is going to go wide eyed and then look at K'Nan. Wait, what's a petrichor? Petrichor is dead. K'Nan shaking his head.

Definitely not. 100 percent. But but but he just said. Yeah, because legit because legit Petrichor would be actually thinking that we're not going to get going here. Right. So you have that K'Nan looks at Petrichor after he says that and then kind of nods. OK, you're right. And then he looks up and he just shouts it. You're right. He'll look at runes and Terry. We have we got to finish what we started. We have other work to do. Come on. We can't cry right now and we can't do this right now. It sounds cold, but we can't let whatever she was or whatever she plans to do, we can't let her do it.

We can't let her finish. I feel like this was a temporary stop. She might be trying to do something else. We can't waste our time. Come on. He's trying to be assertive, but he doesn't want to be. Petrichor is going to come up to whatever Terry's doing and like hyper focused on trying to make this thing happen. And you're talking to Terry. It's like, we got to go, everybody. Petrichor is going to come up and put his hand on Terry's shoulder and he's going to pull him back a little bit, not aggressively, but just enough to give him a little pressure until Terry looks at him.

If he looks at him in the face, he's going to say, Hey, Hey, she's a good girl. Come on. And he's going to start dragging the other, the vampire. He's going to start dragging the vampire over towards that hole. Like not, not to stop him from what he's doing, but basically just saying, I don't know what's going on here, but we'll get rid of this one. Right? Yeah. While it's down, let's come on. No, come on, everybody gathering up the existing vampires. All right. Here's what we're going to do. I need a volunteer from the Raven side to roll a die. I heard Alex, Alex, let's do it.

Every time it's me, it's been bad. Maybe once it wasn't, but the others have been bad. I think that's a bias. What, what D20 or is it a smaller one? I need a D20, one. So 11 through 20, basically something will happen here with this vampire one through 10, nothing will happen. And you just dump them in. Oh boy. Told you. 16. Doesn't matter what it is. So as like, you're going to kind of, kind of gently guide Terry back and it's like, all right, this is, you know, it's over. It's just, you know and this vampire is gonna like almost like it's been like shocked, like electrocuted, right.

And you know, arms kind of limp at its side and it's going to grab dog and just start suckling at dog. And as it's doing it, you can see it's charred, like charred skin start to like, you know, see, like you can see this, this thing start to heal up. Why did we want this one to come back to life again? What was the point? We wanted to bring dog back to life. This is backwards. This is not. Yeah, this is the opposite of what we wanted. Grief makes people stupid. Being right there, petrichor, because petrichor is starting to drag this vampire away, right? The vampire is going to grab at dog.

He's going to say, leave it. And he's going to pull and he's going to start like yanking at this thing. And he's going to look over at runes. Like come on, come on. He's going to, basically why this thing is prone. Let's drag and swing this thing over the side. Yeah. Let's just blanket party this thing into the, yeah. So make sure it detaches from dog first though. Like hit him in the face with the ball. It matters to runes. Well, I sure, but petrichor is not stopping for that. He's saying, leave it to the vampire. And then he's just pulling to get that vampire over the, over that hole.

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Like, it's, it's, it's not going to be at full strength at all. Like we're talking like one, two hit points. Like you could watch it like, but it'd be pretty easy for three or four people to just dump it inside and it will let go of dog. Cause like, it's more about self-preservation after a second. So yeah, like it'll just let go and you're going to dump it into this pit. And I would like to check in with our other group. Let's check in with Forsaken. So when we left off this, this woman, you were fighting the gemstone shattered. That was kind of mounted in the chest plate of her armor.

And she is roasting in radiant, like just, just bathed in radiant light. Right. And Karen, I don't want to put words in your mouth. I'm going to guess that you're going to stop that eventually. Sure. Okay. It is a concentration spell, so I can just keep it going if I want to. You absolutely could. So again, she's going to scream out. This is the first emoting, you know, it's all been very robotic, very, uh, but like, yeah, she's going to scream out as her skin like bubbles and roasts and stuff like that. Uh, and, and, and she would drop to her knees as the, the, the, the whole radiant light is hitting her.

So like if you, if you turn it off, there's going to be a good minute or so where it's just like, like, like it's, I can't imagine the amount of pain, right. Um, you're also going to hear gasping from the other room and that is definitely Ian. Um, and he's, oh, he wants us to feel bad for him now. Okay. I do. So he landed in this awkward pile of furniture basically. Right. And, and, and stuff was broken and splintered and everything. And he's, he's, he's kind of like, kind of kind of like bent around this shit and falling off, you're going to see where it looks like a table leg went straight through his abdomen, like straight, like he is laying there gasping.

He is dying. Like he can't, he couldn't stand up under his own power. So he kind of like stood up and immediately fell. You're going to hear the clattering of that like splintered, uh, shank of a wooden table leg hit the floor and him like, he's just like, kind of like choke sputtering, trying to get air in. Glad I'm not the healer. God damn it. The situation looks like if you like release that radiant power and she's like screaming or whatever, we start to hear that. I think Bella might be distracted for a moment. And then it's, yeah, it's definitely a lot going on at one time.

Right? Like it's, you know, so if you guys are in this hallway, uh, like radiant light goes out, you know, she drops to the floor and you're going to like, you know, 20 feet back, you're going to see him like fall into eyesight. As a point of order. She does not fall to her knees cause she's still in the earthen grasp of, Oh, you're right. Funky Lissa's earthen grasp. Oh, okay. If she's still kind of contained, then Bella will definitely go run to Ian. Yeah. If she's, if she's all wrapped up in the funky earth grasp grasp, then like that definitely, uh, then like it would, you could see her give out, but like obviously she'll be propped up.

Yeah. Of course. That's what a, what an awful like, yeah. So she's going to run to him and see what she can do to help either eat his, like make him slightly more comfortable or like stimmy the blood flow or, you know, her stymie or however you say that word. And everyone listening, what's your opinion on Sizzler? Yay or nay. Like really like in the, in the comments, let us know or start, start a new thread about food on our discord. We always love those. Uh, feel free to tag Alex and ridicule, uh, or, you know, praise, whatever, whatever you want to do.

What did I say? What? You said you were going to order Sizzler and give them money. And like, I just want, you did not anymore. He's trying to destroy your character in front of the listeners. This is a definition. My decision making is this poor about that. I absolutely am not my good man. I will not stand for this defamation. Did you vote third party? Did you like, what did you do? I don't know. Like I, where does it end? I don't know. I vote Sizzler party. That's the only part. A cold steak in every house. Give an American rat. Eagle screech. He's he's, he's just gonna like, he, he can barely like, his eyes are kind of like, unfocused, just just kind of like grasping down at this thing, trying to see.

It's like, okay, if it's like a small stick or something I could put like the more he's grasping it's like leg, leg, leg, leg. Oh God, that's just all leg down there. That's like, it's yeah, you can kind of see him like start to panic. Blevins will run over to assist as well with Vella's endeavors. Is it does it look like there's a way we can kind of break this table leg off from? Yeah, it'd be very painful. But like, yeah, you could either do that or try to yank it out. Like it is. So to give you an idea, it's like, like that big around like it is a proper table leg like it is softball size in diameter like it is.

