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Arc 5 · Pactbound · Episode 60

Last Blood

2024-05-13 · 1:13:48
Pactbound are wounded, desperate, and alone in the woods with a crazed and tiny killer
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I hope everything is smooth. As a quick reminder, we are trying to boost our Patreon, trying to get ready to do plane tickets, to travel for Dragon Con and all that good stuff. And there are two projects that I am so proud to tell you about. One is Beyond the Table. Bree's been doing that for months now, and it's kind of a deep dive into the psychology of tabletop role-playing as a genre, reading reports and books all the way back to the seventies and eighties and stuff. And she actually had a chance to talk to an inmate and talk about the psychology of D&D and how it affects everything inside a penitentiary.

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It more than helps us out. It is our lifeblood. And of course you can get ad-free versions of the stuff in the main feed right over there. Without further ado, let's get on with the day's episode. (dramatic music) (dramatic music continues) Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table starting with Ryan Heywood. Hello everybody, I am as always your friend, Ryan Heywood. And I'll be right back to playing good old Omo the Fighter Bard. And Ryan Garner. (laughter) That threw me off.

Sup everyone, I'm Ryan, I play Kriv the Dragonborn and I swear it was all based upon self-defense. And Xavier. Yay, I'm Xavier and I play Sozo with the Dragonborn Warlock Rogue. Nope. And Mandy. Okay, I like that less, but I don't know. One was a Muppet eating voice, like you're a cookie monster and the other one is like getting on Darmokki and I'm like, hi guys, this is Mandy. I play Clover, the red Dragonborn endurance. You're weird. (laughter) Just now, Jason has ran over a toilet. We found that out. Yeah. You know who was driving the truck with the toy?

The Rock. It was weird. There you go. Sorry. (laughter) I almost spit up my drink. (laughter) Oh, you gotta warn me if you need those. This, there was an explosion and we dealt damage thankfully, but now we have to pick up directly after this. So if memory serves Clover and Zozo were the furthest away from the initial explosion. Correct. Yes. So those lovely folks are gonna be out here. Kriv is a bit closer to the blast, a little bit closer. And then Olmo was about here-ish. To paint a picture for those out there, there is a place where a cabin once was. And essentially there's smoldering wreckage everywhere.

There's fire. And the only thing kind of lighting up the night here, the dusk is this fire. Now you're surrounded by deep woods. And what you don't know is if this blast killed your would be attacker. Slash host. Slash host. Well, best friend. Maker of delicious poison soups. So can I get each one of you to do me a favor? And roll a constitution saving throw. And you guys are gonna wake up in that order. Did we take damage? I mean, I should be at zero. I could wake up at one. Mine's still at full. Mine's at full too. Yeah, we didn't do it manually. It was like, yeah, we're all knocked out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got, yeah, I'm gonna. So it's easier just to tell you how much health you have. Okay. So, okay. This ties into your concepts. Yeah, it makes sense. Alma rolls a 19. So do me a favor, sir. Reduce your health to 19, please. Can do. Kriv, don't you worry. I got you, buddy. Yeah, okay. Let's see. Kriv, nine. Clover, eight. And Zozo, 14. All right. Oops. Almost gonna be the first one to kind of, just, I imagine just roll over and kind of blearily, you know, there's that shell shock, the ringing in your ears, the, you know, there's gotta be a not insignificant amount of shrapnel, you know, little bits, splinters of wood, you know, bits of bowls and like whatever was in there.

Toilets. Toilets, you know. I'm gonna have to get this all off the road. So like, you guys are just messed up. Now, thankfully you're not on fire, but Alma being the first one to get up, what does he do here in this situation? 'Cause this little clearing is just a light. Well, the first thing that he does is he looks around for his cousin and the minute he locates Clover, he's going to throw out a healing word towards Clover. Duh. Just, it's just pure reflex on his part. Just gonna roll that. ♪ Best cousin in the world ♪ Throwing six hit points to Clover.

And then he turns to, he finds whoever's closest to him, which looks like Criv, and he checks on Criv to see like if he's going to need to do the same there. You, okay, so you have nine health, but you're pretty messed up. I'll level with you. You are. Oh, okay. All right, no, no, that makes sense. Yeah, I just looked over at my character health and I'm like, I'm at zero. I'm sorry, I meant to give you. And so he starts, he knows he's going to have to get to Zozo, so he looks to see if there's any emergency patching up, leading to stop before running over to check on Zozo.

I imagine it's a lot of hobbling to your feet, that type of thing, like you're, 'cause Criv specifically is, it somehow got blasted away and is on this large, it was probably a wall. So just getting up, there's wood splintered everywhere. There's probably nails sticking out every which way. I don't imagine the shack was built to OSHA standards. So just between the shell shock, between the pain, between the initial, just what the hell is going on, it's going to take a few, like a good few minutes for everyone to be up and then near each other again. But after that, you are, you're in this clearing, there's a fire.

