Six Drink Minimum

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So if you have any interest in anything we're doing right now, including Beyond the Table and the Dungeon Master Diary. Swing on over to Patreon at Patreon.com/dandr. There's a handy little link in the description of this episode and every little bit helps us prepare for things like Dragon Con, which happens in a few months and we got to figure out plane tickets and all that good stuff. So thank you all. And without further ado, let's get on with today's episode. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table, starting with Xavier.

Hello, I'm Xavier and I will be playing Zozo, the Dragonborn Warlock. And Ryan Heywood. Hello everybody, I am your friend Ryan Heywood and tonight I'll be playing Omo, the Bard Fighter pal of yours. And Mandy. Hi guys, I'm Mandy and I play Clover, the Red Dragonborn Endurance. And Alabama's favorite son, Ryan Garner. Okay. I assume. Sure. I assume. Let's go with it. Hey everyone. What else do they got? You know, like I know. I honestly, I don't, I don't know. I know that there are listeners in Alabama because they write whenever they get to that one part, 10 years ago when I made a joke about Alabama.

Well, and then now you're continuing that 10 years later. So I just see they're still listening. There you go. Just a little gut check right there. But hey everyone, my name is Ryan. I'm playing Crib, the Dragonborn Paladin. I just opened up another beer. There we go. Six. Woo. Number six. Happy birthday. Oh man. So we're doing an experiment tonight, guys. If Ryan's rolls get better, we know that it is tempered by alcohol. We just need, we need to get the breathalyzer in there to see what point value he needs to be to roll better. What is the magic? Scientific experiment.

It might've been three, but we'll never know. We don't know. We've shot, we shot past three, but we're going to start at the top and then work our way down. Oh, I started drinking as soon as I got home from work. Oh, poor buddy. I see no problem there. No problems whatsoever. Nope. Guys, we're down the mountain. We have, we've made significant strides in, in accomplishing your goals. Ruthamar is now free of any exterior control. Just like most D&D quests, you've also created several new splinter things to worry about, but that just, that just means you're, you're touching things and breaking stuff.

That's that's D&D in a nutshell. So if you'll all look at our overworld map, you'll see this little green glowing dot. I assume the green dot was kind of like a lens flare kind of situation, but I was going for like a Tinkerbell thing. Ooh. Is it going to teach us how to fly? And that's us, right? Yes, that's, that's yeah. Uh, I want to start you guys off. Let's let's it's been a few days since you guys had a really heavy conversation. I want to start you guys off in the morning. I would imagine you, you finally get down to the base of the mountain here and it's probably pretty dark and you just go, all right, it's been, it's been a long trek.

Let's just make camp and you know, the next day we're starting on flat land. That's or semi flat land. Now you are in dragon's reach, which I think would bother most people a little more than you, but you know, it's always, it's always a danger. You know, for a fact there's dragons. So what I would like to do, uh, what is the breakfast situation at this point? Because you've been on the road now a couple of weeks and you've, you've stopped at a, you know, a major city or two, you've hitched a ride. You've been mostly in the mountains now for a solid week.

So what are we doing in the mornings? Like what are we, what's prepared, how much effort is going into it? I guess. Did Terzire give us a doggy bags? I would imagine cold pizza. I'd imagine most of that's gone after a night or two, you know, cause I mean you don't have time to salt it and cure it and shit. So like, you know, I think maybe you guys hunters, do you think? I think Crave would be. Yeah. I mean you guys probably are and some, some manner. I feel like I've described Zozo as like a forager. Like he mostly eats like nasty looking dried roots and like little berries he'll find or like, but he's been making a point of like never really leaning into the big, uh, like steaks and meals.

Uh, maybe to keep his frame a little frail and agile. Well, obviously too, you're a black dragon born. They kind of come from swamplands and they're, you know, they're scroungers, you know, they're, they're, you know. Some of you might've noticed though, like loud, like anime grumbly noise from his stomach when you guys grill probably like a carcass or something and maybe like some like drool like drooling that he tries to hide. He, he's like, it's been so like two weeks that you've been traveling with Zozo and like, it seems like he makes an effort not to like eat that stuff.

Is Zozo dating someone who's a vegan because I get that that can be like, you just gotta, you know, it's trying, it's trying to get real hard. Um, you know what I think then it has been a while since we've sat down and since this is for science, Ryan, uh, can you give me a survival check? Get out there. You're hunting in the morning. You get up, you're like, all right, this is, this is our first track on, on flat land here for awhile. So let's set the tone. Here we go. Let's see. Oh, 19. So that's a 24. Yeah. So he, he has a net, right? So that that's already been established.

Um, as he's going for animals, I think he would not necessarily try to actively hunt them, but he would probably set a few traps using his net, just something with a little spring trap or something. So that way then he can work with that. Um, but then on the way over to the trap, I think he would start to forge a few things as well. You can't just have one thing in your diet. We have someone that is not going to be eating it. So makes a point to try to gather something. Well hell with a 24 you're probably doing very well. So you got yourself probably some like Brun, Brun's and stuff like, like, like rabbit ask meat and you know, some mushrooms, berries, that type of thing.

Okay. Yeah. So he would bring that back, um, and he would try to, to, to scan and gut everything off, off to the side, right? Not, not bring that back to the camp. Um, and just kind of bring the final product right back. Right. And then he would actually make, he would cook them in, uh, he would cook the berries first, uh, kind of make like a little stir fry type of thing. Just kind of warm everything up. Uh, that would be one set and then he would cook the meat afterwards. I always wanted to add a mechanic for cooking in D and D. So like, just like choosing a weapon, you would have to, you'd have to choose like what kind of cookware you can't carry it all with you.

So like you might have like a frying pan or a wok or something like that in on your backpack, something like that. So I picture that he has like some sort of small, like not necessarily a deep, like normal walk, but like a thinner type of walk that he could travel with, with a couple of just a like metal skewers. So he uses the skewers to kind of just set over the fire and he uses the walk for pretty much everything else. Can I get a perception check from you while you're out there? Sure thing. 15. All right. Interesting. Okay. So let's put a pin in that just for a little bit.

Okay. I would imagine by this point, you know, the, the, the smell of everything cooking is gonna wake people up, if not the noise. Right. Yeah. And first rays of the sun, you guys are getting food in your bellies. You're getting ready to, to take off. Do you guys have a plan for where you're heading? Like right this second? Well, we got a special holographic set of boobies that will point us, right? I mean, I think the question is we have a plan once we get there, probably. Yeah. Which to which the answer is probably no, not at the moment. Not having a plan has worked out mostly okay for us so far.

So that's right. Well, the good news is there is a road. You're a little ways off of it and it does get pretty rough. It turns into a trail. And eventually, you know, you're going to have to go back into the mountains, but there is no reason to start at the base of the haze on mountains, like at the tips and then work your way all the way. That's insane. So yeah, coming out of the mountains and then taking the road up, you know, a hundred miles or so is way smarter. So yeah, the road north is pretty much where you're going to be going. While you're eating, Kriv is going to notice something.

There are shoe prints near camp, like I would imagine all four of you leave very distinctive footprints, right? Like yeah, very easy to tell who's who. But there's there's like a like blueprints, you know, like right at the edge of camp, like not, you know, not into camp. But yeah, there's there's it looks like what's interesting is it looks like one set of footprints walking away. OK. So Kriv's going as he kind of notices that he's going to make sure there's a bowl that he prepares for for Zozo and he's going to go over. Good morning, here's here's your food for the breakfast.

Oh, you even cooked it. I didn't have to go so far. Good morning, Kriv. Thanks. Good morning. He walked this way with me. Oh, no. Why can't I get another talking to? What's going on? And he's going to like look to the other two in camp real quick and then kind of look over to Zozo. I want your discrete expertise real quick. OK, what's happening, boss? And he's going to start to walk over there, just kind of like hold up a finger like not yet. And as he he stands over it, right, we're just going to kind of stand in a spot where it's directly below us. There's tracks just underneath us.