Mahogany wood. That's a nice table. Mahogany. It sure was. Can I take like a medicine check to see what the odds are? If table leg should be there, I'm going to tell you right now I'm going to give you this one for free. It's not supposed to be there. That is not part of the... I'm a bat. I assume Vella knows basic human anatomy like, that's not the right word. Oh, here's your problem. Give me give me a medicine check, please. Just to see, like, you know, if I pull that out, is it going to get better or worse? You know, what are the odds of? I know blood's going to go everywhere.

You know what? I got you. OK. Oh, my God, that's a crit. Wow. I know. So. I'm here for it. I'm here for it. This is where your tentacle used to be. Tell me about his wood. How this is affecting his body. So while you want a certain amount of hardness, this is too much. Too hard and too thick. Sorry, Karen. I'm sorry. You know what? I'm not sorry, Karen. Live with it. Just sit in this moment with me. You ever watch a friend get fed up with you in real time? It's pretty fun. Like I like it. I'm sorry, I couldn't hide my disappointed mom's sigh. No, that's OK. We all needed to keep us on the rails.

It would get so much worse without it. So this is this is a mortal wound. Right. And obviously you live in a world of of magic healing and stuff. There's no amount of tourniquets like that. Nothing. Nothing would stymie this. You know, this this person would be dead. You know, no, a potion isn't going to help here. It would have to be like a cleric or a paladin or something like that. And it would have to be a decent amount of healing to to close that hole up, because anything else is just going to keep him alive while he bleeds out profusely. So if you obviously removing it is step one and then finding someone who could actually like seal the hole up, that's and there will be a scar there forever, obviously.

But like, you know, you're not dead. So yay. OK, so just kind of like looking at it, I think she's just kind of if he's like still trying to pull it out, she's going to like kind of grab his hands for such like. Hang on, hang on, hang on. It's too big. It's just going to make it worse. Hang on. Let me see what we can do. Hang on. You know, she's going to try and, you know, just be like, can you? Joe! Yeah, I mean, I'm obviously just going to go over because like the vampire chick is contained. So it's like, all right, let's go figure out what's going on. So she'll like make purposeful strides, like, you know, like somebody who's like, like, like a like a doctor or something, you know, they're like, OK, we're not going to panic, but we're there's a little bit of urgency here.

Like what's going on? Let's assess the situation. Again. Oh, there's your problem. Yeah. What kind of spell I got to spend on this thing? So OK, I hate to put it like this. Because it went through the back of him, the easiest way would be to have him on his side and kick the table leg out through the back of him and then heal him. It will be excruciating, but that'll be the quickest. And Karen, stop smiling a little bit. Stop it. I just, you know, I'll let my character do this. I just can't be bothered, to be honest. Like, like Karen personally, I don't care.

Like I look, I get it. Like I don't think a sizable portion of our listenership would disagree. Lisa would. But I was like ninety nine point nine percent. I'm doing this for Lisa and Brianna. You're a cleric. You took the Hippocratic oath. Here's the thing, though, if just like I got bigger fish to fry than this fucker, then so be it. You know what I mean? Like she's just that's just what Bill would do. Like, we got to try, you know, and she's not because it's too big. I think like Joe recognizes that, like, fellas kind of attached to this person and like, all right, like I'm going to help out.

It's not really a priority, but I'm going to do it, you know, like just if it doesn't work. Yeah, like. Yeah, I'll cast some pity heels, but like, look, we only have so much of those like during the day. So canonically, you're sitting around like we've already been attacked twice since being here. It's probably like unless we go out the front doors nowish, it's probably not going to get better. But like, OK. And honestly, if you listen to us in the first place, maybe this would have happened. Yeah. Truth. Preach it, girl. Preach it. But while you're preaching it, you are kicking that fucking table leg out of his chest, right?

Yeah. You're not just like, you know, this wouldn't have happened. He's gone. Like, you know, like. You get out my book if I told you so. Eyes open, eyes open. Like you're just. There's definitely a you're you owe me fucking big time for this in there somewhere, though, right? When he's conscious, like you don't you save that for. Oh, yeah. In my mind, you make eye contact with him. You're like, I just want to let you know that I am the one healing you. The asshole. Can I get can I get an athletics check, please? Oh, God. We're looking for 13 or higher. That's it.

Can anybody assist with this? Like, I can hold him. You can kick on her. I like holding stable, so everybody kick in just Billy bats and fucking good fellas. Just like, yeah, like it's kind of tough. OK, are you trained in athletics? Me? No, no, no, Zach. Oh, OK. I think absolutely no. OK, so just just give me an athletics check. I'm sure it'll be fine. Fuck, that's a six. Kind of like being with me, Ed, just break his spine. With your chainmail. It's more I I think you're going to kick and kind of glance off because it's not. So this isn't a flat end. It is broken off and jammed.

Yeah, it's it's it's all splinters. So you're going to kick partially and just kind of like like it's going to go a little bit. But your your boots kind of kind of slip off and then kick him. Like it's not a clean kick. Can I get one more, please? Sure. Line them back up. Try it again. Oh, eleven, much better. This one, it's going to move quite a bit. He every time he's getting kicked, it's there's a little bit of blood that kind of comes out of his mouth, just like like he's not even vocal, like it's just like it is. Hardcore pain. Lisa, could you do me a favor?

Maybe. Yeah. Could could could develop give me an athletic check, please? Sure. It's just a flat D 20. Oh, you guys. OK, so she's not. Is that maybe pulling? Yeah. Like something just. Yeah, it's like anything. So the third kick is finally going to get this thing out of there. But it is not clean and that just to this river of blood, just just kind of like comes out. It is it is fucked. And he's essentially going to roll over on his back and just you can see the light fade in his eyes like he is just out. Done. Gone. So touchy touch. Healy Healy. Oh, I thought you meant like dead.

I was like, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I would do all this trouble of bringing him back from hell and he's dead. Just like it's like you're this is a Gwen Stacy moment, right? Like it like you almost missed you almost like, you know what I mean? Like normally, boom, he'll be dead. Just like but but just in time because this. Yeah. He's going to like after a couple of seconds, he's going to open his eyes. You could watch that the tissue kind of like regrow and kind of bind together and stuff. And it is not an insubstantial amount of healing.

It's like 10 hit points worth of healing to to get him back to like, OK, there's some blood in you. You were a court low like that type of thing. Like, you know, and. He's kind of slowly, like covered in blood, obviously, and there's a nice little hole in his peasant shirt that is just straight through and he's going to open his eyes and and kind of like like wipe the blood off of like around his lips and stuff. And there's going to be a few seconds of like kind of recognition, like just kind of it's like, OK, wait, fuck. Like it. For a moment, looks like it murders him inside.

And he's going to he's going to look over at Joe and he's almost going to say something and then he's just going to like take a deep breath. Thank you. You didn't have to do that. And I appreciate it. It's like just very low, but. Like it's like without an insight check, it's like he seems it seems like he means it like it's it's not a huge vocal like, you know. It's it's it's it's still causes him pain, but like he means it. God, she's so smug on the inside. But she's going to say that is Karen's outside. Yeah. She was saving to torture him with later, I think.

But she'll be like, she'll be like, you're welcome. And then give him a little little tap on the cheek, like next time, stay with the group and then move her attention away. Maybe back to the vampire. So during that time, well, at least most everybody went over to deal with what's his name. Fonculous has been keeping this vampire lady in the earthen grass because it's just a concentration of all so he can keep her there. And he's he is doing that thing where he's just kind of staring and blinking at her. His hands are just kind of clasped behind his back and he's going to use message to speak to her.