No one's coming out here to help you. And though Dekky is small, he's obviously killed before and doesn't have a problem with it. So what's the, okay, what's your thoughts here? What's the gang's thoughts? - Omo at, once everybody seems to be up and moving, does the thing that comes most natural to him when he figures other people are going to think and solve the problem, which is he pulls out his guitar and he starts playing a song of rest because we're going to need a minute after all that unconsciousness. And he hopes that works. - Are you trying to take a short rest here?

- Unless somebody stops him and says, we need to get away from here. He's going to try and say, all right, we're gonna, all right guys, we're all hurt pretty bad, but unfortunately, well, fortunately that explosion provided us with a lovely campfire. And that campfire, of course, being the remains of the cabin. So I'm going to just start playing the songs while we rest and recover, unless you guys want to get away from here. Yeah. - And I'm assuming Zozo's still half paralyzed. And we're talking about this campaign being very Bruce Campbell-ish in nature.

And I'm assuming being half paralyzed, he's doing this kind of like comedic routine where like half his body's limp and he'll like overcompensate with the other one to move around. So it cannot be taken seriously. But still he's like, what happened? Why did this blow up? - Crib's gonna have like have his hand on his head. I'm pretty sure like there's a pretty rocking headache happening right now. And so he's just gonna, when you two stepped out, he pulled the knife and tried to stab me. And I reflexively just... - This podcast is supported by Progressive, a leader in RV insurance.

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Smith and "The Bourne Identity" comes a new film. - It's your first job? - I know what I'm doing. - It's a little late for a crit change. - Starring Matt Damon. - Everybody in New England is after us. - And Casey Affleck. - Go, go, go, go, go! - What are you doing? - Taking notes. - Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. - "The Instigators" rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. - Oh, I'm breathe fire, so. - Oh. (laughs) Okay, now, good, that's good. Good job, Griff, perfect. He had it coming. Oh, son of a bitch. (laughs) Jason, does anything-- - Did you get him?

- I think so. I can't imagine getting fire to the face and then an explosion right afterwards. I can't imagine that that frail thing's still alive. At that point, I think, so, Crib's gonna look around, not necessarily with the intention of looking for the friend, but more so looking to see if the forest is gonna be caught on fire at this point because of this. - It's a fairly large clearing, so, while this'll burn, it's probably not to catch the entire forest on fire. It's gonna be nasty. This is coated in smoke and there's gonna be, have you ever been near like a building that burned down?

It's very strange in that there's this silent hill thing that happens where there was, when I was a kid, I lived at Cohensey View Apartments, real fucking shitty. You know, they tore him down eventually, but there was an old factory warehouse that burned down and it was like a mile away. But for a straight day after it rained ash, like it's fucking creepy. It's just, it's one of those things that like, oh, that's wild. You don't realize how much it gets into the air. So there's gonna be a ton of that, but it's probably not. It's just mostly embers on the outskirts.

So it should be fine. It's rained recently. The good news is that you guys are ever closer to home. You're right at the base of the Hazon Mountains. The problem is you gotta go through some thick forest and then start climbing. And you may have noticed the two D20s I threw in here. Oh yeah, an 18 and a 20. Well, those were stealth rolls. Oh. So while you guys are talking. Fucker. I had to roll to see if he lived and everything. Oh man. You are at a disadvantage because he is diminutive, but vicious and that makes hiding a little easier for him and he knows the area.

So, yeah. So this little crossbow bolt is going to, and it's not gonna hit any of you, but it is going to land. And what's wild is it doesn't necessarily look like he was trying to hit, there's probably two seconds of processing where it's like, oh shit, that's a crossbow bolt. And two, why is it sizzling? So there looks to be a fuse and can I get everybody to give me an acrobatics check? I hate this fucker. Can do. Yeah, buddy. Oh, my favorite roll. Let's get even more Bruce Campbell-y. Yeah. There we go, baby. There's our Bruce Campbell. Oh. Okay, well, okay.

So, Almo and Zozo are gonna succeed with a 14 and 25, respectfully. Can I do it with disadvantage for having less limbs? Yes, but I'm gonna give you inspiration for doing that. Okay, thank you. That there's good roll placer. Let me roll again. Okay, okay. 20. It's a little bit. Yeah. Clover with a six and Kriv with a one. Not natural though. Just rolled a two. I think it came naturally to you. Well, it looked like I rolled a one. I rolled a two minus one. No, no, no. You rolled a big old two. So just thank you, dice stats. We're just gonna keep like, yeah. Yeah, so this thing is going to explode.

And what this little bastard is doing is he's essentially got, you know, a smaller version of dynamite strapped to crossbow bolts. And you don't know how many of these he has, but it's gotta be him. Like, yeah. So what I need to do is roll four D4s. At least we're ready. 10 damage. I'm down. Five, right? It is, yeah, it is fire damage. Well, I guess, yeah, it's fire damage. All explosions count as fire. I think they should be fours. Yeah, yeah. But, or split in half. But if a fireball is, you know, we'll count dynamite as fire. So half damage. Yay. Yay. Dead. So this thing is gonna land.