I don't see any tracks that actually come towards the camp, but there's these tracks that actually start to walk away. What can you find out about these? Well, let me give it a quick look. I was going to lean down, kind of like knee on one knee, you know, trace around the boot with his finger and I want to try my luck with survival to try to like to start information from it. Yeah, I got a plus one. Oh, no. OK, that's four total. OK, Mikey's. Any other day that would not get the job done. These tracks go for 30 feet. So's going to like, OK, all right, and just kind of like follow it with his eyes.

They go 30 feet and it looks like they stop near some rocks. Like there's a there's a bunch of like rocks jutting out and stuff like that. Like how how recent how fresh do these tracks look? Do they do we look like we set up camp on a spot where these tracks already existed or do they look like someone was here last night? Well, again, we're working with a four. Yeah. They look pretty fresh. OK, I'll just put my my finger to my snoot to create like and I'm just going to kind of like follow these tracks to like sneakily follow these tracks to those rock formations.

And try to see where they lead. There are literally like a few large like stones. This isn't a cave. I need to I need to. This is little. This looks basically the size of a large toaster oven. Like that's how big this is. And there's a couple of branches that have been broken off and set in front of this little this tiny little hole. OK. But the footprints look like medium sized. I like tiny. Pretty small. They're pretty small. OK. Yeah, especially compared to you guys. It's not you know what I mean? It's not really fair, but yeah, they're the I don't I don't want to use a diminutive term.

The baby shoes. They're kind of, you know, so they're just like small boot prints. Is that what we're looking at? Yes. Like child sized boot prints. If it was a child, that child's super dead or very lost or something, but it's much more likely a gnome. I think we found one of those gnome burrows. Do you guys eat these? The crib looks visibly confused. Burrows. I don't know. I'm trying to piece the clues together. I'm not familiar with gnomes. It's a four man. He's working with a four. I don't know that. I know. You need my expertise. You listen to me. But other than that, I mean.

OK, but so we're working. Are we any any threats? Not that I see. OK, unless they're they might have been spying on us, though. To which I say no loose ends, you know. OK, I got to say, I just woke up. I'm a little confused. I didn't even have breakfast yet. OK, this is my go ahead and eat. Yeah. Try someone else. Sit down. I'll be right back. OK, sorry. I got a little flustered. Crib's going to go to the other two. If they don't have plates already, if he notices that they don't have plates, he'll prepare two plates real quick. No special plating. Just kind of like scooped it over into a bowl.

Bring it over. All right, you two get up. Here's breakfast. We need your attention. I think Clover saw food and already helped herself and went. So if you're putting more, she's like, oh, I'm good. Thank you, uncle. OK, it's good. Do you want seconds? No, I'm full. I'm good. Thank you. OK. And he's just going to he's not going to start to eat it, but he's just going to hold it close to his chest like I'm holding it for her anyways. I know she's going to ask later like that type of vibe. Yeah. And like and then extend one over to to Alma if he hasn't already. And almost say I will have these first and also seconds, please.

I got your seconds right here. You can have her second. And thank you. Thank you both. Yeah. And he starts scarfing down food. Either one of you to have experience with tracking. Footprints. I make footprints. Oh yeah, I make gnomes. What's Clover's skill of the day? Yeah. What is Clover's skill of the day? We had people asking about that and in all of the hullabaloo, Clover's had a lot of things recently and yeah, we have forgotten that. So give me give me a D 20 tracking, tracking, tracking. Wouldn't that be just kismet? No magic. Medicine. OK, good. All right. You know what?

Like herbal medicine. OK, so no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This will be fun. Here we go. Vaccination. Do me a favor. Give me a D 20 and the closer we get to a 20, the more helpful and scientific your information will be in the closer to a one, the more bullshitty healing crystals. Avoid vaccinations. We're going to be. Oh, God. OK, OK. I brought some lavender behind my ear and now I can't get AIDS. You know, that kind of shit. Oh, seven. Oh, OK. It's not OK. So every once in a while you're going to score a hit, right? It's like chew on this route and it kind of alleviates headaches.

But I wouldn't go to you if I needed surgery. That's all I'm saying. So chiropractors. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true. And it worked. Yeah. I think she's doing great. Yeah. She's like, I like to walk. And I like to make footprints and I like plants. And she loses that. She's like, that answers your question. That sounds great. OK. And then just kind of just turns his head over to Olmoff. I once got in a drinking contest with a few gnomes and the ones I drank against were lightweights. So that's a lot of what I know about gnomes. They don't like loud. The ones I talked to didn't like loud music very much, I guess.

Like, oh, bottomless joy, you're too loud. Yeah. Oh, you should tell them to stuff their ears with sage. It will help with loud noises. Oh, I wish you were there, cousin. That's really useful. Yeah. I just know that. Yeah. You're so smart. I didn't know that yesterday. What? The admittance of that. I didn't know that yesterday. I just thought about it. Yeah. Came to me in the dream. Probably won't know it tomorrow. So use it now. That is interesting. You like, does any of the stuff stick the next day or is it just total amnesia? I think it's gone because nothing sticks in there.

I guess anything that's tied to like a big experience like that may transfer over, right? All the little nuanced stuff. Honestly, this might be the rare occurrence of that being a good thing. Like if this doesn't stick, like. Okay. Well, regardless, if I could have both of you stand up, follow me. We need to go over to Zozo and. We'll, I don't, I don't know. We'll look at something. Okay. And she clings to your arm and just like, like I cuddle as we walk. He pats your head as we walk. Momo lets you guys walk in front and he trails behind running over to where the food is being prepped and grabbing a little bit more and putting it on this plate and is kind of like eating while following.

So we're going to get to the rock area and he's gonna, you're going to stop, kind of turn around or matter of fact, get to where the tracks first started. He's going to point down to the ground. Small boots start here. More kind of fresh starting last night. According to Zozo walked over this way, turns into gnome Barrow over here with the, does that, I don't know much about gnomes. Every once in a while, I like to try and think of each race or species struggle in this world. And I wonder what would be culturally insensitive to each one. And I don't know if gnome Burrow hits that, but it may, might be in the conversation.

That's borderline with how the information has came so far. I would like everyone to take a look at what's happening right now at this rock. See if we can take two minutes just to figure out what's happening before we start walking. I just don't want some thing following us. Sometimes gnomes know magic. And one of those rocks might be a gnome. Are you talking about like an illusion spell? There was one at a bar that liked to use it and he would take somebody else's beer and then he would leave behind the image of a beer right there. And then a person would reach for their beer and their hand would go right through it.

And they thought it was real funny. Fair enough. Yeah. Okay. Thanks for that information. You're welcome. Yeah. Crib's going to inspect this rock. I'd like to think that Olmo thinks that it was because like inherently the magic came from him being small. Like it was just, it's like, yeah, man, some of them do that. Like it's just, yeah. Well, it's just a trickster. Uh, give me, give me either an investigation check or a perception check. I mean, I'm pretty sure once I saw a cat levitate, I all small creatures I think can do stuff like that. That's crit Ryan. So it is 20 beers.

It's beers. Son of a bitch. Six beers. Okay. All right. So, it's a shame you don't remember. That's why we're recording it. I give me Ryan. Uh, yes, good sir. You gotta come to dragon con and it's going to cost us a small fortune, but we are going to get you enough drinks because it's $22 a beer, but that's what friends do. Yeah, that's if that's what we need to get the performance. Okay. Now pick a slaughtery tickets. Just don't ask me to do math while drinking. I mean, that's no, no, I wouldn't ask that of me sober. Why would I ask that of you drunk? Like it's, uh, you're going to hear snoring as you get closer to this hole.