And he's going to say, you want to tell me what that was all about? Very similar to Ian's situation. So first first like minute is going to be intense pain, catching breath. You're going to watch her like skin start to like slowly like it was bubbled and seared like a really bad sunburn and then just slowly kind of calm down and regenerate. There's going to be this moment of like panic after one. She hears your voice in her head and just like eyes going to snap open and look around and try to get out of this. You said it's like a giant hand that is. Yeah.

And it's sort of like tilted her forward a little bit to like he's taking a couple steps. Like it's clear that he's the one speaking like he's just standing there like patiently waiting like. Right. He's just not using his outside voice. And yeah, she's going to she's going to start panicking. You let me out now. Now. Like she's very insistent like now. Well, I mean, last time you kicked that guy through a table. I'm pretty sure he's dead. So no. And there's a when you say that there's a she can't turn around to see. So she's she's like there is a moment of like, oh, God, like there's guilt.

But it's it's like, look, we don't have much time. I need to get out of this. I'm sorry I attacked you. But we may only have an hour or two. I don't know. Hour or two for what? What's going on? Did you like and she's going to look down at where the the gemstone was. You you shattered that. I'm not under control anymore, but we have to stop her from raising that thing or we're all dead. You know, you seem a little different now. So yeah, you're probably fine. I trust you. You look all right. Are you still messaging or are you speaking? This is totally in his head completely.

OK, cool. Tatiana is just watching her bow like drawn on this lady. And she's like, what the fuck are you talking? Who are you talking to? So if everybody else is paying attention to Ian and he'll look over and see that that you're you're still there, be like, she's cool. And he'll let go of the grasp. Is it just like is it a slow like, oh, let me put you down or just like, whoop, like you just kind of like melts back into the ground, puts her back on the sheet or whatever. OK, so, yeah, she's she's going to like pick the sword back up and everything. And she is very like she is going to look into the other room and see that like he's still alive.

He's getting treatment. And it looks like she think she's thinking about going over there and she's just going to be OK, fine. And she is going to turn back towards funk and kind of look at him and Tatiana. I need your help. We have to stop her or we might already be too late. But I just come with me and she's going to start walking like very purposefully, like back the way you came. We're trying to go that we're trying to leave. We're trying to go that way. The door is like right there. So very quickly, do you notice how it's still nighttime outside? It shouldn't be nighttime.

Just kind of look at you like, where have you been? Like, yes, it's still nighttime. It's it's been almost 24 hours. We haven't been here that long. So I wouldn't I don't know that we just got here and just wanted to get out of this freaky castle that's literally falling apart on top of us. You can literally like watch her eyes and she's building a TLDR version of everything really quickly. It's like, all right, somewhere in this castle, probably probably somewhere up high. There was a woman and she is going to resurrect something ancient, something horrible.

And we need to stop her because she's not thinking straight. And honestly, I think she may be possessed. Do we all hear this part or are the people in the other room? Oh, it's it's pretty loud. She's pretty urgent. Yeah. It seems frantic. Yeah. By this time, by the way, Ian would have gotten up and picked up that table leg and he's going to try and use it as a steak and gore this woman straight to the back. No, no, no. If you stop him. Yeah, I'm going to because he's going to go past me because I was above him. If you stop him, there'd be like, she's distracted.

Why aren't we? Yeah, just a fucking vampire. What do you want? The vampire side? Like, almost information than you do. And it's like just like, you're right. All right. We'll kill her after we get the information. It's just like it's like that sensible. You're right. OK. That's you did a good job for last time. He she got the drop on him last time. This time it's going to be different this time. Totally different. I think Tati is kind of putting some pieces together because we were told that we were going to be sent somewhere that needed us. And so I'm going to look towards Joe and Vella and even Fonculous and Blevins and be like, do you think that's why why we're here?

Should we? I mean, I want to leave, but I don't want to piss off any of those, quote unquote, gods. I tend to agree. I, of course, worship Ambry, and this could be our calling, for what it's worth. I mean, we can't have been sent here for no reason or whatnot. There must be a reason why here of all places, there are much more celebratory places than this dreary castle, but we're here. So I I'm in agreement. Well, while you guys are talking about that, because Fonculous has no idea what he's talking about. He's going to sneak away into the room where Ian landed and go lap up all that blood off the floor.

Delicious. What does Ian taste like? I must know. Sizzler. Yeah, it's just it's kind of lack of effort. I respect that more than I respected you comparing Terry to Sizzler. That's fair. No, no, no. Yeah, there's a sense of entitlement. And it where it's like, you know, the big food chains. It's like fucking Sizzler. Are you sure? What do you think it is? And then, you know, you kind of. We're as big as Outback. Stop it. Like, just stop it. I mean, does does Ian see this? Does he feel any type of way or you just chuck up to the game? I think you want to first. So, yeah, you know, what perception.

And if it's if it beats it, then yeah, sure. It's probably not going to beat it, but I feel like I'm being respectful by going for the puddle. Yeah, you're being discreet. You know, you're not trying to ruffle any feathers. You just thirsty or hungry. Sixteen. So, no, he's not. What do you don't know? Yeah, he's more focused on the vampire because those things are deadly. And yeah, so she's very much looking at everybody like, like kind of pleading, like, come on on, let's go. If no one steps forward, she's just going to start marching. I think Tati is still looking towards Vella and Joe to see, like, should we go do this thing?

Like, I don't. Well, I'm feeling a sense of purpose being back on Theria versus in hell. And mind you all, we never received our tour. This could be our chance. I mean, they did, like you said, they did say they were going to drop us where we needed. And I don't think taking care of a bunch of ghouls is big enough, you know. I say we do it then. Yeah, I'm done. And in Tatiana's head, she's like, for lark. Oh, boy, you're going to wish you had a lark. Everybody does. Just a big old hit point sponge. That's what you. And when you think he's down, he can't be put down.

Let's let's let's cut back to Raven's here. You know where she went. Here's the thing. You are going to bring up to your patron that you're just tapped, right? You got nothing in the tank. You got that was. And there's going to be a silence. And you you always get these. It's it's all spoken, but it's also feelings. So both Tamika and K'Nan are going to get like this, like, please hold like that type of it's like they have it. You can feel when that connection's been severed and it hasn't been yet. What is the whole music sound like? Like this is smooth jazz or is it like this celestial so far?

I mean, I go ahead, you describe it because I have a feeling for each for each patron. It's like a Spotify rap, like it's one of the like it's it's very like it depends on the moment. So if you guys are just chilling in a field, there's nothing to you know, you kind of got a little careless whisper in the background, something like that. I was thinking more lo-fi. But yeah. Yeah. I mean, like it could be a cover. It's fine. Like lo-fi, careless whisper. I would listen to that YouTube channel for sure. Right now. Yeah. This is more of this is more the music from that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Nintendo game where it's just cacophony.

It's like, like it's just constant. It's like, oh, God, we got to do something. But you don't know what like it's just panic. What's it called? Fuck, I lost Donatello. Like you just like that was the best one. Five seconds remaining or whatever. Yeah. He was the best one because his staff had the most reach and Rafael was the worst. And also because he's the best Ninja Turtle in general. Because, well, nothing was the best in that game. Nothing was the best. That's fair. It was all the worst versions. Don't do this. It's fine. This is my sizzlers. I'll die on this hill.