You, I think all of you have that second to process and then it's leap, leap away. And sadly, Clover and Kriv just do not get away fast enough. And in mid jump, they're just going to be scattered back. So this guy means you harm is a bit, a bit of an understatement. He's looking for no witnesses, I guess. So with that being said, your immediate surroundings, they're, obviously this is thick woods, but there seem to be a couple of, for lack of a better word, paths, or at least less dense trees. The stuff right next to you looks to be mostly thorns. Like it's sparse enough that you can get through, but if you've ever been hiking and you ran into like sticker bushes and stuff, it fucking kills, especially if it's cold.

But you know, you guys are lizards, shouldn't be too bad. There's the other direction over here is where this is coming from somewhere, that tree line. So to your right must be decking. South is that, is this right here, these, this thorny trail. And then there's one to the west, which looks to be a lot of dead trees. And it honestly looks a little sparse considering everything else has that, you know, almost a fall look, multicolored trees and stuff like that, that branching pathway of just dead, you know, trees is a little menacing at night, especially lit by fire, you know.

- Yeah, I could see how that would be creepy. I think the first thing that Kriv would say is fuck at a pretty loud decibel and just turn around and just try to locate where he is. - Give me a perception check, please. - Yeah, I'd like to participate. Maybe not we all roll, but like, can I give Kriv advantage by also looking into it? - Yeah. - Okay. - So there's a number to beat. - Go. - 15 ain't it. So periodically I'm going to have to have him roll a stealth check. And he has a decent modifier for that. And he rolled a crit. So you could guess that, you know, a 15 isn't going to do it, but every time he has to relocate, yeah.

- Then the next thing that Kriv will do is touch himself. - Well, whoa. - He's going to his hands. - Finally had a couple of minutes left. I think that's, yeah. - I mean, he's got four hit points. He's right on the edge there. He's got to get something out. - Can't let Kriv edge. - No, not at all. His hand's going to glow and he's just going to touch his shoulder for a lay on hands to heal himself by 40. He's ending it all. He's done with this fucker. - So, okay, Clover. What's Clover thinking and feeling here? You've been blown up twice now. - Yeah, so Clover, you know, first just like, oh, what happened?

I didn't touch it. I didn't touch the shiny. Oh, I didn't touch it this time. Okay, uncle did it this time. So he touched a shiny. Oh, I'm blown up again. And just like very like up and down. And she was just going to get up and be like, Kriv, Elmo, what's happening? Can I, can we hide? I don't like getting blown up. It's like that time where my friends gave me some of that, that stuff and told me to breathe on it. And then it got, it exploded. And then it got on my face and it burned for like three days and I don't like that. And she's going to kind of scamper to like all those sticker bushes and just be like, as small as possible.

Like, no. - That'd be hilarious. You happen to be in that bush with you. - Oh. - He bit ya. So obviously you guys don't have a lot of time here, but Zozo and Elmo, what do you, you know, like, Clover's freaking out. Kriv's going to heal himself, which is probably the best, just the best idea right now. But yeah, this is a problem. - Zozo will tell the group, the first one to kill him wins. And then he'll just, with his one good hand, he'll extend it over his head and a small orb of black fire will be conjured at the center of his palm. And like, I'm the only one who didn't get to fire one off today.

Now fire bomb. I'm just going to toss a fireball in the woods, probably a little deeper than just the edge. So that the explosion occurs a little more inside the forest. - Okay. - Like in the area to the bottom right. Sure. - We might be getting ready to do the most interesting encounter ever. - I guess that would be the equivalent of, I'll just roll a d20 and add what is it plus six, I think to my magic attacks. - Okay. - Still throws have to be so much harder when you're also trying to not be blown up. - 15. - So you didn't see where the shot came from, but you have a general direction, right?

Which is East. So you just whip this thing out there and it's going to detonate, you know, behind the, behind the dense foliage of the tree line here and knock a tree clean over and birds are going to scatter. And there's, there's a lot happening in this clearing. And, and we're gonna, we're going to come back to the local wildlife soon. Cause we're causing a lot of attention, but is that everyone's art art? Is it standard fight or is it? - Oh, Crave would be pissed off. He'd be looking at this guy out. - Okey-dokey. Then we're about to run a really weird encounter.

- There we go. - That's what I want. - We should probably however, split up a little bit. - So that the heroes don't get us all so easily. Yes. - Can you give me a stealth check there for Clover? - Yeah. - Yeah. 18. That's good. That's good. Can I get everybody to roll initiative please? - Sure dog. - You win. - Here we go. - Now I have access to click on the character. - I'm rolling horribly today. That was a five. - All right. So we're starting with Zozo and we're gonna have to play a little game. Excuse me. At the beginning of each of your turns, you're gonna have to roll a perception.

And the closer you are to spotting him, the more accurate your throw was gonna be. If you're gonna continue to throw things like that. So do me a favor, give me a perception check please. - Is there, that's been my inspiration point on that. - That's a good, yeah. - 21. So you've got him somewhere, somewhere in that area, right? Like that radius. - Okay, perfect. Not too loud to the group. You'll see, I think he's over there. I kind of like discreetly gestures with a finger and he's gonna head into the woods, not over there. - Oh, okay. - So he's just letting the party know, thinks he's around there and he'll take off probably in a straight line.