Uh, like just kind of like it's, it's kind of, it's slow, just almost like purring. Like it almost sounds like, you know, yeah. Like it's, it's, it's small and reverberating because of the rocks, but something is definitely someone's sleeping in there. Okay. It's going to look up at Olmo and just kind of like give a thumbs up and then put his finger over his mouth as in like to be quiet and then just kind of like lock eyes with everyone else here. And then he's going to take his hand as if he's going to try to grab something and he's going to try to like go one inch past the rock and see if it's an illusion.

It's a rock. Definitely a rock. What are you doing? She's going to walk around like really quietly and carefully and kind of like pull everyone back a little bit and like, okay, I know. I know what this looks like. I hope this is the whole episode. I hope this is it. I know what this looks like, but I swear I just heard snoring coming from that rock. I thought it was like what Olmo was talking about as if the illusion, but it's a fucking rock. No, a really good illusion will feel like a rock. I'm pretty sure. I think so. The rock is snoring. Yeah, it's got to be.

I think it's something inside the rock because I think pieced together what we have. Oh, it's a rock egg. Oh, inside the rock with a spell. I'm like this close to just blasting. Like you just say the word out like I'll, I'll just blast it when we can, you know, go back to saving my dragon queen. All right. So this is what we're going to do. We're going to surround it. I'm going to put my net over it. And then we're just going to yell really loud and see what happens. If it's a thing sleeping, my bird bird. Huh? Yeah, I got this cool thing. Remember, I haven't tried it yet because it's really pretty as it is, but I can put my bird bird and she pulls out her little figurine.

Remember wait, clover's gotten a lot of stuff. Maybe that was at the, well, you know, when we got hit by all the rocks that fell on us and then you all got new armor. I got this because you said I could just like the cards. Yeah. Oh, it's really pretty. I think we should try it. Yeah. Would that, I don't think it's going to capture anything. You might poke it and she's going to go, do you want, do you want bird? Oh, okay. Do you want that in the net with the gnome? Sure. Bird. How do I change it? Jason bird. Oh, you're trying to, okay. You're trying to bird as an action.

I'm sorry. I thought you were saying bird. I mean, if she has to come up with an action word, it would definitely just bird. That's a command over there. That works. So okay. Okay. Okay. This thing's very much connected with your thoughts, right? So your thought is fly into the hole. Yeah. I'll just total into it. Yeah. But go in and perk. Go in. And perk. Pick. As soon as Chris sees this bird flying over, he's going to toss the net to trap whatever it is. Okay. So bird. Bird. Okay. So this thing is going to, you know, come to life and it's, it's, it's honestly two weeks ago, this would have been fan, just Fantasia, just like crazy levels of like, but at this point it's.

I can't, I don't know what to believe anymore. So this little bird figurine just kind of like comes to life, kind of zips towards this hole and has to kind of like worm its way through branches, but like it's small enough to do that. And it's going to go in and you're flicking a net over that. And it's going to be a couple of seconds. And you're just going to hear, as this bird just starts stabbing this, this, this, this person in there and the branches are going to kick back. And that, that, that, so these little hands are swatting at this bird and the bird's going to like fly back.

But every time it flies back, it is going to continue to hammer in and it is pecking his hands. And he's in little spots of blood where this thing is very effective at like pecking and it's trapped in there with him. So it won't stop. So at this point, this little gnome rolls out. This podcast is supported by Progressive, a leader in RV insurance. RVs are for sharing adventures with family, friends, and even your pets. So if you bring your cats and dogs along for the ride, you'll want Progressive RV insurance. They protect your cats and dogs like family by offering up to $1,000 in optional coverage for vet bills in case of an RV accident, making it a great companion for the responsible pet owner who loves to travel.

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Is caught up in branches, this net, and the bird is now laying against him, just peck, peck, peck, trying to get to his face. And he keeps like he is he is now bundled like the worst burrito. That was in the episode title. And this little dude is screaming, just get him, stop, stop, get him off me! Just this bird is not stopping. It is just pecking, pecking, pecking. Yeah, glover, maybe call off the bird. Yeah. OK, you can stop now, bird. Thank you. Don't get squished. Give him a cuddle. So the bird easily can slip out from this net like it's like a hummingbird almost.

So this thing gets out and there's peck marks, like little, little, little rivlets of blood all over this little guy. He's covered in dirt. He's like complete bewilderment. He was sleeping a couple of seconds ago, then attack and then just laying there, like trying to get out of this net. And there's going to be a period after after he's no longer being attacked, he's just going to like stop. Who's that? What's going on? The crib steps up and almost like steps on the edge of the net, like making sure it's closed. Who are you? Why were you watching us? When you come into view, it's not like he relaxes, but at least he sees who's accosting him.

So just like his voice is going to calm down a little. Oh, OK. All right, I was worried about this. I wasn't watching you. I was hiding from you. You're all gigantic and I don't know you. And I just... I was hoping you would move on and just leave me be like his hands are up. So Crib's going to reach down and pick up the ends of this as if he's in a sack and hold them up so that way he's dangling in said net sack and go over and say, these are your footprints and they're walking away. Yeah, but OK, OK. And like you're holding him upside down at this point, which is fine.

It's it's for you. It's pretty undignified just and and he goes from anxious to kind of like, all right, cool. Yeah, that's great. And it just kind of looks like... OK, look, you guys were coming down the path and by the time I heard you, I didn't have much time, so I was already miles away from my place. I just I just wanted to get out of the way, let you guys, you know, camp or whatever. And we both go our separate ways in the morning. I wasn't spying on you. I was just gathering mushrooms. OK, that's it. I swear I don't want any trouble. OK, what kind of mushrooms?

Can I do an insight check? Sure. And while you're rolling that, Elmo would ask you, do you want me to see if he's got like a bag or something in the hole to make sure that if there's like a note or maybe the bag is just full of mushrooms to confirm that? Fourteen. Haven't rolled under 10 yet. This is interesting. Good data. It is good data. I'm enjoying this. This is right. We're going to have to get a liquor company. Yeah, we're going to have to get a liquor company to sponsor us. All right, Blue Moon. Hit us up. Hit me. So what vibes am I getting from this fellow?

Honestly, nothing sinister like it. Like if Elmo goes over to to check out the little hole, there's a there's a small bag and you could see mushrooms have spilled out of it. There are these tiny little pink mushrooms with these like almost like a like a bioluminescent like dots on it that kind of glow in the dark. So there's a bunch of them in a bag in there, so he's not lying about the mushrooms and there is one set of footprints which does lend credence to the story. He saw you coming, ran over. That's it. So I'm an herbalist. Can I see what try and figure out what the mushrooms are for?

Oh, please. Yes. With medicine. Specialized in medicine today. Oh, yeah. Medicine check. Do I get advantage because of my thing? Oh, that's yeah, let's go with that. You're going to you're going to interpret it in your own way. But yeah, yeah. No, I think. Not bad. 18. So these are mushrooms that are most easily gathered when the sun is just starting to set. There's been an hour, you know, where dusk hits and these things just kind of like glow a bit. And they are used for a few different things. They if you eat them raw, they're they're kind of a mind expander.

They can give vivid hallucinations and stuff like that, like like crazy hallucinations. And if, you know, they're they're used in different potions and things, but it's a specialty item like it's not it's not something you'll find like, OK, if you're in a general store, you're not going to see these sitting next to the healing potions, right? You'd have to go to an apothecary and it's like, hey, do you have any of these? And it's it's probably like trying to get a prescription for Ritalin. They're going to go, why do you need that? And, you know, you'll probably have to go through your insurance company.

It's a big hullabaloo. But yeah. And so Culver's like, oh, those tiny mushrooms, they're really cool. They glow and they make various potions. And if you eat them, you can see the future. Holy shit. OK, that's OK. Hey, you. What's your name? Oh, I thought you were talking to Clover and it's like, oh, did you eat a mushroom? OK, that's just talking to someone behind Clover now. So at this point, his hands are no longer up to like. Yeah, so I will say at this point, as soon as kind of the story starts to check out, he's going to like set them down gently and put his finger on his forehead to do his heals to heal them from all the pecking.