No, don't. I don't think Donatello is hot and he's ready. That's it. Like, that's all I know. He is just. You are right. OK, about half of that. He's ready. Yeah, that's what I meant. That was the half I meant too. You're totally right. My furry ass thought that the ready part was. So yeah, there's going to be like that, you know, please hold. And then something that this small glass orb is going to materialize right in between you two. It's on the ground. It's just going to be sitting there. It's like a snow globe without the stand, basically. And inside you're going to see this kind of twisting like a like a like a plane, basically, like it looks like it looks like it's like something's being torn apart inside, like this roiling kind of shifting like mass of of castle.

If you can get close to her, smash it on the ground and you can trap her and you in a place for a short time. Deal with her. Like on no uncertain terms, it's like, yo, stab that bitch. Like do something like gotta stop her. I cannot picks up the glass, the glass globe. Looks to Tamika. This is typically how he gives his instructions. It's a much more direct communication than I figured. I never saw you like off to the side talking about yourself before. So I just I just thought it was like inferring messages. OK. Yeah. I mean, it used to be it used to be just feelings or like ideas and dreams and.

More recently, since we left for this mission, it's been right to the point. That and I hate to admit this, but it's it feels kind of nice to have someone else to hear it and then to relate with about this. So I'm sorry about flipping out earlier. Oh, it's OK. I just want to leave you like that, bud. And it's good to have you leading me through this. It's not I can understand how this would be scary alone. So I'm glad that we're together. He reaches out to Tamika and kind of like bends down a little bit and gives her a hug, holding the orb on the other side.

Tamika will hug her back. She's a hugger. And then you already know this. Everybody in the group knows this. Can I get up and turn to the group and says, all right. We have a we have a goal. What the hell is that? Yeah. The patron told me that the patron told me to drop this or throw it on the ground when we get close to her and he looks back towards the double doors. So once we do that, we trap her and ourselves in there and we fight in there. I'm assuming it puts her on a level footing with us or something because you saw how powerful she was, you saw what you felt what she did to us.

He's going to glance over to where Dog's body is still. You go, yeah, I know she's powerful. Hang on a second. You're telling me this will trap you in with her? And if you're pretty powerful, that's going to be bad for her, right? Ah, yeah. I mean, he doesn't really tell me all the specifics about like, you know, instructions, but I'm guessing I just get the feeling that once we're in there with her, we can fight her in there because he told me, hey, well, you know, he said, throw this near her. You'll be trapped in there with her. Finish it off. All right.

So all right. Two things real quick. We don't have time for this, so I'm just going to be real quick. Number one, we pretty sure that's a vampire. He's going to point towards those doors. Canon thinks. I don't I think so. I don't I don't. Could I? I'm quite sure. Is there a perception check we could roll? Because I don't think she was. Yeah. So she was casting spells. Vampires can. That's racist. No, I'm saying she wasn't attacking physically. Like that's true. That's very. Well, that's how you get a table like three. That's that's the vampire. Maybe she's vampire ish.

I don't know. But you know what? If you're going to get trapped in a little I don't know, like a little pocket dimension or whatever, you might need this. He's going to rummage around. He's going to hand you because he was given the orb. You know, the sunlight, you know, Holy Hand grenade, the Holy Hand grenade. You you get her in there. Maybe this will do something and you'll hand it over to you. So now I got to I was going to say I almost said it. I have two orbs now. You should say it and look around at the gaggle of hyenas that would absolutely take that apart.

OK, cool. Yeah, good. That's smart. I'm happy with our friends. Yeah, right where we need to be. That's good. Caught myself. So I'll take the Holy Hand grenade, put that one away and then look at the other other orb. And I'll probably hold that one because that one seems like it needs to be released immediately. All right. If we've got our plan, then there's only one other thing to do. And that's he's going to point toward those doors. Follow the ink. Yeah, he's going to just start trudging towards the doors. Yeah, I'll follow. Yeah, this was a this was a thing that it lasted for a while.

It's definitely dissipated by now. It's you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, he's and he's not pointing at it. He's just saying wherever that ink went through those doors. Let's go. Yeah, I get the general sense of like that. That's the start. That's the beginning of where she went. So yeah. If you yank open these big double doors, there's a huge staircase. It is it's this big spiral staircase, big and decorative. And it just goes floors and floors up. And you can stand in the middle of it and just kind of Ghostbusters look up there and just kind of see it's like, ah, like, you know, you've got a lot of walking to do.

And you're all the way at the top. You're going to see this energy like you're going to see like something's afoot. Something's going on. And time is of the essence. So like, I don't know about the residue. Terry would like just like just for a second. Deep breath start, you know, just start going up. We all we all start climbing stairs. If we're going to go up those stairs, not only are we going to go the stairs, but pet decor, he's just going to say, hey. What's he going to say? Hey, hey, hey. I forgot. I'm sorry. He's going to he's going to be vocal about it, right?

They're trying to find this person. If there's a plan to sort of trap them, then they're not trying to sneak around is in his mind anyway. So he's going to start trudging up the stairs. Hey, where'd you go? Had enough? Oh, you're heckling. Yeah. It's who I don't think we touched her. So saying, do you have a have you had enough is pretty ironic. He's trying to get her to, you know, appear right now. I agree. It's funny. Could you could you do me a favor? Let's do give me an intimidation check. Let's see. Like, let's that was pretty intimidating, huh? Hey, wait, what am I going to say?

Hey, hey, are you there? I say intimidation. This should be a nation. Here's hoping for that crit, because I would be hilarious. Oh, so close. 18. 18 is not bad. That's really good, actually, with a modifier. Like damn. Yeah. Oh, natural. I'm frightened. So there's you're going to hear like there's kind of like almost like like a Tesla coil activity type of thing. It's kind of a you know, there's there's tons of energy going. Then everything's going to stop for a moment. Can I get everybody to do me a favor and give me a dexterity saving throw? Oh, shit. I have a thing for this. 10 19.

Wow. I actually did a good one this time. Nice job. Tamika. Wait, one second. One second. Tides of chaos. If this is an area of effect, I have a thing just for the record. But Tides of Chaos, once for long rest, you could gain advantage on one attack roll ability check or saving throw. Oh. But to regain the use of this feature, I have to let the DM roll on the wild magic search table if I want to use it again. What's the odds of that happening? Right? Never. Oh, way better. Much better. Wow. Honestly, you're all good because you're so far down. But another fireball is going to whip down, like kind of catty cornered from the center.

It is going to splash down below you. But for just a moment, this big spiral staircase is going to act like almost a fireplace. You can feel the entire thing like and it'll die down. But it's one of those things where you got to lean over. It's like, oh, God. Like it's yeah, she's not out of fireballs. You know that. Can on like reaches over to petrichor as we're hugging the walls and the fireball passes us and he has like a ghostbuster moment. So what are you talking about? I was kind of he's like, don't do that anymore. Not going to do that, boss. Not going to do it.

He gives him a thumbs up. Okay. That's like, absolutely terrified. He's like, he saw his life. His second life. I was trying to help, but that did not help at all. To be fair, I didn't think well, I don't I didn't know she could do more of those. You know, typically from what I've read and what I've seen, most people got like, you know, to let's assume she's got a lot of fireballs. Let's go. Just getting ready to continue. Like Terry's like, does anyone know what she is or what our plan is when we get there? Out of breath, like kind of like. Poor buddy. Yeah.