I'm gonna use dash as a bonus action to move 60 feet. - Okay. - And then if I double move it, or a third time, 30 feet, I guess not quite enough to get into the woods. So backtrack all that, I'll head down into the woods diagonally. So like more over here. - Sure. - With the dash. Okay, and then with my action, I'll stealth. But with this advantage because of the armor. - Oh, well shit. We'll drop a 19, take an eight for a total of 17. That's still good. Jesus, Olmo, you are up. - Olmo knows his job. Olmo's job is to be the distraction. So he will move up this way and he is going to use a bonus action to heal himself because being in pain is bad.

So he's going to use a second level healing word on himself. - Eight healing. - Boom. Hopefully he gets not too blown up that way. And in an attempt to make sure that all of the attention is on him, he gets big. That's the goal. Here's hoping that doesn't bite him. That ability is giant smite. That is a second bonus action, which I believe means that I have used my move into bonus actions. I have upcharged my, I've downcharged my, regardless of amount of actions. - That's my turn. - Skills are on cool down. - That's right. - Okay, well, so Decky's gonna, probably attack and then I have to roll stealth after I attack and move.

If those stealth rolls continue to be high, it's gonna make this way tougher. But if he beefs it, then yeah. Olmo probably, right? Like, you know. Okay, so we got another one of those, another one of those exploding bolts here. Does a 16 hit? - It does not. - Okay, so what is your AC? - 17. - So let's say that if it's within two of your AC, that radius is gonna be like 10 feet. Can I get a dexterity saving throw please? So you're not gonna take a direct hit, but yeah. - Here you go. 14. - Oh yeah, okay. So it's 13 if it's within two of you. So that would be quarter damage 'cause you're a dragon and you know, so yeah, 44.

So 13. - Three. - Three damage, yeah. It's getting late. It took me way too long to do that. - I didn't even try. - Someone else will figure it out. - Yeah, sure, whatever. Okay, he's got a roll of stealth. Here it comes. 15 is the number to beat. Kriv, can you give me a perception? - I can't. - 11. - You got an area, like you, you know. - Is he still in the same area that Zozo pointed out before? Okay. - Yeah, but again, you guys, he was 130 feet away. He went over there. It's night, everything's, yeah, so it's tough. But I got a little game for you. - Yeah, so he's over in the tree line somewhere.

We have an approximation immediately over to my right is Clover kind of hiding. Then up into my right is where Zozo went, kind of a little up into the left is where Olmo went. I'm gonna go kind of 45 degrees to the left to kind of get on the other side and use all my movement for my entire turn. - Okay. - So that'd be 60 movement. - So you're trying to box him in basically. - So he's just like, okay, I'll go to the other flank and hopefully we can get closer. - Okay. Clover, you are hiding. - I'm hiding, okay. What is the movement for movement while hiding, stealth?

I don't remember. - It's basically, in this situation, there's enough going on that it's probably pretty easy to kind of slip into stuff. That's why he's having such an easy time with it. It's, you know. - So just normal movement kind of thing. - Yeah. - Okay, so she's just like, but she also is like, "Uncle and Olmo and Zozo vanished." But I gotta help, I gotta help. And all of this is just like stuff she can cut up through, right? All this stuff on the bottom. - Yeah, it's thorns and stuff. Like at most they'll do one or two points of damage probably, like you got a thick hide.

- Oh yeah, should I do a perception to see if I even see the bastard? - If you do it from here, it's with disadvantage 'cause you're like 200 feet away. - Yeah, she's like, "Squint, squint, squint." No, she does not see it. - Well, we'll drop a three to take a two, so three. - She's like, "I don't, I don't, oh God, I'm just gonna move." - It's just trees. - One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Because I get 35 because of being injured. Can I double move in? - Yeah. - 60 stealth, okay. - Yeah, the perception isn't anything. That's just a part of the fight.

- Six, seven, there we go. - I just moved more in that direction, but still staying in the tree. Just like, no blow up, no more blow up. Done. - That is the end of round one. F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-Fah, Omo! - Oh yeah, now we're talking. Omo is going to keep moving forward, there you go. Go to the end of the green. Let's look at this little spell. He grabs his guitar and he does a violent strum. Place measure template. Let's say back in it, so right about there. He's going to cast shatter. - Oh, good one. Can you do me a favor? - I can do you all kinds of favors. - Can you give me a perception?

- Sure. - So remember 15 is the number to beat. - Yes. Big money. - Okay, yeah. - 18, okay. So you've got a beat on this little fucker. Like, Chucky's not going to get one over on you. Like you're kind of centered basically where it needs to be. And that's a DC 16 constitution saving throw I need to make. - That it is. - He isn't rocking a super high constitution. Gonna level with you. I was hoping to get by on stealth. - Oh. - Oh, that's a crit one, baby. - That's gotta hurt. - Eat it, bastard. - What's happening? - Well, let's talk about this spell we call shatter.

When he hits that guitar and he brings back his kind of thumbnail on the back of the strings and just shoots it forward as if to push this energy, this magical energy along it at Dekky. This radius causes 3D8 thunder damage. Any, if it was made of like crystal or whatever, that would be bad. But any non-magical object that isn't being worn or carried also takes the damage. So I imagine like any shrubs or whatever he's around just to explode it. - That's really cool. Actually, I see that sound wave just like ripping apart that general, it's like my bushes.