OK. And then as Zozo starts to ask, then he's going to start to take off the net and help him out. I think at first he thought you were being condescending, like you're pointing, he's like, haha, you're in a bag, like that type of thing. But like, but like after the heals, like his little wounds, they'll close up. He's like, oh, oh, all right. Thank you. I appreciate that. It's it's Banglin. I just. Yeah, I live out here. I have a house. No, but no. Banglin mushrooms. No. OK. No, I wish I'd love a mushroom named after me. That'd be pretty cool. That would be cool.

Yeah, let's find one. OK, well, we'll go for it. Banglin. Well, I should say I would not eat these raw without some tight supervision. I wouldn't exactly say they tell the future. They they they. It can be used as a way to to reach new horizons. It's a little new wavy for me. But they are great in a few different potions. Are you just trying to keep us from seeing the future? I'm trying to keep you from walking naked into the forest. But, you know, well, he looks at all Moel and Clover. I was like, I don't think I'm stopping any of these two cribs going to snap his head over to Clover and be like, don't touch them.

But my mind knowledge told me that they're fine and good. Your mind knowledge can tell you that all day. I don't want to be chasing a naked version of you through this forest when we have stuff to do. Well, on the other hand, Banglin, you've lost us some precious time of ours. And I think compensation is in order. OK, well, our time is very valuable right now. And you're lucky I'm not I'm not just blasting you. OK, you assaulted me. Hold on. No, no, no, no, no. That's right. And Banglin's banglin's kind of waving crib offers you assaulted me. I hid from you because I didn't know I was completely right.

You're your thugs a little bit. Well, well, you see all this, you hear the word that you use. Oh, my goodness. It sounds like you're extorting me. No. OK. Yes. No. Yes. Is it a point over to Zozo? Take five minutes. At five minutes, one second, I'm blasting this over with my stuff. I'm ready. I'm going to bury. He's going to point back to the camp. Fuming eating his berries. OK, all right. We clearly got off on the wrong foot. We thought there was some malicious stuff happening to us, and we took precautions to make sure that we would get the jump on anything that would happen.

That being said, I'm sorry, my friend over here, although he's not going to say it, I'm sorry for him. Now, that being said, if you can point us in the right direction of the road, that's all the compensation with air quotes that we would ever need. And can I have a mushroom? No. Oh. OK. I appreciate the apology. I don't know what trouble you were expecting from a small hole. But there well. There's been a lot that's happened, and we don't know what to expect anymore. We fell down a hole. There was an ancient dragon that woke up. A bunch of rocks fell on top of us, almost killed us.

Then we were on top of a mountain. There was a big light, then random things or random people appeared and we were talking to them. Then we came down. It's been an event. I'll leave it at that. Yeah. We're on edge a little bit. We haven't had a lot of sleep. This is the first full night of rest that we've really had. But we do need to get to somewhere. Solid recap, boss. Yeah. OK. OK. I thought you were just out here getting high. I wish it was that simple. But it's not. We came down from the mountain so opposite. Well, OK, let's let's let's start over because it OK, I'm going to take you at your word.

I do appreciate you healing up my multiple stab wounds. Thank you. That was our fault, too. So it's the least we could do. Yeah, no, I agree. It's just it's not that it's like this. OK, so I do live around here. It's a it's about a five mile hike up north. But if you need a guide and a place to have lunch, you're welcome to that. But I can't have people overnight. I, I didn't want to be out here to begin with, but I needed these mushrooms. And it's easier to see them near dusk. And then you guys came along. And no offense, your silhouettes are fucking scary.

I, I get that. How about this? We do have a little bit of spare left over breakfast. We still have to pack up camp. If you would like, you could have some of that. And while we pack up camp, if you would be so gracious to help us go north, we would love to have a guide. Yes, there's there's definitely leftover breakfast. And yeah, there's definitely more there. Yep. He turns back to to being there may not be any more breakfast, but I will get you something I can hold out to lunch. And he's like he's kind of keeping an eye on Clover and just like making sure all the little mushrooms are in this sack and he's going to like kind of like tie it up and, you know, like it's it's not huge.

It's it's but he's keeping it with him. You could eat that. Don't. No, no. Yeah, please, please don't let her get any. Wait, will they glow? Will they glow tomorrow night? Like the ones you've already picked? They only for like a day or two. You know, once you pluck them there, you know, I can't grow them near my house because, look, when people find out about them, you get kids out here. They get real high. Sometimes a bear eats them. And, you know, it's a whole thing. You can't have these growing near just cocaine bear. Just bear on shit is bears. The bears see salmon with honey.

And it's just like a whole thing. So they as they start to walk back over to the camp, Cribbs is going to specifically go over to those real quick. OK, no compensation, but he is going to act as a guide to bring us north to make up some of the time. OK, we go our separate ways. Fantastic. He is always visibly just like missed where we where we doing this first place. If it makes you feel better, he will help make up the time. Like there's there's it's like, come on, we cut through here and go for this little footbridge and then, you know, look, little things like that.

But yeah, it's only like five miles. So when he OK, so getting back to camp, like your you're picking stuff up and he's kind of scoping, scoping you guys out because he's looking for signs that he might be in real danger because like you guys so staring at him with like fire in his hand at all times. And it's black fire at that. It's not even just right here. OK, your boss here said that you guys have been through it. And I I'm going to go ahead and guess that this is more of a defensive offensive you're going for. I understand that, you know, if you guys encounter things on the road, it could make you whistle at other people.

I understand. But I am one quarter your size and there are four of you. So you know, just that stare. Yeah, just. OK, so let's get going. There's there's going to be a stream about a mile and a half up. It's a great place to refill your canteens, wash your face, that type of thing. I'm going to do that because I'm coated in dirt. I slept in a hole. But other than that, we good. Yeah, Mr. Bang Bang, me and Bird say sorry. And the bird is just sitting on her shoulder, actually on her head, and just like, wait, whatever figure comes, it'll just be a statue again.

So like at some point, it's like, I thought it can stay for a bit. I mean, this has probably been 30 minutes. So we're packing up. Took you guys 20 minutes to approach the hole. So like it's, you know, like time is a construct. It's just if you show him a statuette of a bird. And. He is going to like, yeah, he's going to lean over to cry at some point. Don't let her eat any of those mushrooms. I'm not kidding. I completely agree. OK, because those need to be sealed. And never opened in front of her. So I'm going to try to play D&D here while they're talking.

Is Ben Glyn's bag accessible? Can I slide a hand of mushroom out of it? I'm going to say it'd be a high check because of Clover. Like he tied the bag up a bit. But like, yeah, I mean, like there'd be there might be a point along the walk where. So give me a little slight of hand. Yeah, it's not that I'm great at it. Yeah, 11. With an 11, you might might be able to play it off like. Oh, your bag was slipping and I tried, you know what I mean? Like you. But yeah. Yeah, definitely. You want to play it off. Yeah. Or do you just want to rob him? I don't know at this point, like.

No, I the way I see it is like he's going for it and it's like Criv immediately spots Zozo as a little bit like just like hand back. So along the way, like he would he would he would tell you a little bit about himself. But it's always like it's always tit for tat. It's like, so what the hell is your guy's story? That type of thing is like I'm like I'm like I said, I'm out here. I make potions. I have a few loyal customers, but mostly I just live away from people. And you guys are doing things with dragons. So if no one else jumps in first, Olmo is it starts life storying the guy about the travels of bottomless joy.