My patron, he gave us and he pulls out the trap orb. I put the trap orb in like maybe like a like a pocket on like my overcoat or some sort of whatever vestments I'm wearing above my armor and pull out the trap orb. We throw this at the ground when we're close, trap her and I assume ourselves or maybe just me. I'm not quite sure on that part, but when we're trapped with her in here, we're in some place. We do as much damage as we can. But no, we don't know what she is. I imagine it's like, OK, cool, cool, cool, cool. Like that's that. Let's keep climbing, I guess.

Fuck it. Like just like there's no plan. No, like, yeah. The inky black thing that happened before, did that look like a spell or did that look like a potential clue for what she is? That was going to be an Arcana check. OK. Nice. Yeah, because I'm so good at those. Actually, anybody trained in Arcana or religion? Well, wait, religion? No, no, that's not any better. So I'm going to go with that. That's not this group. That's OK. Hey. That's what I was looking for. Of course. 16 plus four. Always depend on your friends. This actually makes a lot of sense because it kind of dips into two things here.

So at this point, I think Kanan's kind of putting pieces together. It's like, OK, so that's a lot of spellcasting to just be able to do that and then, you know, just fucking zip away like you're like this, this this reeks of borrowed magic. This is like this. This seems demonic in nature and quite a lot of demonic energy, like either this is an incredibly powerful demon and this person has just given themselves over to it completely or they're being overpowered or what have you, but there's a lot more fire where that came from. You'd probably guess.

So the vessel doesn't necessarily reflect the source. She looks like that, but has like some sort of well, some sort of some source of like, yeah, deep magic, not a hulking behemoth with, you know. Yeah. OK, that makes sense. So Kanan would relay this as we're climbing up breathlessly up the steps. She's like, I think I think we're dealing with something very, very demonic. Not just a normal spellcaster. Geez, there's a lot of steps. No guardrail either. Remember, strength of seven. So not this is the worst situation for me. Not exactly. It feels really bad for you guys because he doesn't have to breathe and he has a pretty high strength.

So he's just like, oh, like walk a little slower to like compensate. Also monk, wind walk, you could just. Oh, you don't do that, though. That would be a dick move. Yeah. Also then you're just up there alone. Just like it could be. Yeah. Let's cut back over to Forsaken really quickly. Now, I don't want to put words in anybody's mouth, but it sounded like we were moving forward, like it sounded like you guys were going. Unless there's anybody who's been recently stabbed that has an objection. I think we've all decided that we're going. I already told him to stay with the group.

OK, yeah, so that's settled. Yeah, it was kind of you're right. You're right. Yeah. I think as we like turn to follow or whatever, like Vella might kind of rub his back a little bit, like it's OK, you'll be fine. Come on. He'll make it. But so good God, you guys are going to be moving pretty quickly through these through these hallways. And there's going to be kind of a series of corridors with like half flights of stairs. And at a certain point, Alex is going to stop and she's she's going to kind of regard everybody. Is everyone. There's no easy way to say this.

This is going to be a fight because. Is everyone ready for this to maybe be final? Oh, madam, I think we've learned there is no final. If we fail here, then we just go back to square one. Is that right, gang? I mean, you're not lying. I've already died once. So she's like she she's kind of getting ready. You you. You have a right to know what we're up against, and it is. It is a pretty awful demon and. You can't for one second let up. It's going to try to convince you that it's not that bad or what it's trying to do is somehow for your benefit, you cannot listen to this thing.

Kill it. And she's kind of looking at it like, all right. Question, is that the one that did the thing to you with the with the stone? Uh, any conversation about her instantly makes her bristle. Yeah, and it's it's also the one that had me turned into this, and she's kind of like motioning like the vampire. And the second this is dealt with, I want one of you to kill me if I'm still standing. All right. Seems kind of harsh. I don't know. All right. Are you sure about that? It could be other measures. I mean, he seems to love being a vampire. He seems cool with it.

Like it might be kind of fun. So OK, so you address him as a vampire. I feel like it's it's obvious, right? Yeah, I think it's pretty obvious. He came out of a crypt. She didn't see that like that's the thing. She didn't know that. That's true. She doesn't know that. That was true. They don't have that vampire to vampire bond. Sorry, I didn't mean to out you. That's all right. I didn't show my club membership. It's fine. Yeah, she's going to glance down and just. I take it you want to die, too? Vamp on vamp crime. What? No, that's ridiculous. What are you talking about?

I just woke up. You're an illness. You're you're a poison. Wow, that's actually a little bit rude, but I'm willing to let it pass because you've been through a lot today and seem very stressed. So you know, no problem. It kind of got kind of compartmentalizing. It's like, OK, this is not what we're here for, but. Let's talk later, like, let's just it's just kind of like stow it away. Yeah, let's just get through this awkward Thanksgiving dinner, but we're going to talk later when we all go out for a smoke or something like that's going to. Yeah. There's OK.

There's one more thing. What? We're trying to kill isn't going to look like some awful demon. And she's not going to look dangerous. But you have to ignore that and kill her as fast as possible. I'm sorry, it's going to be quite difficult. Did you know a demon was inside me once quite persuasive? The more each one of you fucking guys talk like the more it's like, maybe this was the wrong crew. Hold on a second. The wrong group. Any secret vampires or. Oh, my God. But it's not in you anymore, right? No. I've got shunted out of a tower and my demon went with it.

OK, that's it. Let that go. I think you sound so disappointed. Yeah, I think it's like, you know, she's like, you know, mitigated power. Oh, I guess he just washes over you in waves. Is it like mentally? Is he cool or like, is he like, are you keeping an eye on him? Is he OK? Is it like that type of thing? Like just because you got to imagine in the adventure game, you meet a lot of people who aren't, you know, who aren't all there, like, you know, like you got to be a certain kind of crazy to like you become an adventurer. Yeah, you had to. Yeah, you off the rails.

You couldn't be a farmer. There's no regular job for you. You're like, well, I guess I'll go slash tentacles or something. I don't know. Can I ask if this demon has a name? Do you ask or are you asking me? Sorry. No, Tatiana is asking because I've met a few named demons before. Oh, yes. OK, get your religion check ready. Oh, boy. Oh, negative one. Let's do it. Top is not a religious person. That's fine. No, I am factual, but not. Yeah, she's not even. She thinks religion is stupid. Could have been nine. Yeah, that's not terrible. This one. So she is she's going to kind of like again, each time just kind of getting ready, like pumping herself up.

It's like, all right, let's go. Like the last push to get up here. There's a there's a, you know, set of double doors and you kind of take it. It's like, OK, we stopped here. This is probably like the last push, like whatever is on the other side of this is, you know, and each time you can tell it kind of breaks her concentration just a little bit. He'll go something like that. It was all consonants kind of. I heard about her long before I actually saw any evidence of her and. You should probably know. That the thing we have to kill is my wife. And I don't think she's her anymore.

And I don't think there's any saving her. But if for some reason I stop or waver or hesitate, keep going, OK? I mean, Tatiana's going to nod, but like with a solemn sort of eyes wide expression, because that is a tough situation to be in. We'll do our best. Pushing past the set of double doors. There is going to be a spiral staircase that is just massive, right? Just just huge. And you're going to hear lots of war ring and magic casting above you. And just below you, you're going to see a group of out of breath like adventures trudging up the stairs and your eyes are kind of kind of meet at the same time.