So yeah, this is bad. - But let's, well, it depends on whose side you're on, but let's see what kind of damage is actually done here. Is key roll the one? Does that mean I get to hit the critical hit button? - Nice try. - Not for saves, but well, okay. Eight damage though. That's, here's the thing. That's definitely enough to kill bushes. So like, so you're gonna, so again, thick shrubbery and like kind of dense foliage that this tree line, you're gonna just, big sound waves going to absolutely tear asunder. These shrubs and you're gonna see Decky kind of like cartwheel backwards.

Like he's gonna flip and you're gonna see his body land like face down near the tree. Like he's a foot away from the new tree line, I guess. But like, he's just kind of like, kind of crawling a little bit. Like he's definitely, you fucked him up pretty bad. Like that's, yeah. And he looks over and he sees that Kriv is probably closest. And so he looks over at him and he points a finger at Kriv and he's like, you've got this boss. And he gives you a Bardic Inspiration. - Ooh, thank you. - Whoa. - I will, I do believe so. It's, yes, it's a D6. Is it? I thought it was a D8 by level nine.

I could totally be wrong. - Well, that's the thing is I'm kind of splitting the class. - He's not full Bard, you're right. I'm an idiot, don't, don't just, I think of him so Bard, that's the thing. - This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. - I think they mean us. - Oh, (beep) (clears throat) - With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes, Monday, Wednesday and Friday, only on Peacock.

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- Oh mom, this is Jake's house, not Jacob's. - Now with an Uber teen account, your teen can request a ride under your supervision. The ride with a highly rated driver and with live trip tracking, you'll follow along the whole ride to their friends houses that all sound the same. Add your teen to your Uber account today. See app for details. - Bye mom. - I ran over fucking toilets, I'm real dumb. Don't, don't like, don't. Anyway, that's my turn. - Oh shit. - Yes. So that's, oh man, that's gonna bring up Decky. I get, I get, he's gonna fucking stumble into this tree line.

I'm gonna roll another stealth and he's gonna just save his action basically. Just he's, he's messed up. So, 18. He's, he's, he's, he's slippery. But yeah, no, when you hit him, he looked like, he looked like it shredded like his, his clothing and stuff like that. It just blam, like totally, yeah. Blasted him into the, yeah. Clover. - So he's hiding again. - Yes, but you got like, you definitely see like the area where that area hasn't changed. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, but he could have moved. - Yeah. - Scamper, I'd say scamper. - Scamper. Perception? - Please. - Am I close enough to not get disadvantage?

- Ah, well you're in trees and he's in tree, like, you know, so. - He's Spanish. What do I get? Oh, bad. - You're trying to chop a four to take a three. - So bad. Okay, well, so she's just like, oh, oh, okay, just like, ooh, cousin did something cool, but I'm gonna keep creeping, creeping, creeping. One, two, three, four. - You still have your breath going? - Go. I'd have to be closer for that. I'm just gonna get closer. - It's just been the fucking woods on fire, screw it. Like, let's just burn it all down. - Now we're talking. - What are we, druids? - One, two, three, four, five.

I'm just, this is just outside of that little radius, right? I'm gonna stay right there. - Okay. - And be like. - Like you're chasing a mouse? Like it's like, okay, you lift up the thing and okay. - Hey, where is he? I don't like him. He's mean. He's not a friend. - So-so. - Yeah, so-so's just gonna continue his little, you know, hiding and running in the woods, low to the ground, arm is slimping on one side, ninja running on the other, gonna go full movement, not even gonna hide. So this is as annoyed as how far he is. So a full 60 for starters. 60 and then, so that's with the bonus and then the dash action normally with my action for another 30.

Here I am. Just going along the edge of the woods, closer and closer to that shattered area. So this is, this is a very solid snake fight, right? But. - It explains how the car grip boxes. - Yeah. - Unless I'm almost commandos it. - Yeah. - Well, I'm getting a little more ace Ventura when nature calls right now. You running out of the woods, you know. - Kriv. - Okay, so first thing first, let me roll the perception. - Oh shit, Kriv won. - Put that in your stats. - Put it in your stats. ♪ Everybody do the Ryan ♪ - Oh man, oh my bad. These stats are just gonna make me look bad.

- Actually, here's a fun thing. We can pull up these stats and I do wanna say right now, the most twenties rolled in this group since you've started recording these stats is Garner. - I do also wanna say this doesn't reflect the full breadth. We need, we did a bigger data and I have them in other groups too. So like we need more data. - Yeah. - We just need to find out how to export this data so then we can start aggregating all the data. - Oh yeah, dude, I could just export it right now. - One of the buttons says load all player data from DB. Can I push the button?