And that could take the rest of the trip if he's not interrupting. I think at some point, Criv would be like, OK, we we don't have to say everything. A few things are better, but I said, right. You know, when you go to the concerts, right, they don't say the entire story again and again and again, and they kind of get the highlights to kind of keep you interested. Let's focus on those. Oh, right. OK. Hey, banglin, you're good with potions. You said? I mean, yeah, certain stuff. Yeah. Can you identify potions? Like weird bottles we found on the road. Hey Criv, show him that bottle we've been carrying around for years.

OK, well, it hasn't been years, but it has been a while. We didn't know what it was. I'm a poet. Working on something. And as they walk, Criv would reach in his pack and pull it out. Just whip it. Good. So taking this thing, some of those flecks have kind of settled to the bottom of it. But like, Banglin's going to kind of like shake it a bit. Oh, it's a snow globe. Where did you say you found this? There is a corpse, if I remember correctly. It wasn't this bag. It was the course bag. Did you kill a guy and take this? No, we we stumbled upon a dead guy and we were in some materials or else we were going to be dead.

I'd never rob anyone. So, OK, I would have to do a couple of tests on this to tell you exactly what it does, but I could tell you a couple of things that's in it. And these are some pretty rare ingredients, if I'm right. So someone went to some trouble. Money was spent. Well, Banglin, I'm going to say it, Criv. I'm sorry about how I acted earlier. And I think there is a reason you were put on the road on our journey. And I think you're going to identify the shit out of that potion. And then I can sleep easy for the rest of my life. So this is going to be one of those moments where like 10, five to 10 minutes later, when Banglin and Criv are walking next to each other, Criv's going to lean over and be like, that was the first he's ever admitted that.

So just to it's like, yeah, stuff at my house I could use to test this, I could definitely narrow it down for you. If we get lucky, I could tell you exactly what it does. But yeah, holy shit, this probably cost hundreds of gold like. Unless it's like a custom job or something, like if they just bought this off the shelf, holy hell, what a find. Good job. There's also blushes. It's the time's going to go by and, you know, five miles is five miles that that's not a lot for adventures, but it's five fucking miles. So it's it's going to, you know, takes, you know, takes a couple of hours at no-mish paces.

So you're going to get to like it's a bit of a clearing, but not necessarily where you'd want to build a house. If you wanted a yard or something like there's there's trees pretty close to this person's house. But yeah, it's a tiny little cabin. And you'd probably have to duck a little bit if it's like, watch your head, just careful. But as you go in, there's all kinds of like beakers and potions and stuff like that. It's more a lab than a house, really. There's there's places to sit and stuff. And there's there's like a little like a tiny little dining room set.

And like he would point to say, yeah, you guys want to have a seat? Let me do some tests on this potion and see if I can figure out what it is. You I'll make you guys some lunch and we'll uh, yeah, let's let's just see what this is. He's kind of upset, like he's just like, what the hell is this? This could be really cool, like that type of thing. I look at your herbs. Um, oh, oh, can you please watch over her shoulder, please? Oh, sure. Can I can I touch them, please? No, no, no, no touchy. Hands in pocket. Your teen requested a ride, but this time not from you.

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Only on Peacock. OK, just look with your eyes. Don't don't eat any of this stuff, because then I got to go get more. And it's not some of this is just poison by itself. You know, it's not really a. You know what I mean? It's just one ingredient in, you know what I mean? Like a sea of things. But but and she'll point to a really poisonous one. That one cures cancer. I don't know what cancer is, but my mind brain says it does. It's. OK. It doesn't. If anything, it'll give you turbo cancer. So don't don't eat it. Don't do it. OK. It's for look. Yes. That's right. So so cousin cancer is kind of like a star thing during a time of year.

So taking that will make you up in the stars. And that's a really long way to fall. So that's why it's dangerous. How would be cool? Yeah. Are you sure I can't take it? No, it's a long fall. So, yeah, you don't want that. OK, I'll just look and she'll just look. Oh, that looks cool. I wish I could touch it. Oh, God. So, OK. He's so he's got this this big setup where a kitchen might be. He's basically he has like a table and there's all kinds of like brewing equipment and stuff. So like he's essentially going to take this potion and and kind of take an eyedropper and and and start running little tests on it, like swirling around stuff and change his color.

And he's going to like, huh? That type of thing. And eventually he is going to set fire to a small portion of it. Excellent. Nice. And you're going to watch this flame kind of like twist and change shape and then die down eventually. And he's going to put the stopper back on it. OK, this is really interesting. This this had to have come up north. This is like like a numero thing or something, because. OK, if I'm right, it does two things. One, I, I, I, I think there's some kind of elemental resistance going on fire specifically. And and two, I'm not exactly sure what it would do to a person, but.

My nature is it kind of turns them into fire for a short time, something like that. Like it's like it, you know, like. I don't know how long, but like. Like, I'm like a fire elemental like you know, I mean, like a giant like a big towering inferno type of thing, like you would be like a fire. I don't know, monster like I don't know. I'll keep it for safekeeping. And Kriv, you gave how many away to pay your bar tab? Well, I don't remember. OK, Bangalore would be like you. You had more of these and give them away. OK, to give you some idea, you could easily sell this and live off of it for probably a year if you just stick it to towns.

Fuck amazing. Well, some white hedge bartender is going to, you know, be the light of the party. Yeah. Oh, God, I hope they don't drink it because that's. Well, you'll probably kill a lot of people if we hear something about that, then was not us. No, at least we didn't force them to drink it. We I don't know, I'm giving them the damn things. I OK, I'm going to I think I'm going to say this because I owe you drinks now. No, I don't I don't want to do it. OK, OK, I'm going to say this because I feel like we've gotten to know each other a little bit over the course of the last couple hours.

You might have a drinking problem, friend. Like it might be if you're blacking out and you're missing parts of like the night that that might be an issue. Yeah, probably. It's probably a concussion, to be honest. Oh, yeah. He's been knocked around a bit lately. Yeah, that's just adventuring stuff. I got something for that. If you need, you know, I was going to I was going to ask. Well, between the four of us, do we have any do we have any money? Do we have any gold? Because my belt pouch says zero on it. Oh, I have five bangling. You selling any of your stuff?

We might be in the market for stocking up for adventure. Oh, I have five models. Because it's not on my inventory sheet anyway. Yeah, you know, I used to I used to have it as I used to have it, but once we migrated to something and at the very beginning, you had five bottles and now I have you have one bottle. Oh, yeah. Oh, shoot. I don't know. I don't see where we gave it away, but you know, it's like one. Chris is good. Chris is good a businessman as I am good. You know, we know that like the black dragon problem we created with Kaizen. Yeah, yeah, that's a problem.

The four bottles of fire, fiery infernal towers in the white edge of a bigger problem. Someone's going to find that in a goodwill somewhere and make out like a bandit like. So it's OK. Jesus. OK, so eventually like penguins like, yeah, I mean, I have some I sell to some locals and once a month, I head into a town and I sell stuff, but it's not usually out of my house, you know, but you guys are here anyway. I could. How about we eat and we'll just we'll have a quick bite. And if you guys want to buy something cool and you can be on your way. No offense.

You know, you've all been nice, but no, I kind of got a business to run for us. Yeah. So which town do you sell in? Well, so it depends on what I'm selling. I go to Aldmore once a year because I got a skirt around Bandit's Rest and it's a huge it's a huge schlep. And yeah, I don't I don't I don't really like doing it, but I used to go to Donhurst a couple of times a year. That's. I it's not great right now. I don't know. I tried going that this month and it is it's not. I I got a weird vibe from it, you know. Last time I went by there, there was like no people there anymore or something.

And but I don't remember ever getting a straight answer of what happened. You ever walk past a major city and there's no noise? That's fucking creepy. It's weird. You know? Yeah. Anyway, I don't have a lot of food, but I have meat if that's OK. It seems like some of you were big meat guys, so mostly mostly herbs and things I can make. I can make a mean soup if you'd like soup. Oh, I got booze. You want booze? No. OK. I have I have tea, a soup and water tea would be amazing. Do you have juice? She just just blackberry. Is that OK? Yes. Yes, please. Grab your hands.