And while they do look, they don't look like most of them don't look like monsters that you'd say are monsters, right? There's one that's suspect, but the rest of them just look pretty haggard. You know, they're like they just look like they have been through the ringer and these two groups are going to come face to face. And Alex is going to like, you know, sword drawn, just waiting and then just kind of looking at you as a group and just continuing up the stairs, like assesses you. It's like you're fine and just starts going up. And they don't say a word.

Yeah, I think they're supposed to be here. Do we know you? Who are you guys? Yeah, I'm sorry. You don't look like vampires. The monkey stands behind Vella. Please, yeah. In in kind of steps forward and will purposefully step in front of Vella. Just just in case we actually have two vampire prisoners, but just that's the way he's going to phrase it. He's just like, like matter of fact, it's like, oh, cool, a new group. They don't know what's up. So he's going to start talking like, what's your purpose here? We don't have time for this. We got to go kill some lady.

Come on, guys. Yeah, come with us or get out of the way. There's not really an option to get in our way today. Well, hold on. We were instructed to kill some seductive demon. Are we on the same path? I don't know if I call her seductive so much. Your teen requested a ride, but this time not from you. It's through their Uber teen account. You drive your teenager around a lot to their friend Jacob's house, their other friend Jake's house to James's to Jayden's to Jaylin's to a mom. This is Jake's house, not Jacob's. Now with an Uber teen account, your teen can request a ride under your supervision.

Get a ride with a highly rated driver and with live trip tracking, you'll follow along the whole ride to their friends houses that all sound the same. Add your teen to your Uber account today. See app for details. Bye, mom. Coming to Apple TV Plus on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah. You're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't got to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. The new England is after us.

And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal experience. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV Plus. Just deadly. Yeah, cannot... He'll nod. Sounds like we got the same mission, but hang on. Who are you? Where did you come from? This whole city is overrun with people not like you, right? I know that for a fact. He... Okay. I need you to understand the comic nature of a plant man who's half cat covered in mushrooms, telling a mostly human party that it's like, "This place isn't filled like you.

Talk to my nightmare friend or my half dog girl. You can talk to them and see that we are clearly the majority." And it's just like... I love being the normal ones. Petrichor for US Senate. What'd you say, Alex? I said Petrichor for US Senate. We are humble followers of Anbry. A celibate story day to you all. We've come here by happenstance and we believe we have a mission to fulfill. A holy one, a divine one, if you will. You could call me her chosen. I will not correct you. Oh, oh, we follow... It looks like the patron. He doesn't really... We're on a holy mission too, or a mission.

I don't know if it's holy. He doesn't have a name. Raxor kind of nods in agreement. He looks at her. He doesn't really have a name, but yeah, she's right. It seems we're on the same path here, but really there's not a lot of time for pleasantries. If you're looking to slay this woman and eradicate most, if not all, the ferals that are here, great. If not, we have to settle in right now. Are you sure you don't need a breather? Don't have time. Really don't even have time for this conversation, to be honest. Joe's going to put up, "I think we're losing her." She's going after somebody possessed.

Yeah, come on. We're going to keep going. Yeah. Grab your stuff, everybody, and then Petrichor is going to keep going. Yeah, likewise. For what it's worth, Rune was very creepily looming over your party the whole time and studying you. Getting real close, head tilted to the side. Just icing you all up. Some real nightmare fuel right there. Yeah, real human-animal shit. He's such a sweet boy. Rune is the sweetest boy. He is the sweetest. Yeah, but you got to get there's that initial meeting, especially if you've never been off continent. So Ian will lean over to Vel at one point.

"What the hell is that thing?" And just kind of like pointing at Rune. Doesn't have a face. Can I roll like a history check to know if I know? Off the top of my head, I have no fun. Yeah, nature too, I guess. Either one. Rune's is nature. OK, well, I was going to say history. I have a better modifier. Go for it. 15. I think 15 would get you there, right? Like you'd kind of like at the very least, it would be like how someone who's never taken a Spanish class knows a few words just just through context. You've heard them. And it's like, oh, I know library. Like it's like, why do I know library?

And it's like, oh, community or whatever. Like it's, you know, they'll be stuck in, you know. So you'll know of races you've never seen, but it's all textbook stuff. It's all it's like, oh, yeah, no, I saw some some sketches in a book once. And it's probably honestly some scary stories to tell in the dark style of pencil sketches that are just like, holy shit, that is that that that that's the demon you see when you're paralyzed in bed. Oh, OK. Remind remind Lisa what your race is real quick. They didn't say that. Yeah. OK, so she's probably like that. They're faded.

I will explain it to you later. I think we have to get going. Yeah. So these stairs, how tall are these stairs, by the way, to the top? Do we still have some time? You I mean, you're I'd say you have like four more floors worth. So probably introductions along the way, like white ravens. My name's. Yeah. Started out. It's been a couple of weeks. We were supposed to be here. Vampires and humans living together all in harmony. Next thing you know, we're throwing a coffin down a hole because it's going to destroy the entire world. Anyway, let's go. What's your name?

I think Terry would be like, oh, my story is easy. I'm Terry. I'm a fuck not a pal in the court. What am I like? Just kind of an existential crisis along the way. It's like, oh, shit. I like Terry. Terry, you are a paladin, a core paladin. That's it. Done. Yeah. Can I feel like he's talking behind petrichor? Petrichor says that he'll be like definitely 100 percent paladin. Like, no doubt about it. So, OK, in this world, that's like saying you're a Marine and you've never even been to a recruiter. So you're like he kind of turns to everyone else. He's like, oh, like just kind of he's like, oh, you know, like I don't want to go in the valor.

Really? What I do, right. The actual paladin of court heard me say that I'd get my shit kicked in. So let's just get on. I think I could take one. I think I could take one of them. That makes me think of the big thick man shit anyway. Yeah. Like, yeah. OK, I'm going to say when you guys mention that you're white ravens, just gonna be like, I know a group of white ravens. Are you are you do you know them? The program, from what we understand, the program got restarted a while back, actually. We're like the new batch, the fresh new batch. Does Joe remember any of their names?

I don't think she does. No, I don't think she does. I think which I think all she remembers is the werewolf situation. So I'm going to show you that's fine. I'm in hell. And you did with those guys. But I think she would be like, oh, I helped them out without with a werewolf thing in Lockford. I remember. I think all I think cannot, first of all, would remember the werewolf rumors. And then when we met Sora and she told us the worst story. Oh, my God. Right. Yeah. I think, yeah. Can I would relay it? He'd be like, yeah. One of our instructors, Sora, Sora. I forget any gray, gray wing.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think I remember her. She was really short, right? Yeah. Don't tell her. Don't say that to her, though. Big spirit. Big spirit. You don't say that. You don't say that to her face, though. She will climb you and punch you. Well, it's nice to meet all of you. Glad to have some company. Sounds like we're going to need it. Sure. Could have used your support a little bit ago, in fact. I took a nap. Terribly sorry. Well, my name is Blevins. Nice to meet you, Blevins. One thing we know is that she could cast fireball, so maybe not stick too close together.

Wow. Yeah. Can I look at Tamika? She said that's a great. I like that. Tactical thinking. I like where you're going with this. Yeah. Probably we should probably spread out when we get there. Don't stand in groups too close. She's she's pretty good at kind of, you know, targeting everybody in clumps. So. Are we ready? Yes. Ready to cry. Totally. So nervous. Good. Eventually, eventually you're going to get to the top of these stairs and it is an open platform. There is a ring in the center of it that looks down on the spiral staircase. That's where you're going to emerge.