Would it break the table? - No, don't. - No, not yet. - Not yet. - All right, so I obviously can't see a damn thing. I'm gonna blame Smoke. What I am gonna do is I'm going to kind of move up a little bit closer and I have a question, Jason, about what's considered a hit for thunderous smite. My goal, my goal with this is to use, basically turn my hand axe into a little, little grenade. Can I classify hitting the ground as a hit? - I think that, I think that thoroughly exceeds. - I had to ask. - I understand. Here's what I'm willing to do. Here's what I'm willing to do.

He has a readied action that's gonna take place right after yours. If you allow him to have advantage, I'll allow you to do that. You might kill him, honestly. - Okay, let's do it. - Big money. - What's the effect on the thunderous smite? - Well, let me, so it basically makes a loud bang that's audible within 300 feet and then it disappeared again. Then the attack deals 2D6 thunder damage. Additionally, the target must succeed, must succeed a strength saving throw where we pushed 10 feet. - Oh, shit. Okay, but that sounds localized to like where the thing hits.

- Yeah, so my intention was just to kind of hurl my throwing axe over there. - It's a ranged weapon attack. - Yes. - Thrown by you. - Thrown by me. - All right. - Which I already have horrible dexterity. - I can't wait. Okay, let's do it. - Okay. - You might fucking nail it. Like maybe you do. - We'll see. - Maybe you do. - Hand axe. - Well, you doubled your normal roll, which is, so. (laughing) - I rolled a three and a two. - So, okay. - So it makes a loud boom. - Yes, it does. (laughing) Definitely, definitely does that. Holy shit, okay. - A grenade explodes in your hand.

(laughing) - Yeah, this is gonna go wide, I'm afraid. - That's fair. - So I'm gonna use a ready to action and I'm gonna make a, so okay. I'm gonna make a crossbow shot, but it's a little different this time. And I'm targeting Kriv, all right? Oh my God, double fours. - Wow. - So what's gonna happen is there is a crossbow bolt with a rope attached to it that's gonna like, and it's gonna sail like clean past you. So yeah, he was gonna try and lasso you. Get over here. - Oh, that would let me know where he is. - That's how we know you just got done watching Ted lasso recently, that you just had to sneak that in.

(laughing) - That took me a second, it's like, wait, what? When did he do that? Oh wait, no, I knew it. - I missed you. - Well, that's the end of round two. Clover's kicking off round three, sitting right outside. - Look at me, I have a good initiative. What do I have to hit for perception? - 18. - But you're real close, so do it with advantage. - With advantage? That's not fast, wow. That's yeah, I've seen worse. - Okay. - Yeah, total of 11. - I do not see this bastard. - But he's in, you got him down to like three bushes. - Okay, I have. - This feels very Monty Python right there.

- So, are these three lone bushes we're whacking out of each one at a time? - Honestly, if you've ever played paint ball, this is probably gonna ring way truer than if you. (laughing) - It's like, I think he's there, just. - So she just squint, he's like, are you sure he's here? I mean, they keep throwing things. I mean, that one went way over there, but okay, okay. Well, I don't know, and she's gonna go, just go and throw her hands and incredibly bright sparkles are going to just burst out into a cone and she is going to do, shield your eyes. I admit a blast of energy in a 30 foot cone.

Each creature in the area must make a constitution saving throw. On a failed save, we take 4d6 force damage. - So. - Well, shit, okay, well. - Small. - 12? - Oh, shoot, what was my number again? (mumbles) - It's your spell save, right? So. - Oh, it's probably on the, where is this listed? - Oh, it isn't, oh, shit, hold on. - Eight plus three plus your charisma? - Yeah, it's more than 12. - Yeah, it's more than 12. - It's way more than 12, I think it's 15. - Eight, four, so yeah, it's 15. - Yep, so 46, that much. Oh, I used the ones without numbers. 14 damage, could have been.

- That's good. So, it's going to be like someone threw firecrackers, like the mad catch ones, the big, the black loud ones. So, like it's just a string of them. Scares all the dogs in the neighborhood. And he's going to light up, like there's going to be like tingles and he's laying on the ground. Like he's like, you can see, like he's kind of like sprawled out, like, yeah. Well, Zozo, you're up. - Coup de grace. - So, I guess I just see him or do I need to Percept? - You have advantage. - You're going to, you'd have advantage on it, go for it. But like you can, yeah, there's like sparkles.

- All right. - Oh yeah, you're fine. - All right. How much move does that give me? 30, so that's my normal movement. - Yeah, I think I'll just, I'll slow walk there. Like, I mean, I'll normal walk there, no dash this time, full confidence. And I'll probably just picking, I mean, I'm not the most stable I can be, so probably I can't do the intimidation game too much. No, I'll Vegeta it. I'll bring down a hand towards the ground and he'll just, what's it called? One-liners, as I could say. I didn't think of anything, fire. And then he blasts, burning hands, just like down with his one hand, Vegeta style.

- So here's the thing, he doesn't have many hit points left. So if this exceeds that, you're just going to burn him alive. - Yeah, let's do that. - Let's do that. - So he's on the ground, he's laying belly first. So his head is at your feet. It's a dexterity save, right? - Yep. - So this will be with disadvantage. So what am I shooting for? (laughs) - That's 14 DC, 14. - Oh, we'll drop a 17 to take a six, that's a 10. - Woo, all right. Let us use the spell, burning hands. - Oh God. - There we go, cast spell. 14 fire damage. - Oh my God, okay. That's going to reduce him to one hit point.