All right. I'm looking at the properties for the fire boat monster potion and the fact that the thing that turns you into big inferno fire monster also doubles is giving you fire resistance. It's like, I hope so. Hey, listen, maybe it makes you vulnerable to it. Who knows? Here's the thing you OK? Potions are not an exact science until they are right. Someone had to find out the hard way. It was like, fuck, I need to add an ingredient that. Oh, boy, I didn't think about that one. It's like one of so one of my my coworkers gave me the thought experiment today of who figured out that chocolate was bad for dogs.

And what would that look like for the person that did discover that? I mean, I'm sure it's not a rare occurrence yearly of the local veterinarian clinic. Who is the first person to discover it, though? Right. And I mean, you could trace all that like, OK, firearms. Yeah, we didn't start with guns. Someone had to figure out that shit explodes. And then if you put it in a tube, it kicks back and you break your arm. Like someone had to figure all that shit out along the way. You know, somebody ate a mushroom and said, these things are amazing. Guys, try one.

And somebody's like, oh, I'll have one. It looks so different, but it'll be fine. And you know what? Somebody's got to take a piss right now. That's me. Oh, I got you. Oh, OK. OK. I've been holding it in. I'm sorry. You don't need to give us a fucking bridge riddle. Like you can just go. Oh, for this chocolate story, he's about to. If he could have held it a little bit longer, his luck would have lasted the rest of the session. Yeah, I'm worried he's going to pay away his luck. That's all. No. If if his role starts steadily going down, that's, you know. Yeah. Is it like mushrooms?

Like if you drink your own pee, you keep the buzz going longer. I would imagine it's diluted. But like I forget, like if we can get a couple like elevens and twelve till the end of the session, I wouldn't mind. That would be fine. I like the idea of someone making a potion that sets you on fire, but also just sets you on fire like it's like someone like spilling out of apothecary, just like a stunt man, like doing this shit on class. Just like someone in the one shot. Yeah. We so. Like we've been I've been taking on extra work here and there, and Brie has to so like every once in a while, like we'll get done work and she's got to go clean the bank, which is right over here.

And she she started having a glass of wine after after work and I was like, is Brie OK? Because like we don't drink all that much. Like it's a glass of wine. It's fine. Like it's but like it was it was, you know, one of those things where, you know, you just check on stuff because it's so out of character. Yeah. But I think the straw was she had a Mike's hard lemonade and I was like, is she OK? And it's like, sweetie, I it's a Mike's hard lemonade. Yes. The wine is not stronger. It's if her behind the music's lowest point is and then she hit the Mike's hard lemonade like she's fine.

She's cool. Like, you know. Yeah. Yeah. We matter of fact, we just started doing that around the house. We actually went. So we did a wine tasting leading up to the wedding and Corina discovered like the sweet berry Italian wine that's it's low alcohol content, but it tastes amazing. So, of course, before we leave, she makes us buy like a whole case. And then we had some friends over the other day playing games and we went through the entire case in one night. Whoa, that's what it's for. You're going to have the worst headache ever. See, here's the thing that sounds like the most amount of booze, because when I picture a bottle of wine and then I watched Brie and Elle pour one glass and the bottles almost empty.

Oh, yeah. So here's the thing. You pour like of a wine glass, right? You pour it like as like a normal drink size, three to four of those suckers in the bottles done. Right. You're supposed to pour it to where like it starts to hit the crest with like the widest part of the glass and then fuck that. From there. Now, take your time. Enjoy your wine. Exactly. Don't chug it. The thing is, though, when I drank it was vodka. So when I see a full bottle and it's gone, it's like, holy shit. It's like, wait, no, it's wine. It's like four percent alcohol, maybe. And you know what I mean?

Like, it's fine. It's fine. Anyway, anyway. And so he's kind of slowly kind of like serve you guys some some, you know, little soup and like, you know, kind of like soup sandwich, kind of like a light lunch type of thing. You guys ate a couple hours ago. You're fine. But like. Yeah, just like. In the course of talking like you guys are sitting there in this little, you know, I imagine like you're doing the thing where you're in someone's house, you're looking around. Can I get. Everybody. To give me a perception check, please. Yes. Oh. Oh. Huh? So can't yours instead.

So, OK. Here's what I need. Mandy or Brian? Hey, what? Or I need a D20. Go for it, Ryan. Here it comes. Well, OK. So as. As penguins kind of like getting stuff together and like making lunch, like, you know, chopping stuff up just as he's bringing stuff over to the table, looking around, Clover's going to see something and almost going to see something. So Clover is going to notice that there's a bunch of different musical instruments like kind of like they're not displayed. They're kind of like sat in the corner, like either they're constantly being used or like he doesn't have a place to store them, something like that.

But like all different kinds of like instruments, all different sizes and stuff and almost going to notice that. There's a pile of clothing and it is like a big pile of dirty clothes way off into the corner. And they're kind of like balled up and like like kind of stuffed in like a like a wicker like thing, like whatever the equivalent of that is, like just kind of like like a hamper, but like the shirt on top is clearly like too big for banglin, just way too big. Starting to take a turn. Yeah. So. Bangy old buddy. How long you been living here anyway?

What's it like out here? Quiet, mostly. It's been, I don't know, about two years. I moved out here, kind of get away from it all. You just kind of have a little spot, live on your own, just kind of not have to deal with anyone. Well, look, I used to do not the adventuring thing, but I used to I used to get out there. And when I was a younger man, I had a partner. We we went around, we kind of tried to solve problems and stuff. And it just, you know, it got it got hard relying on other people. And eventually you just you just want to go make your own way.

I lived I lived in the West Coast, moved out to the East Coast. Biggest mistake of my fucking life. No, that's just. Huh, cool. He's going to take a seat with you guys, too, and kind of like he's he's got like an ale he's sipping on, just, you know. I hope you guys don't mind. I did want a drink. That's, you know, for sure. Hello is going to sniff his food real quick. Sure. And he's going to go, huh? So it's no weird to you. Maybe my nose is weird. You know what? Don't worry about it. And he just sets his food down and he goes, You know, it goes good with. With with a meal.

A little bit of music. Yeah. Cousin, can you play any of those up there? Just pointing at all those instruments. Yeah. Oh, you play you play. Mostly the float. But yeah, no, I, you know, I had friends, not a band, but like, you know, they would come over with jam here and there. And, you know, you get busy. I think they had kids and yeah, you know. So they just kind of left all their instruments over here. Easier to jam that way, probably. Well, we had everything. Well, OK, first of all, you don't you you don't want to lug some of these out in the middle of nowhere.

And I was the only one with a spot that was, you know, people don't complain when you play about. Oh, the neighbors that can be the worst for sure. Yeah. They left their clothes here, too, huh? What kind of parties are you having? So there's OK. This one is for almost specifically of the members of this party. You specifically had a previous career that would expose you to something like this. So could I get you to roll me a medicine check with advantage? You sure can. Four to five. So here's the thing. This is a six total. It's terrible, but this is a sight thing, not a knowledge thing.

So. Over there, you're going to notice like he's like, it's it's it's like a brewmaster setup, but some of what's over there is hardcore narcotics. Like, this is a Breaking Bad situation. Like this is a meth lab, basically. So like there's fucking boom rocks over there and stuff like there is very illegal stuff. It's not the majority of it, but like it's still over there, kind of packaged up. Well. And there's a brief flash in almost brain once he sees that. And then there's all the instruments that can't account for what this guy says he can play and all the clothes that don't quite fit.