But the rest of it, it almost looks like you're like you're overlooking the rest of the castle. Like it's almost like being in a casino, like being able to look down and see everything. The castle is designed in such a way that like it just you don't notice it. But from up here, you can see where that coffin was pushed into the the the pits. You can see minions kind of like scrambling around down there. And most importantly, at the top, you could see this woman in robes kind of holding her hands out. And there is a pooling of demonic energy flowing around her.

Right. And there is kind of this beam of what I can only describe as dark light. And it looks like it's taking a Herculean amount of effort, but it is firing straight down into that pit. There are nine of you. What's the play? Well, the the patron told me, hey, get close to her and drop, drop the orb and throw it over the ground. Right. I want to just clear that up. I want to clear the instructions that he told me. So it was get close, drop the orb. And then it said it's going to trap her and you. And then you have to kill her in there wherever it traps you for a short time.

Yes. It's not forever. No. So this is this is essentially this is like the gimmick for the gimmick, but this is the one way to hurt the boss. Yeah. The one way to speak. That was that was not trying to bust it out. No, no, no. That's OK. I want to I want to stick in the player mindset. But yeah, that's so OK. So then, come on. He's not going to pull the orb out. He doesn't he wants to leave it. He doesn't want her to see it. He's going to look to his head to the ravens more specifically to runes and kind of source. When I guess we're not an earshot of the of I'm sorry, Cassandra.

This is Clarissa. Clarissa. Thank you. Yeah. Yes. So as long as we're not in your shot, I'm going to go up to runes like sideways move and be like, are you good? You get to be up front. He's going to pound on his chest twice and then nod. He's going to motion for you to follow him and he's going to look to the other group and say, if anyone wants to whoever is your toughest, come with me. Alex is right there, like almost like already up there, but like kind of frozen. When she gets up there, just kind of staring at the back of Clarissa, just kind of like sword in hand, just taking a deep breath.

And when you say that, it's kind of like snap out of it and just. All right, let's go. I will march with her up front and runes at my side. I'm going to let Alex take the lead because they have they got it. They're going to talk because I don't I don't have anything to say to this woman besides, you know, burn in hell. Yeah. Let let them let them go. Everybody else spread out, spread out and petrichors just kind of like strategically like let them do their thing. But don't stay together. Don't stay together. Flashbacks of NOM from the firewalls, basically.

That's what I was going to say earlier. Well, like anybody who played older T.S. is like command and conquer you just hitting X and fanning out your disperse, disperse. Susan made a point in the chat. Don't we all want to be near the orb? I'm not going to drop it just yet. OK. Yeah, because if we all want to fight her with an advantage, we probably want to go to the special realm that the God said is it's easier to fight her there. Tamika heard it, so I would think Tamika knows and to inform those around her. So marching out into the middle of this, this this kind of big open room again, Alex still clenching the sword.

You're going to watch her kind of readjust it a couple of different times. Like it's it doesn't feel right or like, you know, it's just like none of this is right. And she's she's going to call out Clarissa's name and there's no movement at first. There's still like just casting. But you're going to you're going to see the shadow of something like some entity kind of. Turn without Clarissa turning and looking back, that is not a human. That is definitely not. But it's it's just kind of one of those blurry patches of like, whoa, you guys see that? Like that type of thing.

And Clarissa is going to turn around that beam is still going, but it's much smaller now. It's it's definitely this concentrated thing. And if you were to look off to the side, way, way deep into that pit, you're going to see it lit up and you'll see that casket down there. Like it is it's it's still deep in and it is hanging off of a ledge, but it's taking a huge amount of her power to even hold onto it and try to get it up. It was much better when there were minions pulling on that shit with chains. And you guys fucked it all up. And she's she's going to turn around and it's just this dark could like kind of like covering her face and you'll see like a tiny bit of like blonde hair.

But yeah, she's refusing to take this thing off. And there is a voice that is going to come out of this woman that is not human at all. And it sounds she was speaking to you before. And that sounded a little amplified, but it still sounded like a human woman. Right. This sounds much more. It sounds like two people are talking very it's very reverb and almost snakelike, and it is a much more competent sounding woman behind her voice. And it is super clear right off the bat. You're not talking to Clarissa. Like, that's not it. That's that's that's not what's happening.

The second that happens, Alex is going to kind of like like stand up a little straighter and like she's holding the sword and she's going to she's going to lean over to get on whatever you're going to do. Do it. I'm going to go in. Because it sounded like you have a plan. Like, I mean, I'm going to try and call. I'm trying to hold her with some of my stuff and then call my friends. I'm trying to call my friends to come help me with the power of friendship and beat the shit out of her. Yeah. OK, so Alex is going to run in, just sword out, streaking toward her.

And let's let's get an attack. Let's see what happens. Oh, no. Oh, 14. So is just going to miss like you're going to watch. So this cloak woman doesn't look like it's like, well, she's not very dexterous and almost like Neo style, almost like like in a blur. You're going to see two people dodge. Clarissa is just like a little behind. Right. So this sword is going to swing and just catch nothing but air. This woman is going to just ignite her hand. And start to burn away this cloak. And you're going to see a completely different woman than what you figured. This is this is if you had to put a like a number value to it, this is a pretty high like this is a demon straight up.

This isn't a minion. This isn't like in the old days, this would be called a demon lord. Like this is like, holy shit. Like she seems to have consumed at least temporarily just consumed that woman. And she is just going to launch a cone of fire straight at Alex and. Shit. So Dex say this is going to go poorly. Now, that wasn't terrible. OK, 17. She is going to jump out of the way and this woman is just toying with her. It's going to look that same slow strut that was happening when she was walking around the pit. But the gate is completely different. Like this is a taller, like like a much more athletic person.

And she is taking her sweet time with this and kind of laughing. Like under her breath, there's kind of a like a reverb laughter. You don't see her lips move, but you can like you. You almost feel it in the air like this is genuine mirth at trying to kill this woman. She is going to look at all the assembled people. And say, don't go anywhere, because when I'm done killing her, I'm going to take care of you. But almost like it's an invitation to dinner, like it's like, hey, just just don't sit down, get some rest. I'll be right with you. Now, I'll fly your skin like it'll be great.

And she's going to continue to just launch fireballs as as Alex is just rolling out of the way, trying to keep trying to do something. So if you're going to do something, now would be the time. OK, I'm going to get close as close as I can. Like, not five feet, but like maybe 10 feet ish, you know, germ. And I'm going to feign like I have my mace. I'm going to look at whoever is closest, like in the right side, whoever's like near me from the raven. So I'm imagining either runes or not. Runes is up front with me. I'm up front with you. Yeah, I would say I would say I look at runes and I'll tell him like when I when I cast my spell.

Charge with the others to come on in. We need everybody in close. And then I'm going to begin a little jaunt into the 10 foot range and pretend like I'm going to hit with the mace. But I'm actually going to cast magic circle at the highest level because that's what I have to do, because I'm that's you. And I'm going to reverse it, reversing the polarities. So I'm trying to trap something in the 10 foot circle, 10 foot radius. I'm going to choose fiend because I believe and I don't want to look because I don't want to cheat. I think devils and demons fall under fiend.