- Ooh. - So he is, yeah, no, he's, oh my God, he's Anakin. So he is on fire and just like, like he's making these ungodly noises, right? And it sounds like he's trying to say something like he's just like, but it's, between being on fire and kind of coughing up some blood here, like it's just kind of, (imitates coughing) like it's, yeah, it's this garbled horrifying mess. Not to mention the explosions going off every 10 seconds, the fire everywhere, the, yeah, so yeah. - Anything else? - Yeah, I'll use my bonus action to kneel down and hear his final breath.

I'll just say, you should have run, you stupid little dude. - Really looking forward to the post credit scene where Dekky comes up in armor and stands up and goes, no, no. - Dekky's got one hit point and it's his turn. And he's like, you kneel down and he's just like, trying to say something, right? Just, (imitates coughing) And he's like reaching out and like his hand grabs it, your foot, like you're, like, he's just like crawling. And again, on his belly, like in, you know, in this mud, and it looks like his other hand is like propped up, like almost like it was in a sling, like it's propped up under him.

He is covered in scorch marks and fucking like that. Are there any residual burning damage things after that? - No. - Okay, so I'm gonna assume it mostly went out, but like, yeah, no, he is horrifically burned. - The spell does mention it. Yeah, fire ignites any flammable objects in the area that aren't being worn or carried. - So the moochers. Most of those got exploded by the shatter, hopefully. - Yeah, like he, yeah, like we've, yeah. So he's crawling up to you and it looks like he's trying to say something, like just, just, (imitates coughing) he's, it's like, it's like takes two or three times.

And then it almost sounds like he giggles, like, (laughs) thanks for getting closer. And he's gonna roll onto his back and he's got a dynamite vest on. - Hell yeah. - And he's, the arm that was propped up under is holding this, basically a button. What I'm gonna do, because he has one hit point left, I'm gonna have him roll a constitution save. And if it's 10 or higher, he's gonna be lucid enough to hit this button. If it's nine or below, he's gonna die gripping the button, but not have the strength to push it. How, how do we feel about this? Like, what are our thoughts?

- This is gonna hurt. I'm gonna try and negotiate something if it goes off, but I'm scared, I'm very scared. - I kind of knew this was gonna happen too. - Oh God, okay. So his con is not high. So we've got that going for us. Here it comes. 13. - Can I make a deal? - Please hit me. Okay, you know what? I think it's fair to show you the radius. - Yeah, I'm in it. - Just, it's just your- - I saw that little measurement over there. - That wasn't me. - I'm okay. I think it misses Omo. - Yeah, Omo's fine. - It hits everyone, but the biggest guy. Deal me, hit me. - So this happens, right?

It just happens. You click and then slow motion, the fuses just light off and you see kind of like in ultra slow motion, the dynamite start to like crack as the flames start to like explode out and the flames start going outwards and engulf Zozo and like we enter Zozo like into his cells and his DNA and then there's a presence in there that takes over and without me doing anything, I can't trigger my, you know that demon form, the demon rage I got? - I do? - It pops off giving me fire immunity. The deal I wanna make is Zozo's not in control. The thing I wanted to do is Captain America, I'm gonna use this grenade with my fire immune body, but then you're in charge of whatever the story implications of that are.

- The deal. - That's so, that's pretty heavy Deus Ex Machina. - Yeah, I know. - I, okay. - Chekov's demon form finally being used. (laughing) - I am willing to leave it up to a wisdom saving throw. - Okay. - Okay. I'm even gonna say 13 or higher. I'm gonna leave it relatively low. What's your wisdom save? - It's not my best, I can tell you that. I suppose one. - Okay. - What happens if I succeed? Like which of the outcomes happen? Like if I don't succeed, it doesn't work. - Right, and if you do succeed, you go full demon form. - Okay. - And we're gonna, yeah. - All right.

Here we go. Ah, four. - Ah, shit. - All right. - Okay, well, okay. So here's the thing. This is bad, obviously. So this is gonna go off and everything in this blast radius, I need a constitution saving throw and we're looking for 14 or higher, please. - So Crib, you might have a D six if you need it. - Yeah, that's what I was thinking. - Ooh. - Ooh, baby. - Please, okay. Wait, what was it? What are you supposed to hit? - 14. - 14. (laughing) - I was like. - You're only the 19 and you're panicking. - I was like, wait. Okay. - 14, yeah, you're one space behind Zozo. So like this is, okay.

So, okay. Good news is you all pass. That's great, right? So obviously bad news is there's a lot of damage associated with this. 8D 10 is the damage associated with this, but that's not really, that's not the only problem, but we're gonna get into it. But let's roll 8D 10. Let's just see. - Died, right? - Decky's fucking dead. If that makes you feel any better. - It does, it does. It's like, as long as he dies. - He is in pieces. - I mean, he's not dead the way I wanted him to, but. - He's thoroughly dead. Like 30 damage. - That's nothing. - That's not so bad. - I mean, I.