And that little flash in the back of his brain does that little Ralph Wiggum's I'm in danger kind of voice. And I think I have to ask. So Clover and all more are the only ones who saw this are Kriv and Zozo eating or drinking anything like. Depending on what's like, just because we established this at the start of the episode, but depending on what he offered, he said soup. He might have he he might have eaten soup. Possibly. Yeah, I think for Kriv's sake, he probably would have started to like where you pull the spoon up and you start blowing on it a little bit, cool it down and maybe had one good spoonful or so before he starts like seeing.

Could I roll in like a check to see if he would catch on? Sure. Like. Because I think he would probably like the fact that I think it would be right. The fact that almost set the food down is kind of like red flag. Right. Alma does not usually set food down. Yes. Yes. And so that is like the red flag. Yeah. Give me a wisdom safe. OK. I'm saying 12 and higher. You're good, baby. 16. OK, another sip of beer. Your your your stuff goes back up. Interesting. It's so. I think after the one, right, he would probably keep. A couple more times, he would bring the spoon up and kind of keep blowing on it and then act like he's interested in the story.

But besides like the one spoonful that he had, he's probably not drinking anymore or like eating anymore, and he'll probably try to get a little bit of those those attention, just kind of like, oh, no, I'm just eating what? You know what? If it's like a vegetable soup, like a root vegetable soup, it's like probably like the most elaborate meal he's had since getting on the continent. He's like, I'm eating this bowl of soup. That's fair. Um. As so as you're talking, as you're talking to banglin, he's kind of like, you know, he's starting to get the impression you're you're questioning him, not talking like just kind of so like the next like the next question is, it's kind of like, yeah, like kind of, you know, like if it helps from you, friend.

My deception isn't high, but I do have advantage on deception checks, so he might not notice. Give it to me. Do better than the medicine. But yes. I was 24. 24. Oh, OK. Good, good, good. Yeah, that's fine then. Yeah. Uh, go ahead, please. Sorry. Oh, can clove. OK, so clover first was didn't start at first. She was like instruments. That's weird. It's so crowded in here. And he and just like not even really thinking danger, just thinking weird. And then she's going to look at the soup and be like, you know, her cousins chitter chattering and they're talking about stuff.

She's tuning it out. But I think because he likes herbs, she's going to be like, what's in here? He said there's herbs in here. She's going to stare at the soup. Can she determine what is in soup? Also, just this soup like this. So when all soup always, of course. Yeah, yeah. Of course, just stick a finger in a tomato. Bisc like you just know, like one inch of salt. Give me a medicine with advantage. Medicine with advantage. Papa, that oh, not great. 13. 13. So, OK, here's the thing. It's not like. It's not like there's pills flowing in it or something like that, but just like, you know, so like like a bottle of Vicodin comes bottling up to the surface.

Like it's it's it's more just like you looking at stuff and like. I'd say with a 13. It's it's a soup you probably haven't had before, and it's like, I don't know what this is, that type of thing, but not like immediate danger is bringing up in your in your mind or anything. So, so can I get a constitution saving throw with disadvantage, please? Oh, yes. Oh, saving throws. Disadvantage. 14. Damn. OK, OK. That's that's OK. At a certain point. Like the side of Zosso's mouth is going to start to go slack and like his right arm is is like going to go limp. Soup spilling over from his like, what?

Do we notice this? Assuming I don't know how you I don't know how you wouldn't. OK. So so you're having a stroke. I don't know what that is. I knew it would happen. Give me something dark. Quick. Does it smell like burnt toast? Oh, my God, it does. I think it does. Can we just have a sideshow called Dr. Clover Medicine Woman and just like, yes, yes. Sign me up. Has been on the Patreon eating this entire time, or is he like just been drinking, like just drinking, just like, you know, just kind of sipping. And if he sees like Zosso, it's like, Oh God, are you OK?

You have an allergic reaction or something? Maybe what's in this? What's in this thing? Or is it really a little better? Can I do a medicine check? You sure? Do you have any training in medicine? I am trained in medicine. Oh, well, then give it to me. Can I help? Hmm. Oh, drink more. I'm out at the 10 total. So. Hmm. It with a 10, it's it's you know, I mean, it's 50/50 where you're like, oh, it could have been something he did or maybe he is having an allergic reaction. Do you have an EpiPen? Like, what do you like? Are you OK? Like that type of thing. Banglin is going to banglin's going to get up and kind of go over to Zozo and like look him in the eyes like, hey, hey, hey.

And he's going to pick up your right arm and drop it. Do you feel that? You can feel everything at all. When he is doing that, Olmo waves for Chris's attention, points to the coffee maker, and then he makes little gestures. If to say like snort, like take a little bump of something. OK, hopefully that makes sense. Like, yeah, Cribble will look over and kind of like look down at soup and then look over at Olmo and kind of like like flash his eyes down to the soup with kind of like a quizzitive look. And he's going to point to the door. Like we need to. When you start going.

How far are we away from the rest of civilization? Jason. Well. If you look at the map. I would put you like, let's let's you probably be right about here ish, like that little green light. So. OK. You're pretty. I'm pretty next to nothing. Your rates. OK, if it helps your smack dab, it's almost equal distance between here, which is nowhere. Don Hurst and Lockford, neither of which would be incredibly help. Well, Lockford might all more if you go through Bandits Rest and the next near city is Uminiero through the mountains to the north. You are as far away from civilization as you pretty much could be.

A.K.A. Fuck. I'll sliver it off or let me finish my soup. Oh, what? But no, for a minute there, buddy. Yeah, that's really weird, though. I really can't feel it at all. He's kind of like takes his arm and slams it on the table. See, it feels something. Oh, I don't think that's good for that. But my brain, my brain always told me. Hold on. OK, I have a bed in the back. You can lay down. I'll take a look at him. Oh, we certainly couldn't do that. I mean, you wouldn't. They're all the trouble of telling us that we just couldn't stay. It's OK. We'll take care of them.

Goodness. Your friend's sick. It's not like there's a doctor out here. I think I'm the closest thing. We have certainly imposed enough. I'm a doctor. Oh, boy. You're a doctor? Well, yeah. Like I know things. Oh, well, fix them. OK, and so she's going to stare at Zozo and she's going to pull up all the knowledge and be like, what fixes strokes? Jesus. Clearly, Ivermectin. That's what we need to fill him full of. Give... Jesus, God. I have herbalism and medicine. Give me medicine, I guess. Let's let's try that. What fixes strokes? 18. Fuck. Well, here's the thing. Job one is to make sure he doesn't swallow his tongue.

He's got a big old tongue, right? So. You're going to want to like have him bite down on a wallet or something. But more than that, you you need to find out if there's something in his system that is causing that, like allergic rash. You got to neutralize that. Or if let's say it is like some sort of nerve, like like something like that, then like you probably want to get him to lie down. You probably want to get him to. It's like, OK, hiking probably isn't the best idea, but yeah. And so Clover is just going to suddenly like straighten up and kick into motion, be like, oh, follow me.

And she just jerkily kind of goes outside. OK, here I come. Like something is puppeting her. Be like, OK, Zozo, this is going to suck. And she's going to shove her fingers down his throat. Ouch, ouch. So, OK, I got to ask questions here that I never thought I'd have to ask, and I'll just add that to a journal. How many fingers did you stick it in? How many fingers? Gag reflex. And how deep? Pressing at the back of the tongue. So, OK, not quite uvula, but like. Let's hear your goal. Yeah, what is your goal to make him vomit? Has to, you have to get things out. That is the first one that came up.

She's like, step one might be something in that ingested. Yeah, well, you know what? The last time you kind of like surprised them with like a pocket chiropractic. That's true. It worked out great. So and he's kind of like half numb. So he probably doesn't feel it that much. So he's going to let it happen. OK, that's right. I need to ask a question. Man, how many how many people's like last words were trust Dr. Clover? So, OK, did you are OK? Did you carry Zozo out? Oh, yeah. Oh, OK. I can't do that. I need to do something then. Oh, sorry, Chris. No, no, no, no, no.