Yeah, it's all big rubber stamp fucking fiend. Yeah. OK. So I'm just I'm pretending I'm going to hit her with a mace. So maybe she gets distracted and like acts like she's going to like try and dodge or something. I'm not you know, I can't predict her patterns. But as I go in with the mace, I drop it and I just start casting with my hands and I do the Constantine spell. Give me a performance check. Ooh. Performance. Wow. I'm actually plus four. You're an innate performer. 15. Yeah, no, no. That'll that'll that'll work. So like she probably thinks she's being very clever and she's just going to like whip her hand out to try and like catch this mace.

And it just it never comes. So there's like a OK. And yeah, she's going to watch you cast this. OK. And yeah, nothing. No rules. It's just the magic circle exists around her and all the polarities are pushing inside. So no fiend can exit. And she has disadvantage on attack rolls targeted outside the circle, which is everybody else. We cannot be charmed, frightened or possessed by the creature. And I can elect the last sentence. I can elect to reverse the direction of so. Yeah, that's what I chose to do. Reverse it. So it's inwards. You put your thing down and reversed it.

Oh, yeah. It's your friend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just accept whatever that was. Missy Elliott, what do you mean whatever that was talking about? Hmm. Are you in the circle with her? No, I'm outside of it. OK. So I would imagine there's there's there's a moment where. Like she goes to catch the mace and you cast the spell and she there's this huge smile. Oh, that was good. And she's going to just confidently strut right up to the barrier of where this is and kind of like put her hand and like almost like seductively caressing where this energy is. Oh, this is not the only one with some borrowed power.

Where did you get yours? He just has his hand out, still kind of casting. I guess spells cast already, but it's just like lingering. And he puts his hand down, closes his fist. I don't feel like giving an exposition today. And I can put my hand up and I move everyone to come on in. Like I wave everybody in. And I step one step back because I don't want to get too close to if she gets out, because I feel like she's so she's too casual about this. Yeah. Just keep it a cash, baby. And like she's still facing you, but her eyes are going to watch. Like as the mass of people walk in here and.

You're not being very fun. I want to know what you gave up for it. Was it worth it? He will continue looking at her movements, kind of like more interested in if she's showing any signs of like can't like is she showing signs that she can just get out at any point that she wants or she biding her time for something? He's watching her feet more than anything. He's waiting. Yeah. So I got it. It didn't look like she's trying like it's very. It's almost like she's putting on a show of not trying, if that makes sense. I mean, it's like I don't even want to get out.

You know what I mean? Like it's yeah. And she'll she'll kind of walk around this like half circle, just just kind of like trailing her her nails, like up and down the thing. And there's no sound because it's just energy. But you're you're going to see this thing like ripple where, you know, where she's making contact with it and mixed up in your energy. You can almost see like heat coming off of it, like like on a like if someone's grilling on a hot summer day, you can almost it's like, oh, fuck, like that's OK. And she's going to center herself to be looking at everyone.

So what now? You have me. I'm completely at your mercy. What are we going to do? Canons waiting. He's he's waiting for everyone's close. He's waiting. He still has a hand up waving people to see if everyone's like, we got to be close. He doesn't know how close, but he knows everyone's got to be like, you know, buddies. Let's go. We're all right up next to you. Yeah. Just circled around her. OK, well, once everyone's around this, the 10 foot radius circle, he's going to smile. Alex come to just for what it's worth. She's yeah, she's not dodging anything anymore.

And like, yeah, I feel bad for just, you know, us saying group celebration here. We do things kind of differently. We you know, we we are more of a chaotic bunch. We don't really do all that strategizing and all that mess. So we're probably just filling you guys out. See what you guys do. Right. They got a leader, guys. Like they seem to have like what the hell are they doing? If everyone's in, he's going to look around and he's going to have like a half smile. But he's like, I'm just trying not to smile. Right. Yeah. He says more than I have more than one trick.

And he's going to pull out the trap orb and give her at least a second to look at it before he throws it on the ground. And again, there's like she's not really moving. It's it's just all in her eyes. Like she is watching you like these these cold like black eyes, red like red iris, just kind of like watching you do that thing. It almost looks like her eyes are floating in darkness like it is, you know, and the second this thing hits the ground and smashes. There is a feeling in your stomach like if you you guys ever been on a real nasty roller coaster like free fall or something like that, where it just drops you and your stomach like like it just.

Yeah, it's that. And everything gets pulled apart in this room, the entire room, the ceiling just peels away, everything. And everything is just kind of like smashed and and free floating, because as it gets peeled away, it's revealed that you're in some like pocket dimension. It looks like like subspace, like you are just floating, still standing on the same platform. And there is a portal behind you that reflects the room you were standing in, fully intact. And you just innately, you know it to be true. It's like no one can leave. People can come in, but no one can leave for now.

Like you can just like you just know it's like we're locked in. So let me get you guys a map. And Blevins just like looks like we're back in hell, gang. Find Lauren quick. Back in hell. Very silly. Man, I got questions for you guys later. Feels like home. Just got out of this place. You're on our turf now. Just realizing now that I could have done that whole encounter without burning magic circle. Cool, cool, cool, cool. You were under a lot of stress. Maybe I didn't know what I don't know what this this woman can do. We said, oh, I do fireball. But it seems like.

Well, yeah. Yeah, that's not at least that. Yeah. Yeah. At minimum fire, multiple fireballs. So fireball, definitely fireball. This map is called the end. I don't like that. Oh, loading the end. Oh, my God. You're right. I thought you were joking. I was like, oh, is it? Oh, it is. It was a joke. Like, my eyes, my buddy. Oh, my gosh. Love it. This begin loading yourselves into the initiative tracker by right clicking on your portrait and hitting the little swords and shield. Yeah. Yeah. And then we had to hit the dice to roll. Not yet. OK, very soon. I think we got to wait to run there.

Yeah. OK, got it. Alex, come on. Don't do that. You know what? A guy who likes Sizzler, I'm not surprised. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Why is that like? This episode is brought to you by Sizzler. This episode is brought to you by the Brave browser, actually. Quite literally. Yeah. Yeah. Shall we roll initiative? Everyone. Sorry. I wish you all the luck in the world. Please roll initiative. I want to. Everyone. I'm rolling initiative now. Oh, gosh. Oh, shit. Oh, there's two of her. Why is it to she goes twice and she's going back to back? Oh, no. This was just like, yeah, I know why this way is the first boss fight.

Where there are two initiative spots taken up by them in five. I haven't done this since for me. I'm so excited. I'm happy for you. I really am. Yeah, this sounds really great for you. Thank you. I like it when my friends succeed. I think that's a good time for us to stop for the evening and next time we sit down. We're going to do this combat and then wrap everything up. We have hours of shit left to go. Yeah, that actually is. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. I really thought we were going to do this fight. I was like, how dare you? And then I looked at the time and I was like, no, that's fair.

Yeah, I look I know it's seven thirty for East Coasters and like kids are coming home and stuff like that. We I don't know how long this fight is going to take. It's going to be a bit. And then the thing that doesn't stop after the fight. When you draw stuff is happening. I'd rather because we've had crossovers before we did the fight and then it's like, OK, goodbye, everybody. And then our characters didn't get to have the like one of my biggest criticisms, even for myself, is arc four. We rushed it and I shouldn't have. And I always felt bad about that.

And we're not doing it. So I was going to ask Tamika what she was at some point. So definitely. Whoever survives gets to talk to each other at the end of this. And all the people who died form another group. Exactly. I haven't even gotten to hand over guys a rock yet. Wow. Well, guess it's hard. Like if you if you go to her full art. How do you do that? If you double click on. Oh, actually, you know what? I could just do this.