- So fire, lots of fire. - It's fire, so we take half. - It's still not dead. - And he still made the save. - Yeah. - Wait. - Wait, are we? - If it's fire damage, like it could be like chemical warfare. - It's well, okay. - Do we take a quarter? Should be seven. - Okay, I'm gonna push for this to be forest damage. It's dynamite and it's right next to you. It feels like before the fire would be the, you know what I mean? The shockwave. So let's. - My fireworks are forest, so yeah. - Yeah, so Clover and Zozo are gonna get knocked out. Just blam, right? And you're gonna be thrown back like dozens and dozens of feet.

The fucking tree line is gone. The clearing is on fire. The, you know, this has been a huge mess and I, okay. Olmo and Kriv are gonna, you know, still be standing. Decky is goo. Like definitely there's strands of organs kind of caught up in the tree line, everything, but mostly it's just an indent, just a crater where he was. So what the hell do you guys know? - The decky dent, yeah. - The decky dent. - Yeah, yeah. - The decky dent, denty. - Well. - After seeing the aftermath of decky, I think the next instinct would be to run over to Zozo and Clover. - Yeah, absolutely.

Get them back up. - Is that immediate healing or is it you just. - Yes. - Yeah, dragging them away. - Yeah. - I would say Olmo uses healing word on Clover on the way over there and picks up Clover and just carries her away from the fire. - I think she's swearing just like, cousin, I don't like explosions like that. I don't, it just like her hands walling on his shoulder. I was like, ugh. - Oh yeah, we should avoid explosions like that, yeah. - As I would imagine there is, so the scene is just chaos, right? It's you guys pulling your friends' bodies out of this, you know, this has gotta be.

- Second crater. - Second, this is the third explosion, fourth of the night. Fourth, and just holy shit. Like the amount of pain you've gotta be in. The, you know, and you know, there's the roar of all these small fires where the cabin is still burning down. Only a few minutes have really passed since then. And explosion after bright light after explosion have gone off in this clearing, lighting up the woods around you. And as you're pulling your friends out of this and there's the, it's like, okay, there's, you know, you've used all your lay on hands, you're using, you know, cure wounds and you're, you know, you're talking, it's like, okay, is everybody okay?

Is everybody okay? As if you're just over the fire and the chaos at this clearing, the ringing in your ears, you hear one lone wolf howl that goes on for just a little too long. And it doesn't sound, it sounds too big to be a dire wolf even. And I think it's a great time for us to stop tonight. Just have a short episode, just a little decompression. And this next one, yeah, yeah, yeah. This next one, we're really gonna start, you know. - Yeah. - Oh, that's amazing. It was great. - Run. By the way, that the 10 cure wounds was for Sozo. - Oh, thank you. - Got him.

- Oh. - I appreciate that. And with that, I only got two level two spells left. - Let's see, let me just do it on me now. - Might be a long night. - Please don't fail. - Yeah. - Okay, good. - Gorgeous. Ooh, ooh, you're gonna love this. Endurance are getting a patch, they're getting a buff. - Are we? Good. - Yeah. It's gonna be-- - I just get using a buff, a little bit of a buff. - It does, it does. So there's a couple of things. One, charging is gonna be changed so that you get, it goes up as you level. - That's not good, that's good, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's, I think at your level would be like 2D4 and then there's three.

So the charging taking up a full action means more and the, a couple of damage values are getting tweaked and on the back end, the con saves for using your powers is going to be reduced so that it's-- - Oh, it's already-- - The consequences aren't-- - Yeah, it's probably not that hard. - Yeah, but in a situation like this-- - Yeah, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. - In a situation like this, if you failed that con saving throw and you have a level of exhaustion and you're running. - Yeah, I mean, it helps I have resilient. That's why it gives me a bunch of buff, but yeah, if I could see somebody didn't have that, it'd be more like, "Oh, 10's hard." - I've noticed that people who multi-class into endurance have a harder time.

People who go full endurance, usually the class has stuff built in to kind of give you, it's like, "Here's a little extra movement speed. "Here's a little..." But I've seen people try to combine it with a barbarian or something like that and it's-- - I could see it with-- - The half damage is good. - Yeah, with two levels of fighter, I was pondering it, but I was just like, "Oh no." Like the stuff later on is so good. But yeah, some of these, I could see some of these being buffed up and that's why I don't use a lot of the things. It's just like, "Ooh, no, it's better to say them "with three times firmer points into the thing." - It's, again, you gotta do little patches and stuff.

Between that and the new ranger, I think you're gonna enjoy trying to... I'm gonna hand it over to people and you're one of them. Just as like, "Minh-Max the shit out of this, break it." - Oh yeah. - You're really good at breaking stuff is what I'm saying. - No, I haven't broken anything. I just accidentally put circles. That's fine. - I mean, in general, you didn't do it tonight, thank you. But I mean, just in general. - Sus. - We all have things. - No, it comes in handy. If I can get the authorization to do it, I may reach out, Mandy, and be like, "Hey, here's an account on our new application." Press buttons.

- I like pressing buttons as long as there's shiny buttons.