It's nothing to do with Criv. Zozo was booby trapped. I need to roll a d20 with disadvantage because this is the structural integrity of the house. Shit. OK, well, I rolled a 19, but we're dropping that to take a five. So as you pick up. Zozo and you're taking him outside. Almost foot is going to sink into us like a floorboard, like it's just it's not meant to carry this much weight because Christ, that's got to be like four or five hundred pounds somewhere in there. There's so many bodies under here. I just know it. Well, here's the thing. Your your foot's going to like sink in your boot and you're like shit and you just kind of like kind of shake it off.

And as your as you and an invalid Zozo and Clover go outside and Clover just starts sticking her fingers into Zozo's mouth, Criv's going to see a hand and just a skeletal hand and arm come up out of the floorboard and just sit there after almost shook the boot off. There's going to be a moment. Where Bangman looks down. And then looks up at Criv. And he's going to take out a knife and start running at Criv. Can I breathe fire? You can. Sure. Oh, yeah, I just want to hurl some fire at him. I'm I'm I don't know what kind of drugs he's actually making, but are you breathing fire and what might be enough?

That's I'd all I'm thinking is just like, let's let's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, OK. This has been a season finale episode of Breaking Bad since we saw that. Have you been rewatching it, Jason? Is that where the inspiration comes from? No, I just. It's believe it or not, this is a recurring character. Oh, maybe not anymore. Well, yeah, maybe not. So, OK, it's Deccy. Yeah, it is Deccy. I didn't recognize the voice. So. To paint a picture. This is a studio apartment, basically, and you're about to fill 30 feet of it. If my math is correct. With a cone of flame.

All right. And that is a saving throw. From Deccy. A dexterity saving throw, I believe. Actually, a 15 foot cone. 15 foot cone. OK, all right. OK, that's a little better. All right. OK. Oh. So if the dexterity is not his, it's it's a plus one, so. Oh, I don't. OK, I didn't know if that was me or not. OK, that was me. Eighteen. So he's going to take half damage. OK. So I the way I picture it is this. Olmo, Clover, Zozo are just on the front porch. Fingers go into Zozo's mouth. Zozo is probably going to start vomiting. And Olmo is basically standing in the doorway, he's the closest one beyond Kriv to this.

So in the split second that they run out, you're going to hear. A slight commotion and then Kriv breathing fire, I imagine it's a it's a spectacle. Can we have it to where the same exact time that Zozo is vomiting, Kriv is throwing fire? Sure. Nice. An editing masterpiece. Yeah, that scene where Jesse's puking while while other guy, Brian Krasin, what's his name? Walter, Walter, Walter, guy. It's been a other guy. You know that other guy in Breaking Bad no one remembers. Say his name. Other guy. Can I OK, how much damage does this do? Let's see, well, this let me do half the image.

It just says normal. No, no, just the full damage, because here's the thing. You're doing full damage to the environment. Fuck. OK, so shit for you. And by the way, after this, Kriv's idea is to get out of this house. Oh, I don't think it's going to be a problem. It's one of those things of like stranger danger where you like you shove, scream and run away. OK, so you're going to let loose with fire, big cone, right? And Decky is going to dive out of the way. And I imagine you're breathing downward, right? Because he's downward. And this is just going to obviously catch wood on fire and just kind of spill out, fill the house and it is going.

To set this, this whole chemistry set on fire, there will be an explosion. It's fair. What I need to do is to see what explodes. So, OK. This is the worst situation, Ryan. On a scale of one to 10, how big is this explosion? Now, because it's goddamn meth lab, I need you to roll with advantage. OK. How do I do that with it? Can I just roll two tens? Just roll two tens. Yeah. So the first one over, I don't think we're getting mushrooms out of this. A four. A four. The second one, a seven. OK, could be worse. So the sheriff's getting called for this one. Definitely.

This is where there's no sheriff out here. Yeah. So. Jesus Christ, didn't see it coming this way. I didn't. I didn't. You ran at me with a knife. I just had to do something. No. Yeah, no. I did. You know, self-defense. I get it. I panicked. Almost basically going to turn around just in time to see, like, fire. I'm going to basically throw dice at the table and that's going to be damage. So thank goodness for fire resistance. It's OK. We're full of life. That's true. We do have fire resistance. You love getting exploded, Kriv. You just love that shit. I do. I already have fused scales from the last.

Now you're fused with drugs. Oh, God. Oh, that's my. Big money. Eighty four damage. We did this whole this whole cabins going up. It's matchsticks. It is glam. So you not only. Is this house vaporized? You're getting launched. Yeah. Trees are going up. So good news is I would say Clover and Zozo. Everyone's taking. OK, well, shit. It's half damage, but those. Yeah, I was at those those black. So so so cool. Sorry. All right. Who's there? He does have to. Yes, it does have the armor. Well, yeah. So everyone take half of that. Yeah. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to roll for footage here.

We had a hopefully we're a lot closer to our destination. We're blessed. I'm going to be that much. So what we're going to do is 2D 10 times 10. So one hundred and eight. Eighty feet is how like way out there. So you are launched in like into this wooded area here in. Just outward, right? So it's a cone where once was a Kevin. It is just you're there. I need to paint a picture because the cluster fuckery of what just happened. So not only is this meth lab gone, right? Including hundreds of tiny little business cards, says Afro Decci. Like it's just you know what I mean?

Like it's his little, you know, blue magic or whatever. They're like falling from the sky, half burned like sin. Just all these cards. So if you guys don't mind, I'm going to pull up my copy of the Adventurous Guide to Theria Volume one and just cross out the section that says the Cotto Decci Banglin real quick here. Just well, I mean, yeah, it's like he did dodge. We didn't see where he landed. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. So. The foundation of this house is just skeletons, so there's a bunch of bones and shit at the blast site going out in different directions and like trees are on fire, grass is on fire and you guys are just out in heaps.

And I think it's a good time for us to stop for the night. Yeah. Yes. Yes. I mean, I'm glad I did this versus the other idea that I was thinking. Oh no. My was the less safe idea. Well, no, the other idea was, I think, a little bit more safe, but I think this is more fun. Sure. My other idea was to use the ability of my armor where I'm invulnerable to non magical attacks for 10 minutes. So he could try to do whatever he wants to me with his little knife, and I just pick him up by his hair because they're both invulnerable and explosion. No. I assume the force of the blast, like the half damage of that 84 was like 42.

I'm down to eight hit points flying 100 feet. Probably knocked those out. Yeah. We're going to get into that 180 feet out. Like you like there's no way you didn't hit a tree. There's no way like, yeah, fanning out like there's a bunch. So we're probably there's a bunch. We're going to get into it. But Jesus, what he's been doing is he's so deck. He's been selling meth out here to make money, but he'll also pick off like traveling musicians and anybody that just no one's going to miss him. He's gone full serial killer. There's all kinds of stuff in the area that was, you know, like, oh, man.

But to be fair, like Zozo would have been fine with that. He just would have been mad that he tried to kill him. And then he would have threw through fireball in there and like same same outcome, same outcome. Sure. But not with us right there. But I don't know. Yeah. That was your instinct was right. Should have killed him. Yeah, she killed him. Yeah. That's a big I told you so. Right. I can't wait. Next person we meet. Burn them alive. That is find someone cowering in the hole. You should probably kill them. Next person we see that looks like they need help or afraid.

Burn them. Yeah. That's that's the moral of the story. Well, OK. That was kind of unexpected. Thank you for making it to the end of the episode. Thank you for listening to what we put out there. You can catch ad free episodes on our Patreon for just three bucks a month at Patreon dot com slash d a n d r. Like I said, we're trying to boost that Patreon up. We're trying to get ready for Dragon Con and just sort of do more stuff for the community. Many years ago, we set up a steam group and we're going to try and dust stuff off like that. We're going to try to do more stuff with the community, hang out more, watch movies, do tier lists, that type of thing.

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